So yesterday, I posted “Men Plan, God Laughs” about how my plans to see the new guy got cancelled and how sad I was about that.

Then, things happened. And he texted me. And we were able to hang out after all.

It was a CRAZY night. Crazy good and crazy bad. I don’t even know where to begin.

We had a silly bet on a sports game that I lost, and as per the bet, I showed up wearing my thigh-length trench coat…and nothing else. Despite all the crappiness going on in life for him right now, it definitely put a smile on his face! And mine too, because it wasn’t long before he was balls deep in me. Mmmm…

And then, we decided to play cards, but with a truth or dare spin. Whoever won the hand of blackjack got to ask the other “Truth or dare?” and hilarity ensued. Of course, all the truth questions revolved around sex. Most of the dares did too. It was really hot, and we were having an amazing time. The alcohol was flowing, the sex was good, and the “truths” were actually helping us get to know a lot about one another.

Until someone called the cops on us for fucking outside on one of the dares. Eek.

Y’all don’t know this about me, but I’m a SUPER good girl. Like, trouble with the authorities makes me want to vomit. I would never normally do something that could get me in trouble with the police! But we had been drinking and horny and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought the area was secluded enough that we wouldn’t be seen, but apparently we were. To that person’s credit, it probably looked REALLY bad, like he was raping me, because it was a dark parking lot and he was spanking me/pulling my hair.

We were inside by the time the cops got there, but it was still super scary. I just about had a panic attack. He was scared about it too, because we definitely didn’t want trouble with the cops. We were just having a little fun! They eventually went away, but what a totally crappy way to end the night. He wrapped his arms around me, telling me it would be okay, and we fell asleep that way, which was nice….but still, it left a really bad taste in both of out mouths.

Things were weird this morning. We had some words via text and email after I left. Not fighting really, but we definitely weren’t happy with one another and he took some things I said the complete wrong way. I’m not sure where things will go from here. Before all the crap with the police, I was having a FANTASTIC time and so was he. I’m angry the night ended the way it did.

Looking back on it, it makes a hot story, that we fucked in public and the police came after us. I don’t regret doing it, because it was really exciting. But I do hope that we can clear the air and see one another again.

Sigh.

UPDATE: I think I’ve been freaking out about this more than necessary. We talked about things a little and I think it will be okay. I think we’re both people who believe that life is too short to be upset with people.

…And just like that, my plans for a lovely dinner with the new guy tonight have been ripped away. I won’t go into details here, but I will say that this was 100% out of his control and out of mine as well. Dear readers, don’t blame him. I know you have all been a bit skeptical and he’s made mistakes in the past, but this time, things are out of his control.

I might not see him again for a long time. When he does get back to town, I don’t know if he’ll remember me or be brave enough to call me.

I hate feeling helpless against a bad situation. People who know me know that I can’t stand to hear about problems without trying to come up with solutions. This time, there is no solution. I might not see him again for a long time, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. The outcome of the situation is left to fate, to God, to chance, to whatever you believe in.

Men plan and God laughs. Maybe life will surprise me again and this situation will resolve itself without issue and things will go on as planned tomorrow night instead, just a day late. Maybe.

I’m not sure I have it in me anymore to hope for something that seems unlikely.

Today…I am sad. Perhaps that’s selfish, but it’s honest. I’m sad because I wanted so very badly to be happy with him.

Today is “Cyber Monday” for shoppers, a day when online retailers offer discounts to encourage spending before Christmas. It’s the virtual Black Friday. But every time someone talks about Cyber Monday, I have to suppress giggles, because in my neck of the woulds “cybering” has nothing to do with shopping.

I’m talking about cyber sex, which is a much better way to spend your day than shopping, in my opinion! Back in college, I was the queen of cyber sex. I loved it. Cybering was actually the first time I felt sexy, the first time I had sexual confidence. I’ve always had poor body image, so the idea that I could turn on a guy from behind the safety of a screen was super empowering. This was before webcams were super popular, so it was easy to remain completely anonymous.

