Right now, nominations are open for the Top Sex Bloggers of 2012 list, this year’s edition of the annual list I compile to celebrate the top bloggers in this niche. As always, announcing that I’m creating this list has been met with both enthusiasm and critical debate. So today, let me set the record straight.
If you’re a blogger, you really shouldn’t care about my Top Sex Bloggers list.
This is perhaps too general of a statement. You should care about the list for the following reasons:
- It can introduce you to new sex blogs that inspire your own writing. You might not otherwise find these people
- You can take the opportunity to network with the bloggers on the list. Having relationships with other sex bloggers can help your own blogger efforts.
- When there’s a “top list” of any sort, we’re motivated to blog better in the hopes of being named to it.
But you shouldn’t care about my list because it doesn’t mean anything about your own blogging abilities. This list, like most, is 100% subjective and relative. Even in my eyes, it’s never perfect, and I often go back and think, “Why did I not list so-and-so?” or “What was I smoking when I ranked so-and-so that high?”
In other words, this isn’t science. Not only do mistakes happen, but opinions change. And bloggers change, too. The blogger I thought was the bee’s knees today might do a really shitty job tomorrow.
I try really hard not to make this a popularity contest and instead rate everyone based on the quality of their work. But even I will admit that I’ve left people off this list because I don’t like them personally, even though their work is decent. It has nothing to do with criticizing my list. You can do that all day long and I’ll still rank you if I feel like you deserve it. But some people are just ugly inside, mean and nasty throughout the year to people who don’t deserve it. When I see that happening, I can’t judge their work objectively or even subjectively because I just feel sad for them and upset for the people they’ve hurt.
It can sting when we aren’t recognized, especially when we put so much of ourselves into our blogs. I know this as much as anyone. I’ve been blogging for several years (both on this blog and elsewhere), and it feels like a knife twisting in my whenever a “top bloggers” list comes out and I’m not included. Sometimes, I want to scream when I see the (in my opinion) flippant, less interesting bloggers who do make the list instead of me.
Don’t quit. Don’t walk away, thinking you’re not good enough. Don’t give too much weight to my list or any other list out there.
After all, if you do good work and truly feel passionate about what you’re blogging about, a list like mine shouldn’t matter. If you are really contemplating giving up after not being on my list, perhaps it is time to question whether or not blogging is really right for you. You can use “but I wasn’t named a top blogger” as an excuse, but to me, it points to deeper problems. Someone who truly loves and believes in what they are doing wouldn’t just give up because of a silly, arbitrary list.
Care about my Top Sex Bloggers list, but care for the right reasons. Care because it can help you, regardless of whether or not you are on it. Care because it can inspire and motivate you to find new, amazing blogs in this space. But don’t care because you see it as an indication of whether or not you are good at what you do. You know in your soul if you are a good blogger or not. You don’t need me to tell you that.
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com