BMS Buyer’s Guide

The Prettiest Little Pocket Pussy

Buying your very first pocket pussy is exciting. It’s a lot like picking out your next boyfriend or girlfriend, only you don’t have to spend any money on dinner and nobody wants to cuddle when you’re done. It’s like having the best of both worlds, but only if you buy a pocket pussy worth having. Therein lies the problem though.

I took a good, hard look at the modern-day sex toy industry and I was appalled by what I saw. Not only is there a gaggle of options now available at our fumbling fingertips, but it also seems like there’s been a clandestine infiltration of low-quality crap where only impressive products once stood. As my perfect pocket pussy finally came into come into view, I realized how difficult it must be for the average person to navigate through this maze. My heart began to break for all the men out there who will never experience what a good pocket pussy can offer.

But since you’re here reading this buyer’s guide, you most likely won’t be one of those poor men. Consider yourself lucky that I went through the fire ahead of time, having been victim to some of the worst shit imaginable in the name of convincing advertisements. Everything is marketed as “amazing” or “luxurious,” but they can’t all be that awesome. I’m here to tell you that there’s a surefire way to cut through the riffraff and find what you came here for.

Before we get into all that, let’s go over a few important things first. It’s important to be as thorough as possible, especially when the quality of your life and the dividends in your bank account are involved. For good measure, take a look at these five factors that I believe any sex toy shopper needs to consider before ever even thinking about buying a pocket pussy:

The Size of Your Penis

Not all pocket pussies are created equally, and they’re not all the same size either. That rule applied to the human penis too. So, while you may have been able to cram your can into some pretty tight holes up until this point, it makes no sense to buy a pocket pussy that’s not a good fit. After all, this thing will be going everywhere with you (most likely), especially since they’re designed specifically for discreet travel.

TIP: Measure the length and circumference of your penis when it is fully erect.

Your Skin Type

Did you know that certain sex toy materials can behave and/or react to skin types differently? For example, a pocket pussy made out of or with latex can cause an allergic reaction on the skin of those who have a sensitivity to that material. Unfortunately, such reactions can be caused by a whole host of materials, meaning you never know what you’re getting into unless you’ve taken the time to familiarize yourself with your own body.

TIP: Have an allergy test performed long before you start searching for synthetic sex toys.

Your Lifestyle and Sex Life

Honestly, how often do you think you’ll be using this new pocket pussy of yours? I learned the hard way that some pocket pussies are disposable, designed to be thrown away after only a few uses. So, while that might deter some of you from purchasing an expensive model, I urge everyone to think about this: A man who masturbates a lot will go through several disposable pocket pussies in a short time, but a higher-quality model will last a lot longer.

TIP: Start with a low-to-mid-range pocket pussy and work your way up.

Your Bank Account

Because pocket pussies aren’t always cheap, it’s important to think about how much cheddar you have to spread around before ever hitting up the first website or store. Today’s sex toys are better than ever, made with high-end materials and with high-tech features that make yesterday’s pocket pussy pale in comparison. If you’re out here trying to find a pocket pussy for a few bucks, it’s possible, but you won’t be doing yourself any favors.

TIP: Make your budget somewhat flexible just in case you run into any pleasant surprises.

Your Responsibility Level

Being dirty in the wrong way is no fun for anybody. And the more stuff you have in life the more stuff you have to do to maintain it. Remember, a pocket pussy is made to accept repetitive liquid deliveries. Unless you know how and are willing to properly clean your toy after each use, the quality of whatever you choose won’t matter one bit. Over time, that precious pocket pussy you purchased will be reduced to little more than a bacteria-laden booby trap. I don’t wish that on my worst enemy.

TIP: Read the care instructions from each manufacturer, have your toy cleaning game on point ahead of time, and look for waterproof toys to make all this easier.

Now, I tell you all this because I know something that many consumers do not: That the sex toy industry uses clever marketing schemes to get horny, unsuspecting people like you and me to buy junk. I’m trying to make the buck stop here, boys and girls. If you skip through these lessons because you think the information is unimportant, you’re on your own.

Why A Pocket Pussy Though?

Ah, the pocket pussy. It’s been a loyal companion to horny and sexually unsatisfied men since the dawn of its inception just a few short decades ago. Although sometimes viewed as only a slight step up from your brother’s old tube sock masturbator, high-quality pocket pussies have the ability to combine extreme pleasure with the type of secretive perversion we all want in our lives. The good ones are well-made and well-placed in the hands of the right horny man, mostly because this particular grouping of sex toys is among the most convenient thus far.

Hand-held and un-heavy, these lightweight personal companions are designed to fit in the palm of your hand and the pocket of your jeans. Slim and slinky, these toys are made to stimulate the shaft of the penis by using a wide variety of features such as specified canal ergonomics, highly detailed sleeve texturizing, and hyper-realistic material construction – each of which can be created in a range of different combinations, thereby making the world of pocket pussies one of the most customizable in all the land.

