As some of you might already know, I’m currently dating a wonderful man named Cash who unfortunately lives about three hours from me. Earlier this week, I got an email from a reader and fellow blogger about the situation:

I had an online dating question. I have just recently started online dating, and so far it has been an interesting experience. The fact that it is online has a really negative stigma. Anyways, I have been talking to this guy (about 8 hours away on a perfect drive). I really want to meet up with him, but have a lot of hesitation.

You met Cash online, right? I know you mentioned that there is a distance thing, so I was wondering at what point did you feel comfortable staying with him/letting him stay with you/ be alone with him?

I am willing to meet him halfway for now, but I think if I was to wait a bit more, I would be willing to go where he is (since they have this really fun sounding garlic festival). Do you just go with your gut, when meeting guys online, or is there something else you look for?

Naughty Tashamber

I wanted to post my response because I thought it might be helpful to others going through the same situation (and hopefully you all can weigh in with some advice as well).

Cash and I did in fact meet online. We live about three hours from one another (when he’s not away for work), so it’s not quite as far as your scenario, but I have met guys who lived farther.

It is definitely a gut thing, but—and this is what you might not like to hear—my gut isn’t always right. In fact, I’ve met some really awful people before, not just guys who didn’t connect with me well, but guys who were truly mean, horrible people.

My recommendations is to go for it if your gut is telling you this could be a cool guy, but be really smart about it. I think it’s a great idea to start by meeting halfway. That will allow you to both get a feel for one another before either person commits to a full eight-hour trip. Meet someone very public like a restaurant or mall, rather than a secluded park. Cash and I met at the train station and went into the city together—all very public stuff for our first date.

If you’re staying overnight, get separate rooms. I know it sounds silly if you really do like one another, but it’s important to have that separate safe space where you can go if you’re uncomfortable. Until you’re ready to be intimate, always insist on that separate hotel room rather than staying at his house or in the same room. During Cash’s first visit here, he got a hotel room for the night and even though we ended up liking one another; I was still very happy we did that. When you plan to stay at someone’s house or in a room together, it puts a lot of pressure on the situation (besides being potentially unsafe).

Online dating still does have a weird connotation, but it is becoming more and more popular. Don’t worry—there are no more creeps there than there are at a bar or party or wherever else you might be meeting someone. However, pay attention to the details. It should send up red flags if the stuff he’s saying doesn’t really check out or he’s really unwilling to give personal details about his life. Friend him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter if he uses those social media sites. Don’t be afraid to Google him (though take anything you read with a grain of salt— not everything online is true). If he’s not being open and honest with you from day one, be wary.

Lastly, keep in mind that the distance isn’t going to go away. Even if you do like one another, it might not be the best relationship for you—8 hours is a lot of travel time to be with someone. Of course, every situation is different. For Cash and me, it makes sense because both of our careers give us some freedom that allows us to see one another on a regular basis and his career goals have him moving to my area in the next few years anyway. But you have to make sure it’s right for the two of you. If you can’t see how you’ll be able to come together in the future because you’re both unwilling to move, getting attached might not be the best plan. Every couple is different—just understand that distance is tough even for two people committed to seeing one another as much as possible.

Hope that helps!

And readers, I hope you’ll take a moment to leave your advice for Naughty as well with a comment below.

Every week, I get tons of guest post inquiries, which has led to some pretty darn cool posts here at Between My Sheets. I’d like to take it to the next level by opening up some contributor positions!

I’m looking for a few people interested in becoming monthly columnists right here on Between My Sheets. What I am looking for in a contributor:

• Someone who can commit to writing at least one post a month for at least the next six months.
• Someone with a basic understanding of grammar, spelling, and formatting basics.
• Someone who has experience using a blogging platform (WordPress preferred) or is a quick learner.
• Someone active on Twitter and/or Facebook—and not shy about sharing kinky stuff.

Writing under a pen name is fine. Refusing to post pictures is fine. If you don’t currently have your own blog, that’s fine too! The most important part is this:

You have a great column idea that is kink/fetish related.

Maybe you want to start a parenting advice column for kinksters. Maybe you want to post a monthly photo celebrating your foot fetish. Maybe you want to write gay submission erotica. Maybe you want to publish a monthly BDSM activism post. Actually, I’d love to post any of this stuff, and I’m completely open to your ideas too! Be creative and make sure you’re able to post consistently with whatever topic you choose.

What do you get in exchange:

• Your post in front of hundreds of thousands of readers here at BMS.
• Your own bio box at the end of every post with links back to your blog or website (if you have one) and your social profiles.
• Links throughout the post you write may go back to your own site or affiliate products—as long as those links are super relevant to the post information.
• If you’re a blogger, you can write a post in two parts: part one posted here and at the end, a link to part two posted on your own blog.
• Every quarter, the contributor post with the most comments will earn a gift certificate for free sex toys.
• The opportunity to take on paid projects as they become available (I currently only have one paid position here at BMS and it’s been filled…but when more open up, I’ll consider my contributors for it first).
• Free access to all BMS publications scheduled for release in the future.

Think that sounds like a good deal? Fill out the form below to be considered! I apologize, but depending on the number of applications I receive, I may not be able to get back to everyone. Also, spots are limited, so make sure you get your application in soon. I’ll be closing the form as soon as all the spots are filled, so it’s on a first-come basis in that respect.

Have more than one column idea? Cool. Fill out the form twice…or three times…or however many times you need! Make sure you review BMS a bit to make sure that you’re not repeating something I already do on a regular basis.

