Vibrating Panties Buyer’s Guide

There’s a Party in Your Pants, and Only Best Vibrating Panties Are Invited.

Vibrating panties: the sex toy industry’s most innocuous item. Resembling nothing like the human genitalia or otherwise, these seemingly harmless articles of clothing are more than meets the eye. Increasing in popularity at a rate that’s commiserate with the high technology now being used in them, vibrating panties can open up a whole new world of kink without revealing the wearer’s big secret.

The modern-day sex toy market reportedly sells 1.7 million pairs of vibrating panties and/or related accessories every year, according to recent studies. Yeah, there are studies done on this kind of thing. It turns out that industry manufacturers want to know how well their products are performing and who their average customer is. So, while some of us might assume that vibrating panty makers are just a bunch of creeps trying to make a quick buck, the truth is actually much more appealing.

So, while I’m sure some manufacturers have a long way to go before they’re considered legit, many names do a great job of keeping their noses above the water consistently. Good vibrating panties get designed and created using the same high standards as your contemporary sex toys, with careful considerations made about shape, size, stitching, color, materials and so on. So, if you think this shopping trip is going to be easy, think again.

The popularity of the panties has sparked a market demand that’s made some manufacturers shake in their boots. Unable to keep up, certain brand names became synonymous with the low-quality coochie-cutters we’re all trying to avoid. And although many of those names have done a good job of redeeming themselves over the last few years, the tawdry manufacturing habits they brought with them still remain.

But before you get scared to death about what lies ahead, consider this: There are a handful of quick considerations you can make to narrow down your search and find the right pair of vibrating panties. Despite the massive influx of choice, the cleverness of advertising agents, the shoddy manufacturing habits and the shocking cost of some models, there’s still a perfect pair out there waiting for you. Scout’s honor.

Why Vibrating Panties Though?

They say you are what you eat, but I say you are what you wear. Give me a cape and I’m suddenly a super hero. Give me a suit and I’m turned into a powerful executive. Give me a pair of vibrating panties and I’m never leaving my house again. You see? Your wardrobe says a lot about who you are. It’s just that my wardrobe says I’m an enormous pervert. To each his own.

I mean, it’s not like I don’t have other clothes to wear. My closet is filled to the brim with wardrobe malfunctions, but the one thing I can always count on to make me look good is a pair of piping hot vibrating panties. These things are not only sexually suggestive but they’re also one of the most discreet sex toys on the market. Under your clothes and over the moon, the right pair of vibrating panties can transform your sex life in ways you never thought possible, and even if you’re not in a relationship.

I would know. I’ve been using vibrating panties since they looked like tarps and fit like diapers. In fact, a pair of jiggle-hoppers were the very first sex toy I ever owned. Still shy and unwilling to let every Tom, Dick and Harry know I liked to flick my bean, vibrating panties offered a secretive type of sensation that not only kept my dirty laundry in the basket but also intensified the orgasms and helped me retain my dignity. Like having a quickie in a public place, a properly fitting pair of buzzing britches can be extremely exhilarating and (unlike the latter) completely legal.

But to fully understand what I just said, you have to know what vibrating panties are (and aren’t). By definition, vibrating panties are specially designed underwear/lingerie with either a built-in vibrator or a wired/wireless bullet vibe included or attached. They come in all shapes and sizes, with various types of clasps and ties to hold them together until you or your lover slides them off. Depending on what you get, some vibrating panties can be worn under clothes without being detected or even controlled from afar by your partner.

Unfortunately, finding a good pair of pulsating pantaloons with all the right bells and whistles can be a real pain in the ass. With so many options out there, the average shopper becomes overwhelmed pretty fast. It certainly helps to have a few basic guidelines – a checklist to compare models against before you waste any money. Fortunately, I know exactly what you need. Carry on, my wayward son. There’ll be peace when you are done.

The Top 5 Ways to Tell If That Pair of Vibrating Panties Is Worth It or Not

The time has come for us to get down to the brass taxes, a.k.a. talk about the factors which determine the worthiness of each pair of vibrating panties you’re considering. After this, I’ll give you a few head-starts (product suggestions) based on my own experiences with these things. And since a good pair of vibrating panties isn’t cheap, I know how important this purchase is to you. Follow my advice and you can’t go wrong.

Before anything though, you must take some time to think about a few things, first of which is your budget. Don’t go out shopping for a pair of luxury vibrating panties without plenty of money to throw around. These aren’t your typical underwear, folks. Some of them cost a pretty penny and many of them can’t be returned or exchanged. I suggest keeping things flexible too, because prices change all the time.

Next, you’ll want to consider your lifestyle. How often do you think you’ll use these things? If you plan to wear them all the time, I’d suggest getting some that are well made and crafted out of high-end materials. If you’re just trying out vibrating panties for the first time or simply experimenting with features, stick with mid-grade models and keep some of your cash until you’ve made up your mind.

