Are We Born Submissive or Dominant?
It was quite some time ago, but my friend Kathleen posted a really interesting article about whether or not she was born poly. (I couldn’t find the specific post in question, but maybe she’ll be nice enough to stop by and leave the link here for us in a comment!)
I haven’t been avoiding the topic…just thinking about it. Was I born submissive, just like some people are born with brown hair or born Caucasian? Maybe…but I don’t think that it is as simple as that.
I like to think that somewhere instead, I do have a "submissive" gene - or at least, a genetic predisposition. This is an argument that I use whenever someone starts a homosexuality debate, but that’s a topic for another day.
When it comes to submission, I think that yes, I might have been born with a predisposition. However, that doesn’t mean I HAD to become a sub or even that I’d like being a sub. Say, for example, I would have been raped when I was younger. Trust issues and bad memories might not allow me to enjoy submission. That’s not always the case - I mean, for those of you who’ve been around the sex blog-o-sphere for awhile, you might remember a blog that was called, I think, Puppy Tails. As I understand it, that blogger had experienced rape, and she was still happy being a sub. (On a side note, I really miss that blogger. I would have liked to get to know her better.)
It’s how you’re raised too. My parents were strict by some standards, but as far as letting my be whoever I wanted to be, they were very open. My dad always dreamed that I’d by a down-home farm girl, all-start softball pitcher, married with kids. Here I am, anything but. And he’s OK with that. So, I thin them allowing me to have an open mind about things has really helped my realize my submission potential.
I’m not really sure where I was going with this topic…I just wanted to talk about it. As I’ve said before, being submissive is really new for me, at least in "official" terms. I’ve felt this way for a long time, but it was Daddy who really made it OK in my life.
I think it must be innate to a degree as the rest of our personality may be, but I imagine things like this are if not developed, then at least enhanced or further set, during our early years of sexual experience.
I’ve always been the most knowledgeable and experienced in all my relationships and encounters (possibly because I was born relatively dominant), so naturally I’ve acted in a dominant way.
I wonder if I had had a much more experienced or older first girlfriend if I would be more submissive?
June 26th, 2008 at 8:20 pmI can’t say I agree. For I’ve found I like both sides of the coin. My personality in real life with aquaintences, coworkers, strangers, heck even family is, I think “submissive”. With the few friends I really know well and feel comfortable with, I think I’m more “dominant”. But yet, I’m a people-pleaser any time, I’d rather defer to someone else’s suggestions rather than voice mine, have mine followed, and them be unhappy.
I’m either dominant or submissive depending on the other person, in a sexual relationship. Some I feel neither with. A rare few I can switch with.
June 28th, 2008 at 3:54 amHi! I know what you mean… I am pretty sure that I was “born” with sub tenancies, and maybe even switch.
The posts you referenced were here and here:
June 30th, 2008 at 8:08 pmhttp://polyspace.wordpress.com/2008/05/19/being-poly-is-like-being-gay/
http://polyspace.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/being-poly-and-learning-poly/
I think for me, it’s been more about a particular relationship with a particular person and how we interact. Yet there must have been something beneath the surface that that person brought out….
July 8th, 2008 at 7:24 am