In fact, the right pocket pussy (when used as intended, of course) can accomplish many, if not all, of the following:

Epic Self-Pleasure
Masturbation will never be the same after you use a good pocket pussy. If you think that hand or homemade fifi feels good, just wait. And even if you currently use a high-end male masturbator, the ease and convenience of a pocket pussy is second to none.

Partner Priming
Nothing gets you or your lover ready for a performance like a high-quality sex toy used at precisely the right moment. Whether you’re getting prepared for natural, oral or anal sex, pocket pussies can help prime the penis before it’s called action.

Erectile Dysfunction Fighting
If you happen to be one of those men who has trouble getting it up, a highly texturized pocket pussy can help get your penis up and running before the big game. When used in conjunction with (oh, I don’t know) a cock ring, for instance, men can achieve that coveted rock-hard erection in no time.

Stamina Training
It’s hard to keep going sex feels amazing, but that’s what pocket pussies are good for. Allow your toy to tickle and tease that first nut out of your system so you can go longer when it matters most.

Long-Distance Relationship Supporting
Nobody likes a cheater. Use a pocket pussy to remain faithful or to engage in some long-distance love-making using all the high-tech stuff at your fingertips: Bluetooth connections, virtual reality, live and pre-recorded porn videos, etc.

Safe Experimentation
In it just to win it? That’s no problem either. I find that a good pocket pussy is the ideal tool for men who want to work on their moves or find their rhythm without bursting too soon or pissing off their lover. In other words, pocket pussies are the peacemaker.

“Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.” – Karl Kraus

So, once you’re convinced that pocket pussies are a worthy investment in your sex life (assuming you didn’t think that when we began), seek out only the best quality models on the market. Do this to save yourself the headache that I and so many men have endured for the sake of knowledge. The only way to do that is to know what you’re supposed to be looking for. And the only way to know what to look for is to follow my simple guide below.

Here are the five things you should look at or consider when examining that pocket pussy you like:

We already covered this a little bit earlier, but the importance of size cannot be overstated when you’re talking about sex toys and body parts. As such, always check that the pocket pussy in your shopping cart can accommodate your penis. Be sure to look at both the insertable length and the circumference/diameter of the orifice and canal, as those two measurements will likely determine whether you can even use the toy at all, much less derive any pleasure from it.

There is no “average size” for the pocket pussy, as they’re all different inside and out. Still, science tells us that there’s an “average size” for the human penis. Do you know where you fit in? Yes, many pocket pussies stretch to accommodate a wide range of dicks, but is that the kind of gambling you want to engage in right now? I mean, some of these toys cost a lot of money. You’re a brave SOB.

We went over this one too, but we didn’t discuss all the different materials you’ll come in contact with while shopping for a pocket pussy. Like every other sex toy in the world, good pocket pussies are made under strict production standards using high-quality, skin-safe materials. Such high-end materials typically include things like silicone, TPE, polycarbonate, latex, rubber, and organic molding clay just to name a few. And in a seeming effort to make things even more complicated, new materials are being introduced all the time.

Here, I’ll save you a few steps:

  • Latex is bad if you or your partner have known or unknown skin sensitivities. However, latex works well with both oil-based and silicone-based lubes.
  • Silicone is best for those with known allergies or who prefer to use water-based lube.
  • Silicone pocket pussies tend to feel smoother and last longer but they don’t fare well when used with silicone-based lubricants.
  • Flexible materials may sometimes contain phthalates which are linked to numerous health problems. Stay away from that stuff at all costs, even if it means spending a few extra bucks.
  • Other, unknown materials such as polycarbonate and/or TPE are generally considered safe and may cost a bit less than latex or silicone models.

In any event, most pocket pussies can be used with a condom unless otherwise stated by the manufacturer. Like I said, know your skin type and formulate a budget so you know where to look. Otherwise, you could end up with something that irritates your skin and sizzles when you put lube on it. Not good.

Perhaps the most enjoyable part of shopping for any sex toy is going over all the fun an exciting features it has. Each year, however, the list of possibilities gets much longer. Unfortunately, that also makes the average shopper’s job a lot harder. So, while your ideal pocket pussy’s desired features may be subjective, those same features are often a good indication of the toy’s overall quality.

Pocket pussies are designed to offer sexual pleasure to the penis while being super compact, lightweight and easy to use. The only way any model can pull all that off is by having adequately loud bells and whistles that work together in harmony. To find a favorably flamboyant pocket pussy of your own, look for the following features:

  • An insanely hot internal texture and/or a ribbed and realistic canal shape (The options here are virtually endless.)
  • An adequate insertable length (I’d say go for something that measures between 6 and 9 inches if you have a regular-sized penis.)
  • A hyper-realistic orifice (opening) that closely resembles an actual pussy (Hint: Some are molded after famous porn stars.)
  • An ergonomic casing or grip for better control (This is an especially important feature for those who have manual mobility problems.)
  • A protective cap for the top (Used most commonly by the higher-end, luxury manufacturers.)
  • Temperature responsive and/or skin-like materials (Many of the materials used these days either feel like straight-up skin or straight-up shit, there’s really no in-between.)

