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Why You Really Shouldn’t Care About My Top Sex Bloggers List


Right now, nominations are open for the Top Sex Bloggers of 2012 list, this year’s edition of the annual list I compile to celebrate the top bloggers in this niche. As always, announcing that I’m creating this list has been met with both enthusiasm and critical debate. So today, let me set the record straight.

If you’re a blogger, you really shouldn’t care about my Top Sex Bloggers list.

This is perhaps too general of a statement. You should care about the list for the following reasons:

  • It can introduce you to new sex blogs that inspire your own writing. You might not otherwise find these people
  • You can take the opportunity to network with the bloggers on the list. Having relationships with other sex bloggers can help your own blogger efforts.
  • When there’s a “top list” of any sort, we’re motivated to blog better in the hopes of being named to it.

But you shouldn’t care about my list because it doesn’t mean anything about your own blogging abilities. This list, like most, is 100% subjective and relative. Even in my eyes, it’s never perfect, and I often go back and think, “Why did I not list so-and-so?” or “What was I smoking when I ranked so-and-so that high?”

In other words, this isn’t science. Not only do mistakes happen, but opinions change. And bloggers change, too. The blogger I thought was the bee’s knees today might do a really shitty job tomorrow.

I try really hard not to make this a popularity contest and instead rate everyone based on the quality of their work. But even I will admit that I’ve left people off this list because I don’t like them personally, even though their work is decent. It has nothing to do with criticizing my list. You can do that all day long and I’ll still rank you if I feel like you deserve it. But some people are just ugly inside, mean and nasty throughout the year to people who don’t deserve it. When I see that happening, I can’t judge their work objectively or even subjectively because I just feel sad for them and upset for the people they’ve hurt.

It can sting when we aren’t recognized, especially when we put so much of ourselves into our blogs. I know this as much as anyone. I’ve been blogging for several years (both on this blog and elsewhere), and it feels like a knife twisting in my whenever a “top bloggers” list comes out and I’m not included. Sometimes, I want to scream when I see the (in my opinion) flippant, less interesting bloggers who do make the list instead of me.

Don’t quit. Don’t walk away, thinking you’re not good enough. Don’t give too much weight to my list or any other list out there.

After all, if you do good work and truly feel passionate about what you’re blogging about, a list like mine shouldn’t matter. If you are really contemplating giving up after not being on my list, perhaps it is time to question whether or not blogging is really right for you. You can use “but I wasn’t named a top blogger” as an excuse, but to me, it points to deeper problems. Someone who truly loves and believes in what they are doing wouldn’t just give up because of a silly, arbitrary list.

Care about my Top Sex Bloggers list, but care for the right reasons. Care because it can help you, regardless of whether or not you are on it. Care because it can inspire and motivate you to find new, amazing blogs in this space. But don’t care because you see it as an indication of whether or not you are good at what you do. You know in your soul if you are a good blogger or not. You don’t need me to tell you that.

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at


  1. Hyacinth August 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm -  Reply

    I love that you wrote this, Rori. I like to use this list exactly as you hope someone will: to broaden my horizons and to find new writers. It’s what I told my readers to use it for when I pointed them this way. But I won’t lie, I’d like to be listed because I respect most, if not all, the writers on past lists and it’d be groovy to be among them again. But you’re right, I don’t *need* it.
    Hyacinth recently posted..I can’t figure shit out. And still I’m talking about it.My Profile

  2. Mr. AbsinthePassion August 13, 2012 at 1:08 am -  Reply

    Thank you for reminding us all that in the end it’s all just your opinion. I value your opinion, as do many others (obviously) and while I also think it would be an honor to be included among such a talented group in the end I’m just going to use the list to expand my blogroll. So thank you in advance with directing me toward more wonderful writing! You’re wonderful for that!

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP
    Mr. AbsinthePassion recently posted..Get On TopMy Profile

  3. CC August 13, 2012 at 2:26 pm -  Reply

    I like that you said this. I’ve heard so many good things about this list so the reason why I mentioned it to my readers is because I know it’s important to have a list of this nature. Regardless of whether someone I like makes the list or not, I think it’s a good thing. A list of people who talk about sex in an interesting, exciting, and healthy manner? That’s a good thing. :)

  4. Karen Blue August 14, 2012 at 10:27 pm -  Reply

    Thanks for writing this. You are right about a lot of things that you said. I immediately thought when I saw the post about the awards “Oh I won’t get it this year. I blog too much about this and not enough about that.”
    Stupid really because my blog was never meant to be about getting on a list (although my ego would love it) it won’t make or brake my blog. I will still re-post it as a great resource for my readers. Hopefully i will find some new blogs I love on the list. That is what it is there for after all, discovering a great sex blog!
    Karen Blue recently posted..Bound by LustMy Profile

  5. nilla August 15, 2012 at 12:33 pm -  Reply

    nodding…yes, exactly.

    I started blogging nearly 3 years ago (anniversary at month’s end for me!)…and the first year I found your list…i was sad to not be on it…but I was new, and hadn’t been around long and and and…

    it was an eye opening experience. I found several blogs that i still follow from the list.

    And from the start, my blog was about satisfying me. Making my little fantasies have a place. I’m always surprised and happy when someone takes a moment to comment and give me a head pat…who wouldn’t be? I work very hard to reply to each and every comment, because people took the time to do the same for me.

    And when I was on the list last year? It thrilled me. It didn’t become the be all and end all of my blogging life, but it sure made me smile. And proud. My Master was proud of me, and I was proud of me…and then I kept on right on blogging.

    Blogging feeds me. It pleases me to spin a tale that someone else enjoys. It releases the beast inside me, and shares my experiences as I grow and learn more about myself and my journey into D/s.

    Do I hope I wind up on your list this year? To say no would be disingenuous, yes? I would be thrilled. But even if I wasn’t there? I’d get up the next morning, and write.

    Thanks Rori, for this post. For reminding us all that our voices are unique points of view, and we all have something to share with the world.

    nilla recently posted..Tanked (7)My Profile

  6. viemoira September 6, 2012 at 9:44 am -  Reply

    I have found most of the sites I read through your list and those sites have helped me immensely in finding out more information re: BDSM relationships. Thanks for all you do Rori!
    viemoira recently posted..Cum, Are You a Fan? (TMI Tuesday)My Profile

  7. Joan Price September 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm -  Reply

    Being on your list has helped many people find my blog who would have been unaware of it otherwise. It has also introduced me to other blogs that I enjoy reading, and other bloggers I’m happy to have in my virtual world. So I do care!

    When will the 2012 list be published?
    Joan Price recently posted..The Nicest Online Dating Rejection EverMy Profile

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