What Do Men Love in Bed?


When I get an email from a female reader, it is typically to ask/say one of three things:

  • Thank you for making me feel “normal” even though I want kinky stuff in bed. (You’re welcome! I absolutely LOVE these kinds of emails!)
  • How do I become a sex blogger? (Funny you should ask – check out the end of this post)
  • What do men love in bed?

The last one about what men want in the bedroom is the topic I thought I’d cover today. Every man is different of course, but there are certain things that ring true for just about any dude, at least in my experiences. And fellas, chime in with a comment at the end about what you love in bed!

#1: Men Love Enthusiasm in Bed

By far, this is number one. What men want in bed more than anything else is an enthusiastic partner. It makes sense. How crappy do you feel if you were really excited about something about the other person was like “meh, it’s okay.” Doesn’t matter the area of life – we want to be around people who are as passionate as we are.

In the bedroom, enthusiasm can trump almost anything else. If you’re enthusiastic, you will be the best cock sucker he’s ever had even if you can’t deep throat. If you’re enthusiastic, he’ll find you super attractive even if you don’t have a super model body. If you’re enthusiastic, you don’t need to have porn star moves to get him off.

It’s hard to fake enthusiasm in the bedroom, so pick someone you’re truly passionate about. Then, give yourself a little freedom to be really expressive about how much you’re enjoying yourself.

#2: Men Love When You Take Initiative in Bed

Most of the men I’ve dated, especially in the last five years, are super dominant. Doesn’t matter – they still all loved when I took initiative. Taking initiative doesn’t mean that you dominate the hanky-panky. Some guys like domination, some don’t. But taking initiative is different. It means that you look for openings and make a move instead of waiting for your partner to to all the work.

So, for example, maybe when your man walks in the door, you meet him there wearing nothing but an apron. Or maybe when things are getting hot and heavy you reach down to unbutton his pants. Or maybe during sex, you make the move to switch to a new position.

That is, if you’re not tied up like I so often am.

The point is, guys like to know they are desired. It goes back to being enthusiastic I guess. When you make the first move, your partner will know that you’re really into it.

#3: Men Love Feeling Big in Bed

Other than men who enjoy being humiliated (which is a totally valid kink), most men love to feel really big in bed.

Point in case: when I deep throat, I usually gag. Cash is on the large side of average, but nothing monstrous or anything. But me gagging makes him feel huge. So if you’re blowing your partner, don’t worry about a little gagging. it can be hot.

Don’t be afraid to tell him how big he feels and to gasp, moan, etc. when he enters you. Again, being expressive is a huge plus. If you can make him feel big, do it! Always be aware, though, that insincerity can kill the mood. If your partner really is on the small side, he’ll know when you’re just saying something. So make him feel big…but within reason. You don’t want it to seem like you’re laughing at him.

#4: Men Love Trying New Things in Bed

I have this theory that part of why porn is so popular is rule 34, which says “if it exists, there is porn of it.” Porn stars do some fucked up (I use that term endearingly) things in bed, and guys are intrigued. Okay, not every guy wants to do everything he sees in porn…after all, there is such a thing as fantasy…but it’s a definitely plus to be with a girl who is open to trying new things.

Buy a sex toy. Dress up for some role playing. Pick up some rope for a little light bondage. Stock up on lube and try anal. Even watching porn together can be more kinky than what his previous partners wanted.

If your man has never mentioned wanting anything like that, it might be because he’s too afraid to ask. He could be worried that you’ll thing he’s gross or that you’ll say no and get angry. Try bringing it up in conversation sometime; talk about unfulfilled fantasies. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing, of course, but he might be into some mild kinks that you can enjoy together to mix things up.

#5: Men Love Spontaneity in Bed

Want to make his day? When he hits the snooze button, roll over, turn it off, and give him a blow job to wake him up. Guys absolutely love when you not only take initiative, but when it’s unexpected.

Don’t be afraid to initiate a little afternoon delight or wake him up for a little loving or even do something super spontaneous like having a quickie bent over the kitchen table before the kids get home from school. Sex doesn’t have to be under the covers before you go to sleep. Have fun with it! Sometimes, a little spontaneous sex is just the spark your relationship needs.

Okay, your turn: what do mean love in the bedroom? Leave a comment!

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at


  1. K April 14, 2013 at 3:21 pm -  Reply

    Hi! I like a lot of your points (enthusiasm and initiative and exploration are all really hot!!), but I think your last sentence is over-simplified. Not everyone has the same libido or sex drive. And, if you have been with your partner for a while and the newness of the relationship has worn off, passion and drive have probably gone down a bit, too. In my relationship, I have the higher sex drive. I have several woman friends who are in similar positions in their relationships. Not all men want sex all the time; sometimes women want sex all the time! And some men would rather do something else than have sex. :)

    • Rori April 14, 2013 at 6:33 pm -  Reply

      You know, I think you’re right. My point was that you don’t have to wait until the timing is perfect, that it’s good to mix things up and initiate sex in the morning, in the middle of the day, etc. But I wrote it in such a way that sounds like all guys want sex all the time. I’m going to correct that now so I’m a little clearer! :)

  2. JonD April 16, 2013 at 11:13 am -  Reply

    Dirty talk is also a great plus

  3. A Big Butt and a Smile April 16, 2013 at 5:22 pm -  Reply


    But I also think it’s all similar to what women want in bed as well. Yes I know that wasn’t the point of the post, but I think often we thing the sexes are so diff sexually, when in truth they are probably not, other than the societal expectations heaped upon them.
    A Big Butt and a Smile recently posted..The Gossip Game Season 01 Episode 03 Recap – What’s This Show About Anyway?My Profile

  4. Persephone April 24, 2013 at 7:18 am -  Reply

    Really good tips, *makes notes*…is it wrong to take notes into the bedroom?!
    Persephone recently posted..Wicked Wednesday: DiscussionMy Profile

  5. Cassy April 24, 2013 at 9:34 pm -  Reply

    So true, I agree with what you are saying. I especially love that you pointed out that enthusiasm can trump almost anything else. They will remember how you act more than what you look like. Great for those that are self conscious.

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