There’s no doubt about it. I need to be spanked.
No, I haven’t done anything wrong, and this isn’t about being horny. For those of you out there who aren’t subs, I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. For those of you out there who are subs…I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, haha.
When things in my life are stressful, being dominated…it just calms me down. Nothing does this better than spanking. It’s just this way to release everything that I’ve been holding inside.
When I was younger, I used to cut myself. I was severely depressed, and it was just a way to release my pent-up feelings. It wasn’t about endangering my life. I wanted to hurt, because maybe if it hurt, if I was bleeding, it would make sense to feel as low as I did.
I’m proud to say that I haven’t cut myself in a long time. I still deal with depression, but I’m more in control of it now. Mood swings? Yes, I have them. Bad days? Yes, I have them. Urges to see myself bleed? I’m not going to lie – yes, I have them. But I know it isn’t a safe or productive thing to do, and I know that it can lead to much more intense behaviors. It’s a slippery slope that I don’t want to find myself on again.
Spanking…I wouldn’t say that it’s a replacement for cutting, but I do see parallels. For me, it’s an act that does not feel good AT ALL, physically. Forced orgasms, nipple play, etc…that feels good. There’s pain too, of course, but it feels good. Spanking? No way. That hurts. It’s an act that is purely for the pleasure of my dom.
Yet, it’s for me as well. Because when my world is crumbling around me, spanking calms me down. I can focus on each stinging smack and release all of my stress and fear. I’m totally focused on my submission and vulnerability and love for my dom. The rest of life doesn’t seem so important when I’m being spanked.
I need to be spanked. Not for doing anything wrong per se, and not because I’m feeling especially horny. I need to be spanked because I feel my life spinning out of control. I’m trying really, really hard to focus on the positives in my life right now. It’s not so bad. I know that. It could be worse. My life isn’t horrible. For some reason, though, I’m just having a really hard time dealing with everyone and everything. For some reason, I feel like if I could just be dommed, just a little, I could turn things around and refocus on doing the things I need to do to get back control.
The funny thing is, it isn’t like I can just go out and find someone to spank me. Let’s be honest here…I’m a 24-year-old female, and while I’m not pretty, I’m also not a total troll. It wouldn’t be difficult to put up an ad and find someone to spank me for 15 minutes or so some afternoon.
But that…I don’t feel anything with that. I need to be spanked, but by someone who cares about me, someone I trust, someone who will take care of me afterward, someone who feels something for me. The spanking alone isn’t good enough. I’m not the type of girl who can feel submissive toward just anyone.
And that takes time…feelings of submission don’t just happen instantly. Since there’s no one in my life right now with whom I’m even working toward those feelings right now, the likelihood of me being spanked anytime soon is very low. So somehow, I just have to focus and get back control on my own, and that’s scary to me.
Of course, comments from everyone are welcomed, but I’m interested in hear from other subs – does submission help you feel like you have more control of your life? Oh, and and doms out there? Do you feel similarly about domming a sub? Does doing that help you in the rest of your life?
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com