Hard. And not the fun kind.
Today was a hard day. Hard tough, not hard turn-on penis, unfortunately. I’m constantly reminded that life isn’t simple or fair or easy…ever. I’m also constantly reminded that my feelings of submission are just a scratch on the surface of what my currently relationship is about.
Sometimes I wonder if my needs are the same as his wants. I know that submission is about giving up your needs to make your owner/master/daddy/sir/lord/whatever happen. Believe me, I get it. At the same time, if both people aren’t on the same page with wants and needs in a relationship, things can never work.
I need control and direction and submission in my life. I need these things more than Daddy needs to be in control and give direction and dominate me. Its an imperfect relationship in that sense.
At the same time, I feel like there are times when I can set my submission aside to get things done and those are the points in time where he holds fast to his role, needing to feel in control of me and in control of his life. So once again, things are imperfect.
They’ll never be perfect. I don’t think there is a single person out there who is in a perfect relationship. That’s ok. I guess the test is how much you want to fight for one another, fight to be together, fight to make things work. It is all too easy to let things slip away.
Today was hard. My apologies for a vague, rambling entry, though that’s what most of my entries seem to be and ya’ll keep coming back :-p
You’re not alone, Rori. Sometimes it’s a matter of submitting even if he isn’t controlling and calling the shots. It’s about staying in that place mentally for when they get back into the swing of things.
*hugs*
October 7th, 2008 at 1:28 am*BIG HUGS*
October 7th, 2008 at 7:08 am