Is it just me, or has adult online dating really been on the rise over the past few years? It’s no secret that Cash and I met online, and we both dated online often before meeting one another. Recently, though, I’ve been seeing more and more sites dedicated to “adult dating” – i.e. dating with a sexual overtone.
And I love it.
Dating, whether you do it online or off, needs to be about setting and understanding expectations, and while most people don’t hesitate to take about career goals, family, and hobbies, sexual expectations are a little more difficult to bring up…so most people just don’t. And that is a bad thing. Do you really want to get months into a relationship before you figure out that she doesn’t like blow jobs or he thinks your kinky desires are weird?
Adult dating sites give you an easy way to set those expectations, at least for people who are looking for physical relationships.
If you’re expecting a one night stand, you can say that. If you’re looking for a long-term friends-with-benefits relationship, you can say that. If you’re super kinky but also want to fall in love and have lots of babies, you can say that too! Adult dating sites give you permission to discuss sex the same way you would discuss other parts of your life, because sex is as important as talking about the fact that you enjoy surfing or collecting baseball cards.
If you want to make the most of your time on any adult dating site, you need to be as clear as possible about your expectations. Here are a few tips:
- State your intentions up front. Don’t make me read to the end of your profile to find out that you’re only interested in a certain body type or that you want a relationship, not just sex.
- Be specific. It wastes my time if your profile is empty or really vague and I message you only to find out that I’m not what you want. Give me details.
- Don’t message people with different expectations. The person who wants a one night stand is not instantly going to want a relationship, no matter how good you are in bed.
- Don’t lead me on. If I message you but don’t fit what you’re looking for, tell me that upfront and I’ll be on my way. Do not pretend to be interested because you’re worried about my feelings (and don’t be rude – just because I’m not your type doesn’t mean that you should be a jerk to me).
- Be bold. On an adult dating site, it’s okay to talk about the fact that you’re into spanking or that you are interested in potential threesomes. Now is not the time to be shy.
- Be prepared to follow through. If you say you want a one-night stand, be ready to come over tonight. If you say you’re interested in a relationship, be ready to go out on dates (without sex afterward). Whatever you write in your profile, be prepared to back it up.
- Talk about the stuff you think doesn’t matter. On adult dating sites, people are often so concerned with the main attraction that they forget to talk about the little stuff that also matters. Who is bringing the condoms? Is the sex to be followed by a sleep over or a walk of shame and drive home? What are your sexual boundaries?
Lastly, remember the most important point: Be honest with yourself. When you’re setting your expectations on an adult dating site, don’t say that you’re looking for some non-exclusive fun if what your heart really wants is a long-term relationship. Do a little soul-searching and make sure that your own expectations are aligned with what you you’re writing on your profile. That way, you won’t regret any connections you make or dates you go on.
What’s your best advice or tip about adult dating? Leave a comment below!
Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com