I’m mope-y about the situation with Daddy, as I’m sure you are all well aware of hearing, but that doesn’t mean I can’t flirt when incredibly sexy men cross my path, right?
The other night, I had a long conversation that turned into an almost-fight that turned into an almost-cry that just turned back into a conversation with him. About Her, I guess, a bit, but not really…more about me. My dilemma was…is…as such:
I love Daddy. I want to be with Daddy. On some level, he loves and wants to be with me. Right now, that isn’t going to happen. In the future, maybe. But not right now. He has urged me not to stop loving him, but to go out and be happy, even if it means leaving him behind, because frankly, he doesn’t like to see me so miserable. At the end of the day, he is my Daddy and wants to take care of me, and right now, to him, that means encouraging me to put myself first.
So what do I do to ensure that I’m not going regret things at a later date? My first worry is that I’ll listen to what he says, meet someone, maybe even really love the guy, and then Daddy will finally be ready to make things work. At that point, I know in my heart that my decision will always be Daddy, but I don’t want to hurt another person in the process. That’s not fair. I’m worried because Daddy knows that, and I know that even if he wanted to be together again, he would stand aside for my sake.
My other worry is that if I DON’T listen to Daddy, I’ll wait forever and he’ll never really be ready for a relationship again. I don’t want to live life and not experience love and (someday) marriage and kids because I’m waiting for someone who just feels like he’s better off alone. I would definitely regret that.
Daddy gave up his control over me when he left here after our last visit. The one thing he did ask that I freely give him is the final control to have a say over the next dom I see, should I choose to start seeing another dom romantically, sexually, or even non-physically. He wants to make sure that I’ll be ok. It’s hard but I’ve come to three conclusions:
1. I will never…well probably never, "never" is a long time…have another Daddy. Another dom, yes, hopefully, but Daddy is my Daddy. I gave him that piece of me, and it isn’t something you can take back and give to another man. At least, it isn’t for me.
2. I do want to see other people, at least casually. I love Daddy, but I’m also lonely. He knows that I’m willing to fight for him, but I don’t think I can wait for him. There’s a difference between fighting and waiting. When he wants me to fight, I’ll fight. Until them…yes, I think it is time for me to start dating, even though it hurts.
3. I’m so freaking horny.
The good news is that I’ve been chatting with this guy, we’ll call him KS for anonymity’s sake, and not only is he super cute and sweet and funny, but he didn’t run the other way when I told him that I was interested in submission, even though he has no experience with it himself. I even told him a (very) brief rundown of my situation with Daddy so as to not lead him into thinking I’m on the market for a relationship right now…and he was very cool with that.
Maybe he’s just what I need right now to cure my blues. So, I’m toying around with the idea of meeting up with him, maybe for a little NSA sex if nothing else. That sound terribly slutty of me, but give me a break. A girl’s got needs that her vibes just can’t handle. This doesn’t mean I don’t love Daddy. It just means that there’s a point where I have to take care of myself.
I know ya’ll are sick of hearing about the Daddy drama crap. I know ya’ll liked it better here when I was happy and sexually fulfilled. I’m working towards that again. I promise. 
About Rori
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com
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i like hearing about everything bc you cant have certain posts if the background isnt there yanno some might get lost i mean i like when ure happy and having fun but when ure sad and you need to vent i like that a lil more bc it shows ure human and hell u have feelings too and since this is your blog it means you can blog about what you wish not just what you think other ppl reading might want to see
xoxo
*hug*
Rori
although my situation is very different from yours I find myself in the same dilema.
It has been 9 months since I found my sweetheart, his work keeps him out of the country for months at a time, he works long hours 7 days a week (this worries me). We finally managed to spend a day together in July and although we had ageed our first time together there would be no sex we couldn’t help ourselves and booked into an hotel. I wouldn’t have cared if the sex was average because this was my sweetheart and our connection was so fantastic, but the sex was the best ever.
Since then he has become distant (not immediately)the time between contact from him getting longer. I became scared I was losing him, I did something that made him cross. Now I am left wondering do I continue to wait (I adored him before we met but from the moment we were together I was in love with him). I know he is busy, I know he will be back but what do I do in the meantime. Do I date other guys (I know he doesn’t want me to stop living). I don’t want to play an endless waiting game but if I go out with other guys I will feel bad about myself when he does finally return. It could be weeks or even months before I see him again.
keep strong Rori
aahhh, sweetie…i’ve been out of the loop, so i am glad you posted this as i might have missed what was going on..and as the Brat said..it’s *your* blog, so if it helps to sort things out by posting about them…then post away and i, for one, feel honored you chose to share your real feelings with us. i am sorry you are going thru a rough time with your Daddy…but it does sound like he has your best interest at heart and what more could you hope from him than he be honest with you about where he is, at this point in time.
i wouldn’t worry too much about the future..just do what you need to do to take care of yourself…and don’t be afraid to be true to what you need to be happy…as far as your new friend not having experience with D/s..neither did MJ when we began O/our journey…He had an alpha personality..but like most, society had given Him all the usual messages about “how a woman wants to be treated”…and the hardest thing was being honest about what i truly needed to feel fulfilled.
So have fun, explore and keep us posted!!
xoxo
~s/nik