I have to preface this by saying that I’m not a “normal” girl. I have a higher sex drive than most women, I like male-centric activities like football and video games, I like raunchy jokes and nasty porn. But I’m still female, and really, I think these rules could apply to men as well. Sometimes, the last thing that’s on my mind is wanting to fuck.
If you’re partner’s not “in the mood” but you’re super horny, here are a few tips you can do to change the situation in your favor:
- Talk to her about the stresses in her life.
I’d say about fifty percent of the time a girl who’s not in the mood for sex (especially if that girl is usually down for getting dirty) feels that way because she’s stressed out about something. Everybody needs to vent sometimes…so let her vent. Be her shoulder to cry on and just listen. You don’t have to have the answers; you just have to show her support. Talking things out can make someone feel a lot better. When her mind isn’t occupied with other crap, sex is back on the table.
- Get her relaxed – with no pressure.
Putting pressure on someone can make them dig in their heels and resist sex even when they want it. When someone isn’t in the mood and you try to force them to be in the mood, things can go south in a hurry. Instead, take the pressure off. Give your sweetie a back rub, cuddle up to watch a movie together, pour some wine (though not too much – getting a girl drunk isn’t classy), or draw a nice bubble bath for her. Get the kids out of the house and clean a little to make her day easier. Do this without expectations of sex. Just make her feel relaxed and less pressured and there’s a better chance she’ll come around.
- Make her feel beautiful.
Another common reason girls don’t want sex is that they feel ugly or fat. Make your lady feel beautiful. Comment on a feature you like (hairs, eyes, clothing) in a sincere way. Be a little touchy-feely. Kiss her cheek or forehead in a sweet way. If there’s a part of her body she hates, don’t focus on that because your compliments will seem insincere. Instead, talk about things she does like or has been working hard to improve. The more beautiful she feels, the more likely she’ll be up for a roll in the day.
- Dress for success.
A lot of guys let themselves go once they have a girlfriend. Think about how you dressed and groomed yourself in the days when you were first dating. You don’t have to wear a suit, but if you show up in sweats and forget to shave, she’s not going to look at you and immediately think “sex god.” Put your best foot forward to set the tone.
- Set the stage.
Lastly, you’ll find a girl more willing to fuck if she feels comfortable. Don’t underestimate the importance of a clean house! You can also go the extra mile and light some candles or put some fresh flowers on the table. Cliche mood music can help too, believe it or not, and in the winter, build a fire to make the house feel cozy. A snuggly environment will make any girl more willing to get closer.
About Rori
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com
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All good advice. But the thing I find works with my partner best is just to tell her that I WANT her.
I do it in the context of our lives and her/our stresses,. But I find that when I grab her jean pockets, pull her close, kiss her on the neck and lips, and tell that I understand but that — goddamn — I want her, she seems to get in the mood regardless, no matter what else is going on.
The best part of this approach is that I don’t do it right before I pull her into the bedroom. I do it hours before anything will happen, due to kids and life and all that. So by the time we do have time alone, she’s forewarned, forearmed, and ready.
Long story short, I do think that telling your significant other that you want them is pretty powerful. Works for me anyway
That is a REALLY good tip, Chris. The simplest/best thing a couple can do is communicate…and yes, that means communication about sex too!
I’ll make sure to get this list to my husband, thanks!!
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You’re welcome! Hope they work for you!
Coming from a girl who does have those nights where I just can’t seem to get in the mood, I think these are great ideas! I also agree with Chris that hearing my man tell me he needs me or wants me badly also does the trick but it seems like the gentle approach is the way to go on nights I am super stressed about something.
He is very good about asking me to talk or asking me how my day was and that goes a lot way for me. I appreciate that he cares enough to ask..even if he does just want in my pants
Keep the advice coming Rori! We love it!
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Glad you liked the tips! Chris’ tip was definitely a good one.