Porn falls into three basic categories: cartoon (mostly hentai), amateur, and professional. Cartoon/hentai porn is kind of in a class itself, but amateur porn and professional porn are often pitted against one another. Which is better?

A Case for Professionally-Produced Porn

I watch a ton of porn, and most of the stuff out there is professionally produced. In other words, the models are getting paid to fuck around on camera. Now, there are some definite advantages to this type of porn:

• Usually, stars in in more than one film, so you can look up other videos they’ve been in as well when you find someone you like.
• Porn stars fuck for a living, so they’re usually pretty good at it!
• Porn girls (and guys to some extent) fit into ideals, so you can find porn based on the “type” you like (BBW, ethnic, etc.)
• Professional porn has good lighting and sound, as well as angles that allow you to see what’s going on.
• Professional porn is edited to take out the bits that are boring or awkward.

Under the heading of professional porn, there’s also “pretend amateur porn” – this is porn where the models are so-called amateurs, but the video is a lot like the other professional videos you see. Pretend amateur porn usually focuses on really young girls, the “barely legal” type—or at least young-looking, since I’ve heard that some “just turned 18″ models are actually well into their 20s.

In any case…I’m not a fan. If I want amateur models, I don’t want them to be faking it. It’s almost always really obvious.

Why Amateur Porn is My Favorite

Now, if you skip ahead to the bottom of this post, you’ll see that this is sponsored by an amateur porn site. Make no mistake about it, though, they aren’t paying me to give the thumbs up to amateur porn. I love amateurs. While I do love porn stars as well, my favorite is seeing real girls fucking their real boyfriends.

I like the flaws. It makes me feel better about my own flawed body. I like seeing the shyness and the hesitation. It makes me feel more secure in bed. I even like the weird camera angels, the conversation going on in the background, and the lower quality. It just makes it easier for me to imagine myself in the scene as well.

I love sites that have cam shows, especially free ones. I don’t mean that because I’m cheap, but free cam models, even though they are not always naked, just sometimes chatting, are 100% real. I also love sites that do photo shoots with real girls (and guys), giving them their first porn experience. The nervous giggling is always really cute.

Oh, and I LOVE reality/public stuff. Often what you see is the “fake” variety, but when you get a true amateur video, it’s golden. I guess that’s why Girls Gone Wild is still so popular after all these years!

So there you have it, my vote is for amateur porn. I love all types, but it just has a special place in my heart. What about you guys? Amateur or professional? Or are you a fan of cartoon/hentai instead? Or do you like the pretend amateur stuff? Leave a comment!

This post is sponsored by Amateur Model Site, where you can see lots of amateur models participating in hot nude photo shoots (and getting on camera too! All opinions expressed are my own.

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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Considering this is a sex blog, I’m going to assume that you have an average-to-high sex drive. Once a month probably isn’t going to do it for you. If you’re in the “high” category like me, you probably want it almost every day. Fuck, I love sex.

But not everyone is like you or me, and that’s okay too. Some people have low sex drives. I might not understand it, but I can say there’s nothing wrong with people who fall into this category.

Well, maybe there’s one thing wrong with people in the “low sex drive” category. They date people like you and me, people with high sex drives.

Recently on Mr. SexSmith’s SexIs column, Sinclair answered an email from a reader unhappy with her and her partner’s mismatched sex drives. As Sinclair wrote, this is a common problem in relationship. Too common.

I’m among the legions of people who have dated someone with an unsatisfying sex drive. It’s a shitty feeling, so if you’re going through it too, I feel for ya. Unless this is the second time it has happened to you. Or the third time. Or the fourth. Or the…

There are few things I find more annoying than people bitching about relationship problems they’ve had before. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, guys. I’m not sad that you are, for the 19th time, dating a girl who doesn’t like to give you blog jobs or only opens her legs on your birthday.

People make the mistake of thinking sex isn’t important. IT IS. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and if you think it isn’t, you’re in denial. Or possibly an idiot. You need to date someone who makes you feel fulfilled in all aspects of life, included sexually. If you don’t, you’re going to find yourself feeling self conscious, moody, and increasingly annoyed with the situation. This is NOT going to change.

The best case scenario is that you and your partner will compromise. You’ll come up with a plan so that you get enough sex to satisfy your high sex drive and your partner will not feel overwhelmed with the pressure to have sex more often than he/she finds comfortable. Adult toys and porn can help you offset the balance…but it’s really not the same if you’re craving a real life connection. Some couples settle on a polyamorous lifestyle, which can work for some people, but it’s definitely not something that most couples want to try. And yes, cheating is an option, but that’s not really a good choice for a healthy relationship.

