Here at Between My Sheets, one of my main missions has always been to help people feel comfortable in their own skin. When I was new to the world of D/s, I turned to the online community and blogs to help me feel less shy and more confident in my sexuality.
So, when Astroglide recently contacted me for help promoting their recent campaign, encouraging people to overcome their sexual shyness, I thought it would a great fit for this blog. Plus, there’s a giveaway, and who doesn’t love free stuff?
Astroglide actually has a “Sexual Wellness Ambassador” – Dr. Yvonne Fulbright – who has shared some of her best tips for Better Sex in 2013 by overcoming your shyness. Here are some of her best tips:
- “Determine if your issues require extra assistance. If, for example, you’re shy about sex because of religious messages you received growing up or because you were violated, then working through such issues with a certified sex therapist or counselor will do you a world of good. (You can find one in your area at: www.aasect.org.)”
This tip gets a big thumbs up from me. I grew up in a pretty religious and very conservative community, where sex was something people didn’t really talk about. The way we’re raised can make us feel like we’re alone. That’s how I felt. In my community, no one would ever admit to being into domination or submission or anything other than “missionary position for the sole sake of producing offspring” sex. I turned to blogging to work through my feelings that I was doing something wrong, but counseling can be very helpful as well.
- “Get to know yourself. It’s hard to express yourself or let a lover know your likes and what you want unless you take the time for self-exploration first. So take the time to masturbate. Experiment with different sexual enhancements. Read erotica for inspiration re: scenarios. Flirt with different ways to get turned on, to seduce, and begin the process of foreplay. You will feel more self-assured in providing instruction, even if it’s non-verbal.”
I love this advice (masturbating more DEFINITELY gets the Rori seal of approval) but I think you need to go a step further. Beyond masturbating, get to know yourself emotionally. It can be hard to admit that we want or need certain things, especially if those things might be unconventional. For example, in order for me to feel comfortable and less shy in the bedroom, I need relationship security. Otherwise, I can’t fully let go. What do you need?
- “Read quality sex manuals. Knowledge is power, w/ a number of lovers insecure about their sexual expression b/c of ignorance. So educate yourself on techniques, erogenous zones, modes of seduction… in boosting your confidence and expanding your repertoire of ideas.”
Okay, “manuals” might be a little outdated, but educating yourself is great advice. There’s a lot of pressure to perform in the bedroom. If you don’t know the basics, it’s pretty hard to be confident. However, most sex ed classes for students are focused on safe sex not in understanding sex. There’s a lot of misinformation out there too. So do your research, and when you have a question, ask!
And that is the perfect segue to tell you about the “Ask Yvonne” page on Astroglide’s website. Head there today and you can ask Dr. Yvonne Fulbright any question about sex or sexuality that might be bothering you. Asking a sexpert is a much better solution than googling your answer and relying on whatever results appear.
Ah, and about the giveaway I mentioned at the beginning of this post…Astroglide is giving away free samples on their website. Lube is great if you don’t get super wet during sex (which is possible even if you are super horny), but even if you’re sopping wet the moment your partner breathes in your direction (guilty), you’ll want to keep some lube on hand for anal sex and related activities, where lube is necessary for comfort. Being comfortable can definitely help you stop being so shy in the bedroom!
Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels a little bashful now and again! Even as comfortable as I am with Cash, I’m a naturally shy person so it isn’t always easy for me to feel at ease between the sheets. I’m most shy about…well…my body. I’ve always had body image problems and ever since I was a little girl, I’ve never been happy with how I look. So in 2013, that’s some I want to work on more. Being with Cash – someone who truly loves me no matter what – has really helped in that department already!
I realize the irony of me asking shy people to chime in with a comment…but if you feel so inclined, I’d love to hear about your experiences with shyness in the bedroom and how you’re overcoming these feelings.
This post is sponsored by Astroglide as part of their “Resolve to Overcome Your Sexual Shyness” campaign. All opinions in this post are my own.
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com