Rori's Story

The Need to be Spanked


There’s no doubt about it. I need to be spanked.

No, I haven’t done anything wrong, and this isn’t about being horny. For those of you out there who aren’t subs, I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. For those of you out there who are subs…I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, haha.

When things in my life are stressful, being dominated…it just calms me down. Nothing does this better than spanking. It’s just this way to release everything that I’ve been holding inside.

When I was younger, I used to cut myself. I was severely depressed, and it was just a way to release my pent-up feelings. It wasn’t about endangering my life. I wanted to hurt, because maybe if it hurt, if I was bleeding, it would make sense to feel as low as I did.

I’m proud to say that I haven’t cut myself in a long time. I still deal with depression, but I’m more in control of it now. Mood swings? Yes, I have them. Bad days? Yes, I have them. Urges to see myself bleed? I’m not going to lie – yes, I have them. But I know it isn’t a safe or productive thing to do, and I know that it can lead to much more intense behaviors. It’s a slippery slope that I don’t want to find myself on again.

Spanking…I wouldn’t say that it’s a replacement for cutting, but I do see parallels. For me, it’s an act that does not feel good AT ALL, physically. Forced orgasms, nipple play, etc…that feels good. There’s pain too, of course, but it feels good. Spanking? No way. That hurts. It’s an act that is purely for the pleasure of my dom.

Yet, it’s for me as well. Because when my world is crumbling around me, spanking calms me down. I can focus on each stinging smack and release all of my stress and fear. I’m totally focused on my submission and vulnerability and love for my dom. The rest of life doesn’t seem so important when I’m being spanked.

I need to be spanked. Not for doing anything wrong per se, and not because I’m feeling especially horny. I need to be spanked because I feel my life spinning out of control. I’m trying really, really hard to focus on the positives in my life right now. It’s not so bad. I know that. It could be worse. My life isn’t horrible. For some reason, though, I’m just having a really hard time dealing with everyone and everything. For some reason, I feel like if I could just be dommed, just a little, I could turn things around and refocus on doing the things I need to do to get back control.

The funny thing is, it isn’t like I can just go out and find someone to spank me. Let’s be honest here…I’m a 24-year-old female, and while I’m not pretty, I’m also not a total troll. It wouldn’t be difficult to put up an ad and find someone to spank me for 15 minutes or so some afternoon.

But that…I don’t feel anything with that. I need to be spanked, but by someone who cares about me, someone I trust, someone who will take care of me afterward, someone who feels something for me. The spanking alone isn’t good enough. I’m not the type of girl who can feel submissive toward just anyone.

And that takes time…feelings of submission don’t just happen instantly. Since there’s no one in my life right now with whom I’m even working toward those feelings right now, the likelihood of me being spanked anytime soon is very low. So somehow, I just have to focus and get back control on my own, and that’s scary to me.

Of course, comments from everyone are welcomed, but I’m interested in hear from other subs – does submission help you feel like you have more control of your life? Oh, and and doms out there? Do you feel similarly about domming a sub? Does doing that help you in the rest of your life?

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at


  1. thepinkpoppet January 24, 2010 at 12:42 pm -  Reply

    Although I am a good deal older than you hon, have a totally different life from yours, and was never a cutter, I get it and understand what you are saying completely. I have been in my relationship with my Sir (the Capn) for over 28 years now (married that long, known each other over 40 years since we were small kids). Like you, I do not automatically feel some sense of submission to just anyone or any male. And I am not always so easily submissive in fact to Sir..I can often become bratty or sassy, which of course Sir actually likes since he says it is the fire within me that he enjoys the most. Living even a small portion of a BDSM lifestyle, whichever type you want to pick, is not easy for anyone…living it full time is harder…and trying to live it when you do not have a partner is the hardest I believe. The desire to submit to someone that you care about and cares about you, and someone that you share mutual respect with, is a driving force in someone that is a submissive/bottom. But it needs to be the right someone of course. As for me personally, I believe that since we are all unique individuals with unique needs and desires, there is no one right way or wrong way…just each has their own way. I try to accept everyone and whatever it is that they do regardless of whether or not I practice it. I am a submissive, a bottom, often a masochistic female with a slut side that enjoys being dominated by my Sir, enjoys getting spanked…not so much for the spanking itself as for the reaction my body gets from it and where it puts my brain. For me, getting my ass spanked, getting dominated by the one person I would trust with my life and breath, puts me in a good frame of mind. It clears my head of the ‘clutter’, organizes my frame of reference so that I can think clearly again. It resets me. For those that are not in the practice, they cannot usually understand, nor want to try to understand. For those inside of BDSM, it is easier to understand and accept as well. We do not all get the same things out of our domination/spankings/scenes…but if we are lucky and blessed, we get what we need and crave. I wish you the best of luck and happiness. I hope that this new year brings you much that you desire. Big hugs. ThePinkPoppet.

