Who I Am Today

Right now, I know there are a lot of new people coming to this site…and there have been a lot of changes happening in my life. So, I thought I’d write a little about who I am today…who I’ve become, and how I’ve gotten here.

When I started sex blogging, I’m not going to lie – I did it for the money. Over the first few months, it became so much more than that. It became a way to personally reflect on my love life and what I want in a sexual partner. And, it became a lot of fun. I did some reviews, I connected with some great bloggers and readers, and I learned to let go of who I was and instead become who I’ve always wanted to be.

One of the things I learned was that I need dominance in my life to be fully satisfied. It was something that had always been there, under the surface, but I know that I could embrace it and that there would be a whole community of people supporting me. Eventually, I met D, known simply as “Daddy” in my older posts. He became my first dom and I became his first sub.

D and I eventually broke things off and I floated for many months. I fucked around a little, but my heart wasn’t 100% into that…I just couldn’t bring myself to actually date someone new because there were still lingering feelings for D, who remained in my life as a friend and confidant. I finally decided to start dating again in May 2009, and not long after, I met V. Unlike D, this was a man who was experienced in BDSM and knew what he wanted. Our first date lasted hours and there was an instant connection both in the bedroom and out.

To bring new and old readers up to speed…V and I broke up earlier this month. It was my doing more than his, but I do think he agreed with me on some level. There isn’t any one reason why it happened, and part of me will always regret it. V was an amazing master, and I wish he still was. On an emotional relationship level, though, he couldn’t give me what I needed, and I’m not sure we would have ever fallen in love, not that passionate kind of love I so desperately want. I wasn’t the best sub for him. That’s all there is to it. I don’t want to spend much dwelling on it. It’s for the best, we’re still close friends, and I’m not looking for a new relationship. Not yet. I have an amazing support system of both guys and girls in my life, and right now, that’s all I need to know that I am loved.

Earlier today, I was having a hard time waking up, and V suggested that I  put on some happy music. So I did, and started dancing around as I was getting dressed. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I was shaking my ass, and I just had to smile. I’m not the prettiest girl. I’m not super skinny or super sexy. Half of the time, I’m a big goof, and sometimes I take life way too seriously. But ya know what? I absolutely love who I have become over the last year.