Even if you and your partner can compromise, will either of you really be happy? I don’t believe you should have to compromise on something so important to a relationship.

So how about you STOP DATING PEOPLE WITH LOW SEX DRIVES? Seriously, the first time it happens, I totally understand, but you have to learn from your mistakes. There are girls out there who want sex as often as the stereotypical male. There are men out there who like sex less often than what is stereotypical. Find someone who is compatible with you.

That’s what I did. And god is it good.

Sex is part of love. Don’t make the mistake of thinking it isn’t.

This post is sponsored by Eden Fantasys: The Sex Shop You Can Trust and is in compliance with the FTC guidelines. All opinions expressed are my own and not representative of Eden Fantasys or any of their writers.

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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Yesterday, I hung out with a group of good friends, including a couple that has been together for a little over a year.

We had been drinking all day and decided to play Apples to Apples, which is a card game that I really enjoy. The concept of the game is a little confusing, though once you start playing, it becomes simple. Basically, as you play, you each get a turn to decide who wins the round. The key is that you pick a winner based on the cards they give you, and you don’t know which card belongs to which person.

Anyway, the couple was part of the group playing, and you could tell that she was grumpypants. She wasn’t feeling well and it had been a long day. It’s TOTALLY uncharacteristic of her to be snarky or negative at all, but she was definitely in a bad mood. To her credit, she was trying to hide it so as to not ruin the night for everyone else.

He picked up on her grumpiness, as did I (I didn’t have quite as much to drink as some of the others who were hanging out with us). He could have escalated it or ignored it…but he didn’t.

Instead, though he hid it pretty well, when it was his turn to pick a winner for the round, he picked her. In fact, the next five times it was his turn, he picked her for three or four times, feigning that he truly didn’t know which card was hers.

It wasn’t about “letting her win.” We were all just having fun, not being super competitive. It was his non-verbal way to say to her, “I can tell you’re in a crummy mood. I’m really sorry, and this is all I know how to do right now to make you feel better. I love you.”

I think that’s what true love is – small gestures that just shows the other person you care. Saying “I love you” to someone is nice and definitely necessary to keep a relationship going, but it’s the gestures that show love that are needed too. Even more importantly, I think the real test is being able to show love even when the other person is being hard to love. When I find someone who loves me like that, even when I’m sick or annoying or argumentative, that’s when I know I’ve found the guy who is right for me.

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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I just read a post on popular tech blog Gizmodo that has me enraged. Seriously, I’m a pretty laid back girl and also really busy, so you know that I’m mad when I feel so passionate about a topic that I immediately drop everything I’m doing to write about it on Between My Sheets.

Without further commentary, I invite you to go read the post in question, which is located here. I’m not going to summarize it because there is just nothing I can say that will compare to the vile this blogger is spewing forth. Come back when you’re done. I’ll wait.

Back? Yeah, let’s talk about that post. I bet you have as much to say about it as I do. Please comment and let me know what you think.

First, before I even get into the absolute filth this chick is writing about her date, I want to address this:

“Earlier this month, I came home drunk and made an OKCupid profile. What the hell, I thought. I’m busy, I’m single, and everybody’s doing it. Sure, I’d heard some stories, but what was the worst that could happen?”

Dude, no you didn’t. That’s what everyone say because they’re slightly embarrassed to say that they’re giving online dating a try. “Haha, I was drunk! I would never resort to online dating when I’m sober!” Get a grip. Your decision to join OKCupid was the same reason any of us join it – we’re lonely and curious about who could be out there. Stop blaming that omg-super-awesome pink fruit-tini you had with your omg-super-awesome girlfriends while out at da club for your dating decisions.

Now that I have that off my chest, let’s just call a spade a spade. Or, as would be more appropriate, let’s just call a cunt a cunt. Alyssa Bereznak is a cunt.

Let me start by pointing out that she’s a writer for Gizmodo (a tech gadget blog) ranting about how horrible it is that she went out on a date with a nerd. Seriously? Pot? Kettle?

But I’ll by-pass the part where she essentially makes fun of the fact that her date, Jon, is a nerd. He totally is. I don’t even think he would deny that. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, so if you want to laugh at someone who has a passion about something in life, go right ahead. Free speech laws mean that you get to call him a nerd and I get to call you a cunt.