  2. Nadia West January 24, 2010 at 6:04 pm -  Reply

    I can totally understand where you’re coming from. I too have dealt with depression and I have a history of cutting. I now specifically go to my Dom for a good spanking/beating when I feel depressed or that my life is out of control. It is really calming. The release of endorphins can improve my mood for a long time after the spanking. (Orgasms help too.)

    But yes, it takes someone you have some sort of connection with to do it effectively. A stranger won’t satisfy in the same way.

  3. Rach January 25, 2010 at 12:02 am -  Reply

    Hey Hun,

    I’m submissive and love the spanking just because it chills me out and reminds me of being under someone’s control. It reverts me back to that submissive state where I don’t have to worry about the things in my everyday life. Plus it’s a very primal thing for someone to do, and I agree that it does not work with every man, I think some guys would just make me giggle! The first time I was with a dominant guy, he just took complete control of the situation and that was the first time I’d been spanked seriously. As soon as he did it, I was his completely and everytime we had sex he’d do it for me. I’m sure he got a thrill out of how easy it got my obedience!

    I had depression and the cutting issues as a teen and then went through anxiety/panic attacks and every once in a while it creeps back. The physical pain has been shown to release dopamine which is the pleasure chemical in the brain as well as the neurotransmitter which helps us to actually deal with that sensation (excuse me for slipping into my psych role!), so when a person cuts or harms themselves dopamine is also released in the same manner as getting a spank on the ass ;) It’s obviously just a healthier way to do it. Plus when you’re doing it with someone you care about and cares about you, you’re getting other neurotransmitters too like seratonin, and oxytocin which is known to relax and soothe a person.


  4. viemoira January 25, 2010 at 6:17 pm -  Reply

    I most definitely understand entirely where you’re coming from. I feel as though spankings (from someone close to me emotionally) help keep anxiety and depression at bay as well as helping me function day to day. There is not much that really takes my mind off of life’s stresses, but a good harsh spanking is definitely one way to do so.

  5. Christopher March 29, 2010 at 10:58 am -  Reply

    Our teenage fantasies stay with us for life. I discovered my ex liked spanking. She liked the idea of being spanked naked with men watching her and being told she was a slut.

    I’ve discovered that teen girls fantasies are often based around “sex without guilt”. If they had sex willingly, their mums would call them sluts. But if they are “spanked by a teacher” or tied up and forced to have sex with a handsome older boy, they can’t be blamed for the event.

    But I’ve also met women who want to be told what to do the whole time. One said it made her feel secure. (But in reality, only if the dominater makes all the correct decisions.)

    Maybe there should be “confessors” who visit ladies’ homes, listen to their confessions of bad things they’ve done and then , instead of 10 Hail Marys, give them a good hard spanking!

    What do you think?

  6. Christopher March 31, 2010 at 8:46 am -  Reply

    When I was about 19 I used to go tho the local disco. One girl in our group there seemed to fancy me but it wasn’t reciprocated. One night she said something to annoy me. I said, “If you say that again, I’ll spank you over my knee.” She leaned nearer and said “you wouldn’t dare.” Twice more she said it and leaned nearer. So I grabbed her and spanked her. But she yelled and waved her arms about so that everyone in the hall was looking at her. I realised then that some women are turned on by being spanked while being watched.
    About 3 years later, I was temping in an office with 2 girls and a man. A typist came in telling the girls she was feeling “aggressive”. She threw paperclips at me. I told her if she did it again, I’d whack her with a 3ft wooden ruler. She did it again. So I bent her over and gave her one big whack. I could see by their body language the other 3 were turned on by it.
    Later on the typist invited me out for a drink! (I didn’t go.) When I left, the 2 (married) girls gave me smoochy kisses goodbye.
    But on a sad note, I believe that girls who like corporal punishment often choose partners who end up hitting them “outside the bedroom”. So a “spanking for being naughty” followed by sex becomes a punch for being “disobedient”.

  7. Darren February 28, 2012 at 3:49 pm -  Reply

    its funny that girls nead to be spanked I loved my wife (RIP) I worked away and and use to call her every day she started getting cheaky and rude I DID LOVE HER and just joking I told her that if she did not stop it I would spank her bum she just said you wont do that I TOLD HER WANT A BET. After 28 days working away. Gaye came to pick me up this was so good to have her in my arms just holding her and feeling the love that I missed. Driving home and tierd she just started to get be cheaky again being tierd I was not. SO I pulled over I at the lake I neaded a brake telling her I nead to walk around she came with me I stoped at the table asked her if she was going stop this as I was not going to put up with it. What are you going to do about it. That anough PULLING HER OVER MY KNEE I spanked her 5 times to show her I was not joking letting her up is that all, come here moving to me I told her to undo her jeans pull them down she did holding her pulling her back over my knee seting on my knee I sliped her pantes down Noooo then making her back sided as red as panties sliping her of my knee pulling her pants back up i held her as the sun went down over the water love making was so good.

    she was a person who had a lot of douts about her self so dont some one is out there Im still looking good luck

    • Rori February 28, 2012 at 5:04 pm -  Reply

      Sometimes, a girl just craves being spanked. :) Thanks for sharing your story!

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