4 Responses to “How to Last Longer in Bed”

  1. speedyguy says:

    I hope you’ll forgive the throwaway “from” address, because I suffer from this problem and it’s embarrassing. I have what I think of as a functional or engineering view of the problem, and wanted to give the guy’s perspective. Shoot holes in it if you want, I’m sure some of you will.

    I have had upwards of 50 partners (10+ long term) and only experienced coming-too-fast with a few. This says to me that the problem is *not* entirely or mostly selfishness on my part. Rather it has to do with the way most people’s sexual equipment — including the brain — is wired.

    Like most guys I know, I can easily be roused (not just to erection but to a state well beyond that, where it’s physically painful not to “proceed with the operation”) just by seeing my girlfriend’s face when she wants it — especially if she engages in yet more provocative behaviors such as flirting or raising her eyebrows. This is natural, and I can’t turn it off except by persuading her to hold off on doing those things.

    The woman’s body, of course, takes much longer to arouse, and you know about that better than I.

    Therefore, the right answer is not to blame the problem on one partner, and make it worse by “punishing” him, but to cooperate in finding a solution.

    When I go on a date with one of the women with whom this happens, I should (and do) make every effort, both to delay my own body’s physical arousal, and to speed up hers. *And she should also be trying as hard as she can to achieve those same two goals.*

    Of course, most affected women aren’t going to listen to me long enough to hear this solution. So they wind up on the “too bad, so sad” list.

    • Rori says:

      Thank you SO MUCH for the input! I love to get a guy’s perspective on things. I think you hit the nail on the head with your last comment: if a woman doesn’t give a crap about finding a solution, they should get shown the door. Any girl worth her weight will want to work with you on it.

      Don’t be too embarrassed. While it does get annoying for the girl if the guy doesn’t care about her pleasure (i.e. he’s selfish), it can sometimes feel kinda awesome to know that you can turn on a man that much before I’m even naked.

  2. Rob Kubsch says:

    I have found it beneficial to ensure that my spouse is totally engaged in the act. Taking the time to set the mood, the time, the lighting, everything helps to make sure that the pressure is off–just to have that final moment of glory.

    Try to avoid the happy ending; enjoy the moment(s) you have with your spouse/partner. This will create the longer lasting, incredible sex you will talk about for days and crave for years.

  3. Camryn says:

    I think it’s important to note that “too soon” varies. If all parties are sated and satisfied, the duration of vaginal or anal intercourse isn’t a big deal. If that’s not the case, and the reason for the dissatisfaction is the duration of the intercourse, then it can be considered a problem.
    I’m the curious sort, so when my partner ejaculates sooner than expected I politely ask why. I’ve found that certain types of stimulation make him orgasm faster, and that varying the speed, pressure, and area of the stimulation both makes him last longer and makes his eventual orgasm/ejaculation more pleasurable/forceful.

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