If you’re complaining that you don’t have great sex very often, you’re doing it wrong. Everyone out there, regardless of what you look like or how experienced you are, can have amazing sex any time they want. Wondering how to have great sex? It’s not rocket science, fellas.
1. Date the right people.
I’m so sick of hearing guys complain about the lack of sex…and then marrying the girl they’re dating. Things are not going to get better. Sure, your honeymoon might be fun, but if you’re only getting blow jobs on your birthday now, you’re only going to get blog jobs on your birthday for the rest of your life. And even that might stop. Are you okay with the thought that you’re probably only going to get ten or twenty more blog jobs in your life time? If that thought makes you upset, stop dating girls who are prudes in the bedroom (or guys with a low ex drive if you’re a girl) and start connecting with people with sex drives that match your own.
2. Learn to have great sex with yourself.
The biggest secret to learning how to have great sex every night is this: learn to have it with yourself. Yes, masturbation. Lots of it. It feels good, people! There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Heck, you can even throw in some awesome sex toys to make things interesting for girls, I recommend:
- Passion Bullets Duel – less than $25, and includes two bullet eggs for double the pleasure
- OhMiBod – a sex toy you can hook up to your phone, mp3 player, or anything that plays music
- Uma G-Spot Vibrator – if you really want to treat yourself
Dudes, there are sex toys out there for you too. Here are some recommendations:
- Cheeky Boy – if you’re interested in anal play
- Tenga Eggs – if you’re on a budget but like to stroke your cock
- Cobra Libre – for guys who really want to treat themselves
The point is…yes, sex with a partner is nice, but sex with yourself can be awesome too.
3. Take charge of the situation.
Guys like to complain that girls are attracted to assholes. That’s not quite true. We’re not attracted to assholes, we’re attracted to guys who aren’t afraid to be masculine and take charge around us. Most girls (read: NOT ALL) are at least a little submissive and we love the thought of the white knight rescuing us. So be that white knight. Don’t ask, “Would you like to come back to my place?” Because the answer will probably be no. Say, “Let’s go back to my place.” and watch us follow you out the door. Be confident and even a little cocky.
4. Mix it up.
Sex is boring a lot of the time because it’s the same old routine. This is especially true if you’ve been dating or married for a few years. Mix things up! Consider a light bondage kit or even something more hardcore if you’re both comfortable with it. Buy your lover some hot lingerie as a surprise. Bring some ice cubes into the bedroom. Have sex in the shower. If every night is three minutes of you flopping on top of me in missionary, things are going to be pretty boring.
5. Be naughty in public.
If you want to have great sex when you get home, be a little naughty while out to dinner, running errands, or even hanging out with friends. You want to set the tone – that you can’t wait to get home and rip her clothes off. Text naughty things to one another when in a public situation. Grab her ass when no one is watching. Brush up against her “innocently.” Great sex starts well before you take off your pants.
6. Stop going to sleep.
Lots of men don’t have great sex because they just aren’t taking initiative. I know that in past relationships, there have been plenty of times (okay every night just about) that I would have been down for some sex, but my partner rolled over and went to bed. Don’t wait for her to instigate things all the time. Take charge, even if she seems busy reading a book or sleepy snuggled up beside you. Girls like sex, and they really like when you have the balls to initiate.
7. Stop asking if I’m okay.
Yes, I’m okay. If I wasn’t okay, I would say something because I’m not brain-dead. Stop asking me. You’re killing the mood.
8. Watch more porn.
Believe it or not, porn is good for something beyond masturbation. When you watch porn, you get ideas of things you can do in bed. You can’t expect your partner to be a porn star (and you don’t want that anyway, since a lot of porn is really unrealistic), but when you see something that’s hot on camera, chances are that it’s going to be hot in real life too. So watch porn alone or with your partner and make note when something looks especially amazing.
9. Set the stage.
For girls, orgasms are as mental as they are physical. If I come home to a messy house, I’m probably going to be thinking more about all the laundry I have to do than your hard cock inside me. Set the stage a little to relax me, even before getting to foreplay. Whisper naughty things in my ear as you give me a back massage. Make sure the clothes are off the bedroom floor. Light a candle. I’m going to give you great sex if you take the time to get me in the mood.
10. Love your body.
Lastly, whether you’re male or female, you’ll have better sex if you accept and love your body. Girls are hard on themselves, but so are guys. You need to be confident in what you look like. Yes, even if you have 30 pounds to lose. Yes, even if you have a hairy ass. Yes, even if your penis is on the small side. Yes, even if you have man boobs. Whatever your perceived problem areas, remember that I wouldn’t be in bed with you if I was grossed out. I’m turned on by you…so let’s have some great sex, not get hung up on things that make us self-conscious.
The picture in this post is with permission from a great site called Kink on Demand, which I highly recommend you check out by clicking the picture or the link here.
About Rori
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com
- More Posts (548)
This is a great post, thank you for the advice! Me and my partner love using a Vibrator in the bedroom, it makes things much more exciting!
Glad you agree, Lucie! Vibrators are definitely awesome in the bedroom!!
Very true on all counts!
Totally! Thanks for stopping by, Jon