This year the 12 Naughty Days of Christmas is completely BDSM-themed. It’s an advent calendar for doms and subs! Don’t worry; there are activities for both couples and those who are single, so no matter what your relationship status, you can have a little sexy fun this holiday season.
Domination and submission doesn’t always have to be physical. In fact, some of the best activities for D/s couples (and all couples in general) are non-physical, giving you a chance to connect on an emotional or intellectual level.
For D/s couples, one of the best activities I can recommend is to come up with some rules. So today, your challenge is just that – to develop 5 Golden Rules.
For couples: The “golden rule” is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This doesn’t really work for D/s couples. Could you imagine giving your dom a swat on the behind every time your craving a spanking?? Instead, work together to come up with five rules that do work for you. These rules are going to be different for every couple, depending on your dynamics. Here are some things to consider:
- Rules that help you achieve your goals
For example, if you’re a sub trying to lose weight, one of your rules might be that you need to exercise every day before your dom gets home from work or if you’re a dom with a sub who’s trying to find a job, one of your rules might be that you and your sub review job openings every night before bed and discuss which ones are a good fit so you can apply the next day.
- Rules about communication
Communication is important in any relationship. One of my favorite rules is “never go to bed angry at one another,” but your communication rules could take on a more D/s spin too. For example, maybe one of your rules could be that your sub has to crawl on his/her knees to you and ask for a spanking when craving one, not misbehave.
- Rules about housework and other responsibilities
Who’s in charge of the chores around the house? What about family responsibilities if you have children? Who pays the bills? Both the dom and the sub in a relationship need to take on responsibilities to make a relationship work.
- Rules about body and orgasm control
Part of a D/s relationship for most couples is for the dom to take physical control of his sub. Many subs have to ask permission to orgasm or can’t masturbate without their dom’s permission. Some couples do complete power exchange, where the sub has to act for permission for everything, from going to the store to using the bathroom. Do what works for the two of you.
- Rules specific to problems you’ve had in the past
If you’ve had problems in your relationship, perhaps you can create rules to help avoid problems in the future. For example, if you’ve fought over seeing your ex, maybe one of your rules is that you have to only hang out with exes when you’re both there. Rules can be for both of you, not just the sub!
Rules can be serious, but they can also be a lot of kinky fun too! Don’t be afraid to add a little kink to your list as well, beyond body/orgasm control. For example, maybe you have to wake up your dom with a blow job at least once a week. Or maybe your sub has to make you come with his tongue or fingers before he gets to fuck you. Don’t put too much pressure on kinky rules, or sex won’t be fun anymore. If they’re “broken” have equally fun punishments – the dom who doesn’t get his wake-up blow job might have free reign to wake you up instead with some rough face-fucking!
Make your five rules work for you! This isn’t by far an exhaustive list of all the types of rules you can write together – the important thing is that you work together to come up with a list that makes sense for your relationship.
For single subs: You might not have a dom, but you can still make some rules to give your life some structure. You can hold yourself responsible for the rules you create, or you can even start a blog and turn to your readers for support. Some of the same above types of rules still apply. It depends what makes sense for your life. For example, you might create a rule that you have to complete all of the chores around the house before you’re allowed to turn on the TV at night. Or you can create a rule that you’ll push yourself to explore your sexuality by masturbating at least X number of times per week. Or you can create a rules that if you want to eat dessert, you have to be wearing your largest (and most uncomfortable) butt plug. Get creative!
For single doms: Just because you’re not a sub doesn’t mean you can’t have rules for yourself as well. Think about what you want in life and sit down to write out some rules for yourself. Ofter, we’re dating or pursuing the wrong people, and that’s why we’re not happy. So, for example, let’s say politics are important to you. One of your rules might be to stop dating men uneducated and to only date subs who can speak intelligently about their political beliefs (even if they don’t agree with you!). Or let’s say that you really dislike children. One of your rules might be to only date women who aren’t interested in starting a family someday. Rules are about discovering what you want and making a commitment to yourself to go after those things! Of course, you can have some kinky rules too – all doms are allowed to have some sexy fun too!
If you want to play more, check out the rest of the 12 Naughty Days of Christmas posts!
About Rori
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com
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