But then I read this:

“I later found out that Jon infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates with at least two other people I sort of know, including one of my co-workers. Mothers, warn your daughters!”

This makes it sound like Jon is sneaky and dishonest. What, because he didn’t list in his OKCupid profile that he has an interest in Magic: The Gathering? Seriously, get a grip. This guy did absolutely nothing wrong, based on your account of the date. Someone who is a football player can date someone who doesn’t love football because he has outside interests. Someone who loves slasher films can date someone who refuses to watch anything other than romantic comedies because has outside interests. Someone who loves geeky card games can date a girl who can “barely play Solitaire” because he has outside interests. You admit within your own post that you had “normal” conversations at the start of the date and online started talking about Magic at all because you mentioned that your brother is a gamer. In fact, you went out with him a second time. What is wrong with you? If playing Magic is honestly a deal-breaker for you, don’t go out with the guy again in order to gain fodder for a mean-spirited blog post you’re going to write.

“Maybe I’m shallow for not being able to see past Jon’s world title. I’ll own that. But there’s a larger point here: that judging people on shallow stuff is human nature…”

No, judging people on shallow stuff is your nature, Alyssa. Don’t try to lump the rest of us into your fucked up way of thinking.

Here’s the thing: When it comes to dating, we all have non-negotiable. I won’t date a guy old enough to be my father, even if he is otherwise perfect for me. I have a friend who won’t date a guy who is shorter than she is. You won’t date a guy who is into Magic. There’s nothing wrong with that, inherently. But that’s not judging other people. That’s judging yourself, admitting what you need in a relationship. The judgmental part is when you get online and rant about the other person like there’s something wrong with them. On a blog whose main audience is made up of nerds.

Seriously, I have no idea why the powers that be at Gizmodo would ever allow you to publish a post that attacks someone who is just like their target reader. That’s an argument for another day, though.

Next time, try being a fucking decent human being. For example, simply say, “Thank you for the dates, but I’m looking for someone who shares more of the same interests I do.” Hell, even write a blog post about the importance of finding out if you share interests before you go on a date.

That wasn’t what you wrote, even if you’re trying really hard to make it seem that way. Why didn’t you write that? Because the lack of common interests wasn’t the problem, was it? Because you don’t even know if you share interests. You found out about one of his interests and freaked out like he told you he likes to eat babies in his free time. You decided that you were better than him. Your post is about the important of finding out whether or not you’re better than the other person before you go on a date.

The answer is no, you are not. You think you are, but it is Jon who dodged the bullet here, not you. I don’t know Jon. I don’t even play Magic. But what I know is this: he took you out (twice!), even though he knew you didn’t play Magic because he knows there are more important things in life than a geeky card game. He was willing to get to know what makes you tick beyond what he could find with a silly Google search.

It wasn’t a match. No big deal. He moved on. You turned into a virtual bully. And someone has to stand up to you and say, “No, that’s not right.” I’m happy to be that person. Just because you’re hiding behind a computer screen doesn’t mean it is okay to be a jerk. Free speech might mean that you can voice your opinion online no matter how horrible it is, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t stand up and say that I wish bloggers online daters girls like you didn’t exist. Because I wish people like you didn’t exist. You give the rest of us a bad name.

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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Something cute I came across in my online travels:

The words are too small/blurry to read, so I’m not sure exactly why she’s getting spanked, but it has something to do with not serving him the best coffee, I believe. Whatever it is, the ad seems to imply that it would be a bad thing if the husbands finds out. I have to admit, I might let him find out on purpose if the picture is the result!

Is the ad sexist? Maybe. But some of us girls would love nothing more than a traditional 1950s household.

(I have no idea how to credit this since it is an ad…so if you own this picture, please let me know and I’m happy to give you credit!)

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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I’ve used dating sites on and off for a few years. Okay, several years. I think I create my first profile in…2004? 2005 maybe? When I have a boyfriend, I obviously take my profiles down, so I haven’t had a membership for 7 years straight, but I’m not new to using dating sites to find potential relationships. I’ve had some success, some failure.

My sites of choice are OKCupid (becuase it’s free but not overrun with FWB requests like some other free sites) and CollarMe (because it’s kinky in addition to being free). I try to answer every email, but that just doesn’t happen. I suspect a lot of people feel the same way – great intentions of answering all emails, even if it is to say no thanks, but find themselves avoiding answering a lot of the emails they get. So here are some tips for those of you sending emails: this is why I (and other other girls) might not answer you:

• All you say is “What’s up?”

