Between My Sheets

After making up my mind that I wasn’t going to go out with the Bad Butterflies Guy (we’ll just call him BBG for now) until I knew where things were going (or not going) with V…we decided to go see fireworks together. Yes, it has made my life more complicated. I don’t regret it though. It was the best fourth of July I’ve had in a long, long time. And I had to know.

So were there fireworks afterward? Yes, but not how you’re thinking. The fact of the matter is that I don’t want to sleep around, and right now, sex with V makes me super happy. And BBG is fresh out of his relationship, so he’s not even close to ready for anything like that. So no, we didn’t have sex. You may not believe me, but we didn’t even kiss. There are just too many other things going on for us to complicate things any farther. Hell, I don’t even want to DATE around. All we did is talk and snuggle a little, and to be honest…just talking was amazing. I couldn’t have asked for a better night with someone. That shell I have? For some reason, I started to let it down with him, more than I’ve done with anyone since D on any level. We talked about things that I haven’t talked to anyone about in nearly a decade.

So where does that leave me? It leaves me figuring things out. And going slow. And just making sure that I don’t hurt anyone. V knows that BBG exists. I mean, he reads this site (edit: and I’ve talked to him). BBG knows that V exists. We’ve talked about it.

One guy is an amazing dom. I mean, I don’t know, but I think he really is starting to care about me and I can see us being happy together for a long time. He’s someone who just seems to be really compatible with me, and over time I can see myself falling in love with him. Maybe. At this point, I don’t know, and I don’t think he does either. For now, we have a ton of fun together, I like taking care of him, and the sex is great.

The other guy is someone who just gets me, especially on an emotional level. I know that if I’d let myself, I’d fall in love with him fast and hard, but I’m not 100% sure those feelings would last. We have the same life goals, but there are definitely ways in which our interests aren’t as compatible. We’re just friends for now, although we both have other feelings too. But no sex, no messing around. Just getting to know one another on a friends level.

Eventually, someone will ask for commitment or say goodbye. I know that I won’t have two guys in my life like this at the same time forever, nor do I want that…though I do hope that they both want to remain in my life in some capacity, because I do consider them both amazing men and great friends. My goal is just to always be honest with both of them, and not hurt anyone. Including myself.