SPECIAL NOTE: I’m definitely looking for someone who can commit to posting sex-related book reviews on a regular basis. The book reviewer position can be something you do in addition to a regular column or it can be the only thing you do. I have books that you can choose to do (you’ll get a free digital copy) or you can choose your own (sorry, you’ll have to buy it yourself if that’s the case). If you’re interested in reviewing books in addition to another column idea, no need to fill out the form twice, just check the box.

Looking forward to hearing from you guys and gals!

Every Tuesday I ask a question so we can all answer it! My answer is written in the post, and you can tell everyone your answer with a comment—or feel free to write your own blog post about the topic and link to it in the comments below! Read more Rori Asks posts here.

This week’s question: What’s your “secret move” in bed?

We all have them. You know, moves that—with any luck—make us awesome in bed. Whether you’re with a partner forever or for the night, we all want to be the best person they’ve ever fucked.

So what are your secret moves, those special things you do to set you apart from everyone else? Was it something you learned from a past partner? Something you read in Cosmo? Something you saw in a porn? Something you accidentally stumbled upon one drunken night with an ex during college?

Yes, today I’m asking you to share your secrets…and in exchange, I’m willing to share mine. Well, one of them.

Ready…okay, here’s what I do: When I’m giving a blow job, I suck hard.

That seems silly, I know. But I suck really hard. I swallow his cock not to the point where I think I’m going to gag, but pretty far…and I suck like I’m trying to get a think milkshake through a thin straw. It’s hard.

If your man is super sensitive, it’s probably a move they won’t like for more than a few seconds. But I’ve found that most guys go berserk when I do it. You have to feel them out. Some guys love it really, really sparingly for just a few seconds in between head bobs. Other guys can’t get enough of it and loooove a rough blow job. But I’ve yet to meet a guy who didn’t like it at all.

I did it randomly once for a few seconds and the guy I was seeing at the time was like, “Woah, what was that?!? Do it again!” It made him cum from a blow job, which wasn’t a normal occurrence for him. So I tried it again with the next guy…and he requested it again and again. Now, I have had guys who told me it was a little too much, but like I said, I just reeled it in and did it for a few seconds between head bobs rather than continuously, and they seemed to enjoy it as well.

Of course, that’s not the only move I have between the sheets…but it’s the one I’m willing to share today!

So now it’s your turn: What’s you’re signature secret move?

Porn falls into three basic categories: cartoon (mostly hentai), amateur, and professional. Cartoon/hentai porn is kind of in a class itself, but amateur porn and professional porn are often pitted against one another. Which is better?

A Case for Professionally-Produced Porn

I watch a ton of porn, and most of the stuff out there is professionally produced. In other words, the models are getting paid to fuck around on camera. Now, there are some definite advantages to this type of porn:

• Usually, stars in in more than one film, so you can look up other videos they’ve been in as well when you find someone you like.
• Porn stars fuck for a living, so they’re usually pretty good at it!
• Porn girls (and guys to some extent) fit into ideals, so you can find porn based on the “type” you like (BBW, ethnic, etc.)
• Professional porn has good lighting and sound, as well as angles that allow you to see what’s going on.
• Professional porn is edited to take out the bits that are boring or awkward.

Under the heading of professional porn, there’s also “pretend amateur porn” – this is porn where the models are so-called amateurs, but the video is a lot like the other professional videos you see. Pretend amateur porn usually focuses on really young girls, the “barely legal” type—or at least young-looking, since I’ve heard that some “just turned 18″ models are actually well into their 20s.

In any case…I’m not a fan. If I want amateur models, I don’t want them to be faking it. It’s almost always really obvious.

Why Amateur Porn is My Favorite

Now, if you skip ahead to the bottom of this post, you’ll see that this is sponsored by an amateur porn site. Make no mistake about it, though, they aren’t paying me to give the thumbs up to amateur porn. I love amateurs. While I do love porn stars as well, my favorite is seeing real girls fucking their real boyfriends.

I like the flaws. It makes me feel better about my own flawed body. I like seeing the shyness and the hesitation. It makes me feel more secure in bed. I even like the weird camera angels, the conversation going on in the background, and the lower quality. It just makes it easier for me to imagine myself in the scene as well.

I love sites that have cam shows, especially free ones. I don’t mean that because I’m cheap, but free cam models, even though they are not always naked, just sometimes chatting, are 100% real. I also love sites that do photo shoots with real girls (and guys), giving them their first porn experience. The nervous giggling is always really cute.

Oh, and I LOVE reality/public stuff. Often what you see is the “fake” variety, but when you get a true amateur video, it’s golden. I guess that’s why Girls Gone Wild is still so popular after all these years!

So there you have it, my vote is for amateur porn. I love all types, but it just has a special place in my heart. What about you guys? Amateur or professional? Or are you a fan of cartoon/hentai instead? Or do you like the pretend amateur stuff? Leave a comment!

This post is sponsored by Amateur Model Site, where you can see lots of amateur models participating in hot nude photo shoots (and getting on camera too! All opinions expressed are my own.

Do you have a case of the Mondays? Hopefully we can get you through it here at Between My Sheets! Every Monday, I’ll post hot porn clips to make the first day of the work week considerably more fun.

Anyone who knows me knows that James Deen is one of my favorite porn stars of all time. Yuummm. And not only does the man know how to work it, he’s awesome in domming scenes and his partners are usually equally hot. Today’s videos are from one of the best sites out there if you’re into BDSM like I am: Sex and Submission! Just click on the image above to get all the video clips from this hot scene. That’s right, six videos featuring James Deen with the lovely Anikka Albright.

Click through yet? Yeaaaah. *smiles and nods* If you want more , you can see all Masturbation Monday posts here.