Seriously, I don’t know what to say in return. “Nothing.” ? That’s a great conversation. Emails are not IMs. Say something more than just hello if you want to hear back from me. I don’t have time to tell 100 guys a day that nothing is up.

• Your profile is empty.

I don’t want to waste my time emailing someone who isn’t right for me. Please post at least one picture and a little information about yourself before you message me. If you don’t, make sure your email is long and detailed so I know whether or not I’m interestsed.

• Your profile sounds jaded, bitter, or antagonistic.

I get it. You’ve been hurt in the past. You’re not interested in bitches. You don’t care what other people think about you. But dude? It’s not cool to pontificate about how you “don’t give a fuck.” You just sound like an ass and it doesn’t tell me anything about you. It certainly doesn’t make you unique in some way. It just makes me think that you don’t have tact in social settings.

• You haven’t read my profile.

I’m not a hard ass on this. If you ask me what I do for a living even though it is clearly stated in my profile, I’m not going to flip out. Like me, you probably read a lot of profiles and just forgot as you were emailing me. But at least try to reference something in my profile to show that you’ve read it. I didn’t write it for my benefit.

• You try to change my mind.

There are certain things that are non-negotiable for me. For example, I’m not interested in dating someone who is already in a relationship (even an open relationship). I appreciate your life decisions, but if your email is trying to get me to bend my own rules because you’re so awesome, I’m probably going to ignore it. I don’t have many “non-negotiable” things on my wish list. Please respect the few that are important to me.

• You don’t ask any questions or say anything interesting.

It’s fine to talk about yourself – I want to know about you. But I get really boring emails all the time that are basically just “this is what I’m looking for and I think you’re it.” Um…okay? Thanks? I don’t know what to say to that. The easiest way to get me to reply is to ask a few questions.

• You’re too short for me.
  

It pains me to say it, but yes, sometimes I don’t reply to someone because they’re just too short for me. I’m a tall girl. If you’re 5’2″ it would be weird to date you, but I feel odd sending an email that says that. You don’t have to be taller than me, but it has to at least not be super weird. There are lots of cool short girls to email – try one of them!

• You’re rude.

This one is for the CM crowd. Just because I’m a sub doesn’t mean that you you call me a bitch, make demands, or otherwise be rude to me. I’m a sub, but I’m not your sub. And with that attitude, I never will be.

Do you do any online dating? What’s your best tip for people who email you?

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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I’d like to preface this post by saying that I know a lot of people here may not degree. Feel free to leave a comment – I post them all, as long as they’re respectful, even if you don’t agree with me!

Today, I read an article on CNN about now Nepal’s census this year would be recognizing a third gender. The LGBT community is celebrating on the streets of course, but I have to wonder this: Why?

Perhaps I have a limited view on the matter, since I’m not in the LGBT category, but as a sub, I certainly understand discrimination, especially as it pertains to sexuality. Let me explain to you how I see things, though.

I could be wrong, but every census-like form I’ve ever filled out asked for sex, not gender. To me, sex is what is between your legs, what your DNA says, apart from how you feel in the inside. If you’re pre-op, perhaps there’s an argument for marking female when you still have a penis or male when you still have a vagina, but again, to me, sex is all about whether you pee sitting down or standing up. In fact, that’s one of the main arguments for filling out the form correctly – they sometimes help determine things like how many public bathrooms to install. You are born physically male or physically female. That’s not discrimination. That’s fact.*

Gender, in my opinion, is how you feel on the inside. Some of us are lucky enough to lead lives where we feel like the inside matches the outside. I say “lucky” not because there’s something wrong with you if you don’t, but only because it must be incredibly hard to deal with your feelings, especially as a child, if your inside and outside doesn’t match given today’s culture around the world, not just in Nepal. I’ve seen friends struggle with it, and I don’t wish that on anyone.

When it comes to sexuality, I think you can be attracted to both sex and gender, and the two might not match up. I personally am attracted to someone who is physically male. What can I say, I like a nice cock. I’m also attracted to someone who’s stereotypically male in terms of inward feelings – I like dating guys who are rugged, dominant, etc. I’ve met females who have these characteristics, and while that does slightly attract me, the no penis thing is a deal breaker. Likewise, I’ve met males who have the penis, but are submissive, and while I might be attracted physically, I have no connection mentally. For me, it takes both things. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to a specific sex or a specific gender. You might like submissive, straight men or butch lesbians or people with blue eyes or people with nice feet or whatever. Attraction is attraction – you can’t change your gut (or rather, below-the-belt) reaction to other people.

