I’ve always been a really mature person for my age. I think I got my first babysitting job when I was like 13 years old, maybe even younger. I’m not talking about "mom is running to the store so you have to watch a younger sibling." I’m talking about the lady down the street hiring me to watch her 4-year-old and 6-year-old for eight hours twice a week while she was working. People just trusted me, and rightfully so. I’m not saying that I haven’t made mistakes – I have. In general, though, I’m the most level-headed, safe, mature, responsible person in a room at any given time.
But there’s one thing that I need in my life that makes me feel really self-centered and immature: I need people to tell me that they care.
I don’t know why I feel like that. Daddy knows though, and has dealt with me upset about it. If my non-local friends go a few months without calling or emailing me, I start to get really depressed and upset about it, especially if my emails or calls to them go unanswered. I’m not stupid. The logical side of me knows that they have busy lives and, frankly, when you don’t live near one another, there isn’t always something to say.
For some reason, though, I begin to feel forgotten. It’s like how you’d feel if your mother (or anyone important in your life) forgot it was your birthday. You know they care, but it is still a sad, empty feeling.
I relate this need for (semi) constant attention to my need for submission. If you read back far enough in my archives, you’ll see that I didn’t always call Daddy "Daddy." I started by calling him Master, sometimes mixed in with Sir. Honest, though, it didn’t feel right for either of us. We feel into this Daddy/babygirl dynamic pretty naturally, and I think that has a lot to do with me. I need to be submissive because I need to please people. Moreover, I need to hear from people that I’ve made them happy and that they’re proud of me and that they love me. I don’t know what. I just do.
Daddy is always very good at telling me he loves me, and although lately or time to interact in a D/s way has been highly limited, when I make him proud, he doesn’t keep it to himself. That’s part of the reason I love him so much. I’ve never talked to him before about this (until tonight), but he always, I think, knew on some level that I needed to hear "good job," that I needed that pat on the back. And I think that I know he needs to say it. He needs to have someone take care of his needs, he needs to be the most important person in someone’s life, and he needs to show her affection without editing. Maybe I’m wrong about that, and if I am, I hope he’ll correct me.
About Rori
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com
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I have always needed that affirmation too.
My sweetheart loves me to call him sir although our relationship is in its infancy we both like the idea of the Dom/sub scenario but not as a way of life.
I do want to know more about it though.
I don’t think it’s necessarily immature.
Needing to be told (or showed) that you’re cared about and loved is a very valid need… Personally I go a little overboard with it, as well, in that with people I’m close with, I’m constantly judging whether they actually care for me or not until they do ‘something’ that proves that they really, truly do. For a while, I cared about pleasing others so much that it was almost detrimental to myself…
I saw *that* as a bad thing though, and recently tried to stop being so ‘dependent’. And I think it’s working. But I’m currently halfway around the world from several close friends (and lovers), and whenever I go a few days without getting emails from them it makes me sad… =|
The ironic thing is that, in sex, I’m slowly growing into a more ‘dom’ role… odd.
secretlynaughty, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a “way of life” per se. I know a lot of people who just keep it in the bedroom. Really, though, you should do what is natural. Don’t force it to stay between the sheets if you feel like trying elements in your daily life. There doesn’t have to be “rules” or something. For example, maybe you just like to sit at his feet while watching TV. Explore it and do what feels right!
Wilhelmina,
Thanks for commenting! It’s such a fine line – needing affection without being too dependent. For me, I always have to keep things in check by not getting to the point where I can’t survive without Daddy. I always say though, that just because I can survive without him doesn’t mean that I want to.
Being so far away from the people you care about must be tough! I get it though – after college, I moved away from almost everyone I knew, and the transition period was tough. It still is tough sometimes. If you ever need an ear to just listen, email me