Lastly, know your body. Are you allergic to anything? What size clothes do you wear? How much room do you need under your everyday clothing to hide your vibrating panties? Are your genitals super sensitive or do you need something heavy-duty? All of those questions are important, and they each need to answered honestly before you proceed because the next part is a lot more complex. As such, do not move forward with your shopping trip until you have defined what sort of things you want and need (otherwise, a brand’s marketers will try to do it for you).

Here are the top 5 things you should look at or consider when shopping for your first (or next) pair of vibrating panties:

  1. SIZE
  2. MATERIALS
  3. FEATURES
  4. MANUFACTURER
  5. MAINTENANCE
Size

The size of those vibrating panties is going to matter quite a bit when it’s time to put them on or take them off. More times than I’d like to admit, I bought a pair that didn’t fit right and ended up looking or feeling like a fool because of it. Imagine someone constantly pulling loose fabric out of their crotch the entire time you’re having sex. That’s not the most attractive I’ve ever been, I’ll tell you that. Long story short, don’t ruin a good thing with a bad product.

Luckily, most vibrating panties come in a wide range of sizes, from extra small to double or even triple XL. Those that don’t are often designed to be one-size-fits all models, meaning they either stretch to insane proportions or have cute little ties on the side. Either way, you’ll have to make sure the product you’re considering has the right dimensions or else everyone’s in trouble. In many cases, vibrating panty manufacturers don’t offer a money-back guarantee simply because of the nature of their product (a.k.a. it touches your crotch). And the same can be said about most sex toys as well, although there are always exceptions.

Materials

My experience with materials is one for the record books, having not known ahead of time that I was allergic to certain fabrics. So, my advice is to either know your skin type before you go shopping or stick with hypoallergenic materials at all costs. I like my vibrating panties to be made from high-end, skin-safe stuff like cotton or silk. However, you’ll most likely find products with a wide variety of materials on the ingredients list, such as: nylon, polyester, lace, elastic, plastic/polycarbonate, silicone, TPE and latex. A material blend like that is common, especially among toys with remote controls, stretchy waistbands, and tie-backs on the side.

Keep in mind that the material of your vibrating panties matters for more than one reason. Regardless of allergies or skin sensitivities, the materials of your vibrating panties will also react differently to various types of lubrication and cleaning agents. For example, cotton panties might shrink if they’re not washed properly, but lace panties may tear if they’re not washed by hand. Furthermore, panties made with lots of plastic probably won’t stand up well against silicone or oil-based lubricants. So, what’s in your stash?

Features

Perhaps the most enjoyable yet most frustrating part of this entire shopping trip is looking through and comparing the different features of each pair. I understand that this can be maddening, which is why I’ve come up with a foolproof equation to help you figure out which features you need and which ones are just smoke and mirrors from the manufacturer’s marketing team. Behold:

  • Vibe Functions – The average person uses between 3-5 vibration settings once they become comfortable with their product.
  • Remote Controls – Controllers are nice for couple’s play, but wireless models are only worth it if they have a good range.
  • Bullet Holes – Panties with pockets for interchangeable bullet vibes are great but most of them are pretty comfortable.
  • Extras – Some panties have Sync-to-Music Technology which is fantastic, but it costs extra and is only a worthy feature if you listen to tunes while you masturbate.

To get the most bang for your vibrating panty buck, look for features that are practical for the type of sex you like to have. If you’re playing by yourself, then a wireless remote control isn’t unessential. If you like silence when you cum, the extra cost for Sync-to-Music is one you can avoid. However, remember that some of the best vibrating panties on the market have a little bit of everything. So, you may end up having to take the good with the bad if you want a pair that will last.

Manufacturer

The company that makes those vibrating britches you’re considering don’t want you to know a few things. For one, their reputation is mostly based on their ability to pay for good marketing. Some of the reviews on their site are fake and the products they peddle are made under unregulated conditions. With that said, there are several manufacturers who have earned their spot at the top of the industry’s “It” list by consistently churning out good stuff. I’ve only included panties from makers I trust, but for those of you still venturing through the battlefield I say this: Proceed with extreme prejudice.

Not all manufacturers are the same, but that means some are far better than others. Features often speak for themselves, but if those features are made out of shoddy ingredients and cheap materials they won’t really matter, now will they? A good manufacturer will offer a quality guarantee at least, if not a customer service line you can contact with questions, comments and concerns. At the end of the day, a company’s transparency (or lack thereof) can tell you a lot about them.

Maintenance

The way in which your vibrating panties must be kept and maintained is very important, especially since some models cost a couple hundred bones. Nobody wants a product that’s difficult to take care of, and fortunately most vibrating panty makers know that. Either way, make sure those britches can be washed in a machine or by hand. Things are bound to get dirty down there, so don’t pick anything that’s non-washable or extremely delicate.

