If You Liked It Then You Shoulda Put a Cock Ring On It
Have you ever been in the middle of having sex and thought (about yourself or a lover), “Gee, I wish we could do something about that dick.” Yeah me neither, but I have wished that the experience would have lasted longer or that the starring erection was a tad bit stronger. Well, now we can all enjoy the perks of a perfect penis, and it doesn’t involve using the dreaded 3 P’s: Pills, Potions and Pumps.
Cock rings are the latest and greatest thing to hit the sex toy market since silicone. They’re relatively cheap, exceptionally durable, and kind of cute if you get the right one. Unfortunately for you, though, cock rings have actually been around for a really long time. It’s just that you’ve been living under a rock.
In the event that you’ve been up here on land with the rest of us and just haven’t had the guts to try one of these bad boys out yet, let me tell you one thing before I go any further: You honestly don’t know what you’re missing here. Do you think the sex toy manufacturers would keep churning cock rings out if they weren’t amazing? Don’t you want to know what all the fuss is about? I know I did, and I’m glad curiosity didn’t kill the cat on this one.
Cock rings have revolutionized the quality and duration of the human sexual experience, and they’ve done so by being little more than a snug fit. Safe, effective and non-invasive, good cock rings make naughty time a lot more fun and interesting without requiring special tools or skills. So, if you thought those pair of old Nikes felt like a dream, just wait. Cock rings may wrap around your penis, but they hug your heart when you’re least expecting it.
And perhaps your problem is not with knowledge or motivation but is instead due to the overwhelming variety on today’s sex toy stage. The struggle is real. At any given time, the average consumer can hop online and be force-fed cock rings like they’re in prison camp. Meanwhile, the selection is confusing and the prices aren’t low enough for risk-taking. I mean, I haven’t seen this many cock rings in one place since that one St. Patrick’s Day party I went to in college, but I digress.
Nobody said it would be easy to find the perfect cock ring, but nothing worth doing is ever easy. Well, expect masturbating or having sex with an awesome toy. There’s always an exception to the rule, which is yet another reason why this search of yours can be tricky. Lucky for you, I’m here with this handy-dandy guide to give you a few pointers along the way. Take a deep breath and go to your happy place.
Why a Cock Ring Though?
Straight up, if you have to ask why a cock ring is a worthy purchase then you most definitely need an explanation. Simply going about your life like these things don’t exist is a huge mistake. And the issue isn’t whether or not you currently have satisfying sex. The issue is whether or not you’re prepared to never have sex the same way again. You may think I’m being facetious, but I’m not.
Like the all-stars they are, cock rings bring a lot to the playing field. Many modern-day models are not only extremely attractive but they’re also jam packed with features that would blow your mind. The industry keeps coming up with new stuff too. With everything from multi-function vibrations and remote controls to Bluetooth compatibility and perineum stimulators, there’s literally a cock ring for every swinging dick on the planet at this point.
So, if you take the time to hunt down and buy the right cock ring, I guarantee you won’t be disappointed. I can’t say the same thing if you just go out and buy the first thing you find. This takes doing homework and school is in session. But it’s not so bad; your teacher is hot and you’re all being graded on a curve.
Take this guide seriously and you can expect to experience many (if not all) of the following 5 benefits when you buy and use a well-made cock ring:
Help with achieving a sturdy, long-lasting erection
The renewed ability to maintain erections, even after ejaculation
Simultaneous pleasure enhancements for both the wearer and the receiver
Better ejaculation control
Safe and customizable BDSM sessions
By the way, unlike other sex toys cock rings provide pleasure to both parties without requiring a solo action that hijacks the genitals. Completely hands-free and fun for both sexes, these rings of fire are not only ideal for sexual experimentation newbies but also for old pros who have been around the block a few times. So, instead of using a manual or automatic male masturbator to improve stamina or induce orgasm, use a cock ring and free up your penis for more important things . . . like having some outstanding natural sex with your partner while enjoying the sensations a toy at the same time. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a kick-ass harmony to me – BONER Thugs and Harmony. Ok, sorry about that.
The point I’m making is that a high-quality cock ring can make such a huge difference in the way you have sex and the way you experience orgasm. Full disclosure: Those perineum ticklers alone are enough to look into cock rings, my friend. Not only do PTs gently pave the road to prostate play but they also intensify ejaculation and provide bonus sensations to the receiver. It doesn’t get any better than that.
The best part about cock rings is that they’re relatively inexpensive, at least when compared to other sex toys that claim to please both people at the same time. With those products, regardless of how amazing they are, you still end up having sex with a machine. Cock rings keep it real and that’s why I think every person, whether in a relationship or not, should own one. And yes, I’m talking to the girls too. You ladies never know when you’ll need to whip out the good stuff for a sweet surprise. Stay prepared.
