The End. Kind of. For now.

Daddy and I are over.

Those five words hurt to type more than anything else I’ve ever had to write. And I’m ok about it, even if it is hard. The whole situation is more complicated than just breaking up like a normal couple. And yes, for those of you who have been wondering, he is here at my house right now.

I know people want to know, so I’ll do my best at explaining. Right now, Daddy has had an old flame come back into his life and she really needs him. They aren’t together by any means right now, and I’m confident that even if do begin to date, it won’t last. She’s not good for him; she’s like an infection.

Maybe that is half the jealousy talking, but it is true too. As soon as she doesn’t need him anymore, she will leave. Deep down, he admits he knows it as well. She doesn’t support him or his work, and more than once she’s nearly given him an ultimatum (being with her or being friends with me), and I think if she ever finally came out and said that, he’d hang up and never talk to her again. Daddy is not the type of guy you threaten. Yet, I know she needs him right now, and I know that at the end of the day, he needs to do what he needs to do to be happy.

That’s not the only thing driving us apart right now, though. The distance thing is an issue, and although we were hoping that could be resolved by the beginning of the year, it doesn’t look like it will be. This entire relationship was contingent upon living near one another again, and we’re not sure when that will happen – IF it will happen. I still hope it will, even if just as friends, because he is one of my favorite people of all time.

And I think the real nail in the coffin right now is that he can’t give me what I need in my life right now as far as submission. I’m a very high-strung person dealing with tons of stress at work – it is just the nature of the industry. While I need to feel in control in my life, submission is how I get that release. The past year-ish with Daddy has really helped me realize that. He is a dominant person by nature, but with her in his life, he can’t split his time between her and me…I have too constant of a need. He doesn’t deserve that extra pressure in his life right now.

So this is the end. Kind of. For now.

I still consider him my Daddy, and I don’t think love was ever an issue here. I still love him very deeply, and he tells me he still loves me, which I am inclined to believe. At the end of the day, I believe that we’ll be together. We’re too perfect together, and we understand one another too well. We’ve been there for one another more so than any person could wish a friend to be there, and that isn’t going to change.

I’m not going to look for a new relationship. If it happens, it happens, but I don’t think I’d feel right about it, knowing that they were always second in my heart to Daddy. What I am going to look for is a new dom in my life. I’m not looking for any kind of sexual or romantic relationship, because frankly, I want Daddy back. I need submission in my life though. Without it, things get really unstable for me, and with all of the recent changes in my life (there’s been more than just this break up), I need that.

Daddy has agreed to it. I still defer to him on things in my life, and he agreed that I need a dom in my life to take care of me while he can’t. Anyone I’m interested in has to be approved by Daddy, and ultimately, I can’t fully give myself to someone else at this point, so whoever it is will have to understand that. Eventually, who knows.

So, to summarize, Daddy is still in my life as my best friend and confidant and, on a small level, my Daddy. Someday, I think we’ll be back together again. In the meantime, all I can do is be me, hope he continues to love me as I love him, and look for someone else to also be in my life in the meantime.

Sigh. I’m trying to be ok, but this is still hard.

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

• Mail
|
• Twitter
|
• Facebook
|
• Reddit
|
• More Posts (546)