Some of the nicer vibrating panties come with a convenient storage case and/or care instructions. Mind those directions to the letter if you know what’s good for you. Proper care and maintenance of those jockeys will have them performing magic tricks for years, but carelessness will have you replacing them before the end of this article. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, and don’t go for any difficult products either.

The Three Kings: My Favorite Vibrating Panties

Sifting through the myriad of options on the vibrating panty market wasn’t easy, mostly because I had a hard time convincing myself to take some of these things off. We may have had some ugly, cumbersome choices back in the day, but boy oh boy how things have changed. These days, you’ll find more attractive, well-made vibrating panties than ever before. Unfortunately for me, that means my job gets harder every year.

Either way, below are my top three favorite vibrating panties, presented to you in hopes that they’re everything you’re wanting and more (fingers crossed):

BEST OVERALL: The Fifty Shades Freed My Body Blooms

As a truly well-rounded product, the Fifty Shades Freed My Body Blooms are a pair of vibrating panties that are fit to fix what’s wrong with the industry. This ultra-sexy article of kinky clothing boasts a 12-speed engine with 8 different vibe patterns, plus it comes with a wireless remote control that has a generous 8-meter (26 foot) range. The entire contraption offers 120 minutes (2 hours) of playtime with each charge and is held together by two silly ribbon ties on the side. Those ties, which hang a few inches down the outer thigh, make it easy to put on/take off these ultimate underwear. And if that wasn’t enough, the manufacturer also throws in a luxury storage bag too. Hot damn!

PRO: The vibes are virtually silent and the battery life is more than enough.
CON: They’re not exactly cheap.

MOST COMFORTABLE: OhMiBod Club Vibe 2.Oh

With a reasonable range of 6 meters (20 feet), this remote-controlled pair of vibrating panties is shaped with the female body in mind. Made so that the vibes are always firmly pressed against the vagina or anus, these ergonomic underwear are a stimulation sensation. The OhMiBod Club Vive 2.Oh demi-thongs feature a pouch to fit your favorite vibrating bullet, plus they come with one of their own – a powerful little number which has 5 different vibe functions that can be synced to music. The rechargeable batteries have an incredible 240-minute (4 hour) runtime too, by the way.

PRO: They can accommodate other vibrating bullets in case the settings aren’t enough for you.
CON: It may be hard to find a pair of these in your size, especially since they tend to fly off the shelves.

MOST VERSATILE: The Desire Luxury Vibrating Panties

The word “luxury” is almost always associated with fine manufacturing. That’s why I wasn’t surprised by how comfortable and durable these things ended up being. Gently folded inside a thick, sturdy box that doubles as storage, the Desire Luxury Vibrating Panties have 8 speed functions with 12 vibe pattern variations to playfully combine. The tiny bullet vibrator responsible for all your pleasure is fully rechargeable and controlled by a wireless remote that has an ample 8-meter (26 foot) range. The Desire model also offers 120 minutes (2 hours) of battery life and has a convenient travel lock feature too. Ideal for long-term wear and traveling, these full-back, side-tied panties are the most fashionable and functional pair on my list.

PRO: The thick silver ribbon hanging down the side is a very attractive touch to an already sexy pair of vibrating panties.
CON: They may not be so comfortable for those who prefer to wear thongs.

The Runners Up: 3 Other Vibrating Panties Worth Your Attention

Didn’t find anything worthy of your almighty dollar from the list of vibrating panties above? First of all, you may need to loosen up the budget a bit. Secondly, perhaps your expectations aren’t in line with what’s actually available right now. Last but not least, maybe I’m the problem and my suggestions were shitty. If that’s the case, I humbly apologize and offer you my Runners Up list instead. You’ve only made my job easier, folks.

Here are 3 more pairs of vibrating panties that you might consider since you’re still shopping around:

The Lovehoney Venus Butterfly

The 10-function pair of pussy-pleasers that looks nothing like panties at all, these things offer 7 vibe patterns and 3 speeds, plus they have adjustable straps and a wired remote control.

The Little Black Thong

An itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, lace and ribbon vibrating bikini (or thong, whatever). These pretty bitches have a wireless remote that cycles through 10 vibe modes at a range of up to 19 feet, plus they’re not too bad looking either.

The Secrets Thong

A Victoria Secret-inspired pair that dares to go where no man has gone before. These panties have a 5-function wireless remote with 3 speeds and 2 distinct patterns, plus they’re stretchy enough to be suitable for all body types.

The End Game

I know picking out underwear online is a tough gig, especially when you have to consider things like features, materials and manufacturer. Simple panties are hard enough to find but finding a decent pair of vibrating panties can seem downright impossible. Hopefully, the information above has changed your mind and opened up new horizons in your sex life. No product s perfect, but what matters most is that all the features come together to give you and your partner an amazing experience (hopefully more than once). If that calls for a pair of 20-function vibrating panties with silk ties and a wireless remote control with an 8-meter range, then so be it. You’ll be wearing it under your clothes anyway, you sneaky SOB.