And while you’re at it, be sure to learn how to tell the difference between your run-of-the-mill cock ring and your Cadillac cock ring. The two may look eerily similar but that’s not always the case. I have a two-dollar bottle of knock-off Calvin Klein that’s supposed to smell like the real thing, but I still feel like a dirty loser when I’m wearing it. Don’t let that happen to you. These marketers are savage.
The Top 3 Ways to Tell If That Cock Ring Is Worth It or Not
Convinced that cock rings are a wise investment? Good. Scared to death about wasting your hard-earned money on a piece of crap? Not good. It’s never smart to shop with your heart, so let’s learn how to shop with your brain, shall we? And (clears throat), I’m talking about the brain on top of your body, just so no one’s confused.
And while you’re here using up all that awesome noggin juice, why not consider a few things about yourself before you lay down that cold, hard cash in your pocket? After all, nobody’s going to show up to stop you when you’re about to click “buy” on the wrong product. You’ll be forced to learn the hard way, and I don’t wish that on my worst enemy. It’s high time you had the tools to fend for yourself in this overgrown jungle we call the sex toy industry.
As such, the following are things I think you should at least consider before going shopping for your first (or next) cock ring:
Skin Type – Not the most exciting thing to think about when you’ve got bells on, but still massively important. Because this cock ring is going to be wrapped around someone’s dick, it’s crucial that you know what materials irritate you or your lover’s pretty penile complexion. It’s also vital to know if either one of you has skin sensitivities or allergies, as some of the cock rings on the market today are made with materials that could potentially trigger a reaction.
Penis Size – Most cock rings are flexible, but the degree at which they can stretch varies widely, even among products from the same brand. And while the average cock ring’s un-stretched circumference is usually between one and two inches, that’s not always the case. Consider the size of you and/or your partner’s privates or you’ll both be sorry. Remember, cock rings are supposed to restrict blood flow to the penis, not cut it off completely.
Desired Features – Knowing what you’re looking for before you go searching for it is wise, brothers and sisters. So, are you looking for a vibrating cock ring? Perhaps a remote controlled one is more up your alley. And maybe you have no damn clue what kind of device you want, you just know you want something that will feel good. Well, think about what feels good to you and then try to find a cock ring with features that provide those favored sensations of yours. It’s really that simple, you guys.
Lube Selection – Do you have a specific type of lube you like to use with your favorite sex toys? Will that be the lubricant you pick out when it’s time to play with your new cock ring? If so, is that lube compatible with the toy? Are you sure? We’ll cover more on that topic in just a minute, but you may want to get your lubrication game on point before you proceed. Personally, I like having a water-based, oil-based, and silicone-based lube on hand at all times just in case I start to feel adventurous. It’s better to be safe than sorry, trust me.
Maintenance/Lifestyle – Your lifestyle should be a primary consideration when buying a cock ring, especially in terms of your sexual habits. Being prepared for what it takes to properly use and maintain your new toy is important. In other words, buying a cock ring that’s out of your league just because it looks good is a rookie move. Play smart, ladies and gentlemen.
The Budget – Last but never least, consider how much dough you have to spread around for a cock ring. Also note that cock ring prices are wildly variant, meaning I couldn’t give an average if I tried. Another thing to think about is the fact that cock ring ownership is not without its monetary ups and downs. The cost of lube, the price of maintenance, it’s all got to come from your pocket. Either be stingy (which is fine) or be relaxed with your cash, it’s none of my business. I’m just saying create a budget now because it’s about to get crazy up in here.
TIP: The price of any cock ring is going to depend heavily on whether it features a vibrating motor or not. In general, vibrating cock rings are far more expensive than yor basic stretchy loop. How fancy are you trying to get?
Now that we’ve gone over all the boring stuff, it’s time to get down to the brass taxes. Knowing how to distinguish between a really nice cock ring and an imposter product is one of the most crucial parts of this entire shindig. Never forget that modern-day sex toy manufacturers often go out of their way to sell you a product that they know damn well is a hunk of junk. I’ve fallen for it, you’ve fallen for it, the whole world has fallen for. We’ve become a society that’s constantly the victim of clever advertising, and it’s now the job of the frugal to provide realistic road maps that cut right through all that BS. I hope I’ve done a good job so far.