By the way, some pocket pussies might even have an optional bullet vibrator hole or an integrated motor too, but then you start getting into the whole manual/automatic male masturbator arena and things can get tricky. Stick to the basics for now until you know how your dick will react. If you play your cards right, this pocket pussy you’re about to buy should be enough.

They say looks aren’t everything. But if looks could kill, then some of these pocket pussies out here would be cold-blooded murderers. So, while appearance might not be important to everybody, it’s certainly a crucial consideration when shopping for pocket pussies. I mean, you want your new toy to actually resemble a human vagina, don’t you? That’s what I thought.

In today’s world, you usually get what you pay for. However, a product’s price isn’t always synonymous with its quality. I’ve encountered some extremely inexpensive models that felt fantastic, and I’ve also encountered high-priced pieces of crap too. Don’t be the kind of consumer who assumes that the most expensive pocket pussy is the best one. It simply doesn’t work that way.

You’ll find some amazing pocket pussies from brands you hardly even know, so keep your eyes and mind open at all times. As long as all the features are there and the materials are good, a good time can be had when you show up prepared. Remember, playing with a pocket pussy is like riding a bike; it takes a lot of practice on a well-fitted frame to get anywhere substantial. Peddle on, my wayward son, and don’t forget to look for warranties, product samples, freebies, and discount codes along the way.

The Three Kings(+1): My Favorite Pocket Pussies

Now that you know what you want and what to look for in a good pocket pussy, this next part aught to set you on the path to pleasure. Below are my top three pocket pussy picks, brought to you with each and every factor discussed above taken into careful consideration.


I’ve always been a fan of the TENGA brand, but when I discovered their Black Flip Hole, I about lost my mind. It has all the super discreet looks you want while featuring all the hyper-realistic sensations you need. It’s sleek and sexy, it offers 6 ½ inches for insertion, and it even has buttons on the side that help you control the amount of pressure inside the canal which is, by the way, highly texturized. And according to its manufacturer, this thing can even be used without an erection due to its innovative open-ended/hinged design.

PRO: This thing is at the forefront of manual masturbation and will be the grand-dad of all future pocket pussies.
CON: It could be outside the budget for some people, although it comes with a quality guarantee.

MOST INTENSE: The Fleshlight STU (Stamina Training Unit)

While it may not be ideal for everyday use without running the risk of dick desensitization, the famous Fleshlight brand has done it again with their Stamina Training Unit – a handheld synthetic vagina that has already gone down in history as the most intense manual pleasure device on the market. It offers plenty of headspace, has a superb internal texture, features customizable parts and can be used in conjunction with the Fleshlight Launch mobile.

PRO: It’s guaranteed to make you cum within a few minutes of insertion and is backed by the brand’s quality guarantee.
CON: It’s rather bulky for some and sort of heavy for others. Time to pump some iron, guys.

MOST DISCREET: The Zhang Xiao Yu

With such a peculiar name you’d think the sensations provided by this little number would be a mystery, but the Zhang Xiao Yu pocket pussy is a well-known sex toy with a rather large following. A cult classic among masturbation enthusiasts, this pretty pussy features one of the most realistic orifices known to man – one molded after Zhang Xiao Yu herself. Plus, it uses double-layer technology, can be taken into the bath or shower, and is super easy to clean.

PRO: Made completely from pliable, non-reactive materials, this thing can be easily stored and taken with you anywhere without triggering TSA.
CON: It only offers about 5 ½ inches of insertable length, so it might not be ideal for men with long penises or for those who don’t get off with corona stimulation.

And just in case the models I mentioned above don’t quite do it for you, here’s an equally awesome pocket pussy that just barely missed the list:


This precious pussy is all-around good catch, just like that last girlfriend you let get away. It has all the features you’d want in a pocket rocket, including a super soft “g-spot” inside the already realistic and superbly detailed canal (which opens up to an orifice that’s not perfect but still realistic enough for most). It offers 6 full inches of insertable length, has an optional vibe pocket and uses industry-leading ergonomics on the outside for a better handle on things.

PRO: It fits the bill while still having everything you need to bust off a righteous one.
CON: It’s not nearly as durable as the others on this list, plus it’s insertable length isn’t that impressive when compared to other models on this list.

The End Game

If, by now, you don’t understand how well-made pocket pussies are such a viable product with a long future in our society, then you haven’t been listening. Good pocket pussies can revolutionize a man’s sex life, offering him more options than he may have ever thought possible. They’re ideal for secretive self-pleasure, combating erectile dysfunction and safe sexual experimentation while also bring good at promoting a better connection in long-distance relationships and providing a tool for pleasant partner preparation. It’s impossible to say why every man on the planet doesn’t have one, but with the way things are going that’s probably not too far ahead.

And while no product is perfect, what matters most is that all its features work in tandem to create a pleasurable experience for you and/or your partner (hopefully more than once). If that takes a futuristic fake pussy with manual pressure controls and a internal canal with more bumps and bulges than bubble wrap, then so be it. At the end of the day, your dick knows exactly what it wants. Don’t let anybody talk you into thinking with the wrong head.