Anyway, this brings me back to my original question – why? What is the need for a third gender category? Because really, I don’t feel like the government (or anyone controlling a census) needs to know how you feel on the inside. Your sex, the actual dangly or not-so-dangly parts between your legs…that might make sense to know so they can provide the right services (like public bathrooms or OBGYN services) in the right amounts in every community, but beyond that, why is the relevant? Be who you want to be. Some kind of third gender just seems like a category made to appease people who are vocal for gay rights, even though it doesn’t actually do anything for gay rights.

Instead of some kind of silly third gender, I’d like to see the whole gender/sex thing gone altogether. If they need to collect data to ensure they provide the right services, they can flat-out ask that (for example, “Do you use OBGYN services in your community?”). Otherwise, it shouldn’t matter. We’re just creating more difficult-to-understand labels for ourselves.

So that’s my opinion. I don’t get it, I don’t like it, and I don’t apologize for that. I think there are a lot of cool things going on right now in the LGBT community for gay rights. This is not one of them.

*Yes, a very small percentage are not born male or female (physically), but this is a rare medical condition that occurs when you have a genetic problem. If anything, I could support that as a third gender before the category as it stands now.

Related Articles:

• If You’re not a Man and not a Woman, Perhaps you are Nepalese (queerty.com)
• “Parents keep child’s gender under wraps (methodius.blogspot.com)
• The straightjacket of gender (aworldoflies.wordpress.com)

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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Apparently, if you write erotica, you’re incapable of also being a teacher?

A series of racy romance novels by an author named Judy Mays are a little too racy for some parents in our area, especially now that they have discovered the woman known as Judy Mays is teaching their children. (read more)

In case you didn’t click through to read the rest of the story, here’s the gist: Judy is a high school teacher who writes “erotic romance novels” in her free time. She didn’t bring them to school, talk about them at school, or even make it public knowledge at all. She wrote under a pen name and was only “caught” because her author website has a P.O. box in her hometown as a way of contacting her and she was on a video on YouTube talking about her books.

If you want to get really riled up, check out what some of the parents are saying in this video.

Yeah, they accused her of being a pedophile in a round-about way. What?!?!

They are teaching their children that sexuality is shameful, and that, to me, is scary. It’s that kind of parent that ends up with pregnant teens because they are never taught anything about using condoms and exploring sexuality safely – they are taught that abstinence is the only answer (and we all know how well that works).

I rarely write about news-related topics here, but this really makes me sick to my stomach. From all the comments I’ve seen from former students on the various news pieces, she is a damn fine teacher. If she’s not allowed to continue teaching, I hope she sues the pants off the school board and everyone involved.

My blood is seriously boiling right now.

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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The other day, I wrote a post called Breast Worship about how MM wants a nice rack more than he wants a nice behind. I noted that in my experiences, most people seem to appreciate asses more than tits, so he was in the minority. But maybe I’m wrong? It got me wondering, what’s better – tits or ass? Obviously, the perfect girl would be attractive (in your eyes, whatever that means) in both areas – but if you had to pick just one, gun to your head, which would it be?

Vote by leaving a comment!

(Oh, and you don’t have to be a straight male to comment. As long at you appreciate the female body, your vote counts!)

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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I have a confession. I love finger fucking. Love. We’re talking love it to the point where I’d rather be finger fucked than have sex a god 50% of the time. Because you know what? Even if the guy has no idea what he’s doing, it still feels amazing. I’ve never, not once, had a bad experience with someone fingering me.

I remember the first time I fingered myself as a teen. I remember the first time a guy fingered me. I remember some awesome fingering experiences.

I love the D/s element of it too. I love that a guy is prodding me, exploring me. I love it especially when I’m cuffed or tied to the bed and the guy I’m with can do with me what he wants. It’s humiliating and hot at the same time. I love it.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been with a guy who liked eating pussy. So I don’ t have much experience with that. But really…it’s just not my thing. And I have been with guys who are good at it, even though I have limited experience with it. I would just much rather be fingered. Much rather.

I want to here from you all – which would you rather: Finger fucking or oral? (or, if you’re a guy, hand job or oral – though I guess that’s not really the same thing!) Leave a comment!

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

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