Either way, the following are the top 3 things you can look at to tell whether or not that cock ring you’re considering is worth digging into your stash for:
Today’s cock rings come in such a wide variety of materials that it’s difficult to cover them all here. Each material will have its own unique properties – benefits and drawbacks – and they’ll all react to lubrication, toy cleaner and skin types differently. This is where things get serious, because cheap, thin or hastily slapped together materials are almost always indicative of a shoddy product that will disappoint. So, while you can’t always touch or try out a cock ring before you buy it to make sure the material is good, you can look for safe and durable things like medical-grade or skin-safe silicone, stainless steel, rubber or latex (as long as nobody has an allergy). Just be sure to stay away from anything made with phthalates. You don’t want to know why.
The entire purpose of a cock ring is this: To fit around the base of your shaft and squeeze it firmly yet gently in order to restrict its blood flow and provide the user with all the subsequent benefits. The purpose of having a flexible cock ring, however, is only to ensure a good and comfortable fit for some men, but not all cock rings are stretchy. Silicone models are flexible enough to be ideal for those who want a little movement in that area or who need the ring to just go with the “ebb and flow” so-to-speak. Stainless steel models, on the other hand, are not flexible whatsoever and so they must be purchased with extreme care, and with an insane amount of knowledge about the penis it’s being fitted for. One wrong move there and it’s lights out at the pants party. Don’t make me tell you guys twice.
There aren’t enough words to describe all the possible feature combinations available on modern-day cock rings. Gone are the days of simply wrapping a rubber band around your junk, and thank God for that. The flip side is that now we have so many bells and whistles to choose from that picking the perfect cock ring seems nearly impossible. Keep in mind that a good cock ring isn’t necessarily the one with the most features. Vibrating rings are awesome, but a basic model can do the trick just as well if you know how to wield your sword with skill. If you’re new to this, start simple and work you way up from there. If you’re an old pro, why not try something new?
Remember, for each of the cock rings you’re looking at, be sure to carefully check the materials list. Study the flexibility thereof and compare it to your comfort level, and then sort through features of each option like your time and money matter, because they do. This doesn’t have to be a complete pain in the rear (unless you get a huge butt plug and use it at the same time). In fact, cock ring shopping is meant to be fun, it’s just that most people have no idea where to start.
The Three Kings: My Favorite Cock Rings
I’ve taken the liberty of coming up with the cream of the cock ring crop (say that five times fast). Here are the top three models, in my humble opinion:
BEST OVERALL: The LELO Tor
Ah, the LELO brand. Probably one of my favorites, especially for vibrating sex toys. Their best and brightest cock ring, the Tor, provides insane sensations to both partners with 6 distinct stimulation modes. Plus, it’s 100% waterproof and has a rechargeable battery that runs the powerful integrated motor that can be turned up, down, on or off with the touch of a button.
PRO: It’s an amazing option for couples who want to spice it up with a little innocuous variety.
CON: This one’s battery life isn’t the greatest, so after a while it just turns into a regular ole cock ring.
BEST FOR COUPLES: The SVAKOM Tyler
Advanced as it’s marketed to be, the SVAKOM Tyler cock ring is surprisingly easy to use and even more enjoyable to experience. Super intense and made with five vibrating modes and five vibration speeds for a whopping 25 possible combinations, this hairbrush-looking model is rechargeable with a simple USB cord and is made from skin-safe silicone. It’s also waterproof, which means you and your partner can vibe out together in the shower. The additional stimulation pad is nothing to scoff at either, making this cock ring one of my favorite ones, hands-down.
PRO: The clitoral stimulation is on par with a separate female vibrator, which is something unheard of in the cock ring arena.
CON: The ring itself may not be big or flexible enough for all users.
BEST FOR BEGINNERS: The Big O
Ideal for newbies (and experts too) the Big O is not only one of the most comfortable cock rings on the planet but it’s also soft and flexible enough to suffice nearly any size penis. With plenty of optional vibes to stimulate the clit or perineum of your partner, this thing even comes with a free battery just in case you’re unprepared. And while it’s not rechargeable, it is waterproof and it is effective. Furthermore, it’s one of the more affordable models on my list, so at least there’s that.
PRO: It’s like the goldilocks of cock rings, and it’s able to grow with you as you become more accustomed to using these things.
CON: It’s not as high-tech as some, plus the material gets kind of slippery with a lot of lube on it.
The End Game
I like to remind people that nothing on today’s sex toy market is without flaw. Even if that fault isn’t in the design, the user himself may have qualms with a cock ring for personal reasons. The key is to make sure all the features come together to provide you and your partner(s) with a satisfying sexual experience (hopefully more than once). If that calls for a 5-speed, medical-grade silicone cock ring with a clitoral stimulator and touch-sensitive controls, then so be it. What happens in your pants stays in the bedroom. Vegas Rule Book: Volume One, Chapter 17, Section seven, paragraph four.