To this day, I still find cyber sex fun. Even if you have a partner, you can still have fun cybering. The next time they’re away on vacation, set up your laptops and have a little fun. Or, send some spicy emails to them while you’re on lunch break at work (it’s the next best thing to cybering). So, let  me offer up a few tips for great cyber sex:

Tip #1: Read erotica.

Cybering is kind of like writing erotica in real time. It follows that the more erotica you read, the better you’ll be at writing it. There’s an entire section of erotica here on Between My Sheets and if you’re on my mailing list (see the sidebar), you’ll get tips on where to find HOT erotica not just on this site, but on sex blogs around the web. Read and make mental notes about what turns you on and what turns you off. Use some of the same techniques when cybering.

Tip #2: Stay away from really clinical terms or goofy phrases.

Nothing kills cybering faster than awkward phrases and words. No girl wants to read that you want to “touch her labia and insert your penis into her vagina” and no guy wants to read about you licking his “large manhood.” Think of cybering like dirty talk. If it would sound unsexy to say, don’t type it either. Stick to dirtier words like “cock” and “pussy” and remember: you aren’t writing to win a Pulitzer here. Don’t worry about repeating yourself, using clever phrasing, etc. Just get steamy with your partner.

Tip #3: Get the timing down.

It’s hard to type with one hand, and if you go back and forth between masturbating and typing, your keyboard isn’t going to be very sanitary. Ew. So get the timing down with your partner. I like to spend time carrying the conversation, while my partner gives one-handed responses (like “mmmmm” and “oh yeah”) and has a little fun. Then, switch and allow your partner to do some typing while you play.

Tip #4: Don’t play too coy.

If you’re seeking out cyber sex with a stranger, don’t pretend that you’re looking for PG-rated conversation. It will waste your time. If the other person is down, they’re down, and you can start the sexy-talking…errr…typing. If they aren’t, you can say good night and move on. You don’t have to open a conversation with “hey, want to cyber?” but if that’s your ultimate goal, start adding the flirting and sexiness to the conversation soon after you start chatting to see if the other person responds or not. Romantic and friendly conversations certainly have their place and time, but if you’re looking to cyber, be straightforward about it.

Tip #5: Say thank you.

There’s certain etiquette after a one-night stand even if you both know it’s a one night stand. You tell one another it was fantastic. You ask how they’re doing. You snuggle a little, even if you don’t stay the night. Cybering is the same way. Don’t get off and then immediate say, “Well…bye!” and log off. Take a few minutes afterward to talk to the person, saying thank you before you leave. And definitely don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep. Only add someone to your friends list if you intend to cyber again. If you’re not into it, tell them the next time they message you; don’t just ignore them. In other words, don’t be a jerk just because you aren’t face-to-face with someone.

Okay, it’s your turn! Leave a comment with your best cyber sex tips for this Cyber Monday (and beyond)!

I’ve always liked the proverb, “The night is always darkest before the dawn.” It rose to popularity when The Dark Knight was released a few years ago, since one of the characters in that Batman movie says it, but I’ve always connected to the notion that you have to go through a lot of shit and just when things seem horrible and hopeless, dawn breaks. Things get better.

For the last few months, I’ve been flustered about a guy who came into my life back in September. I haven’t connected, really connected, with anyone for a long time. Nobody in that special way since D, really. Yes, there have been some flings, and my relationship with V about two years ago was nice, but feeling all giddy and romantic and jump-out-of-my-skin excited is something I haven’t experienced in quite a long time.

And unlike with D, things with this new guy seemed…easy. Like, our lives matched up. We seem to want the same things, we live near one another, and so forth. I’ve done so many “uphill battle” relationships in my life that it was refreshing to think something could be so easy.

Nothing is ever easy!

You’ve already hard me spout about how dating makes me crazy and how I was worried and blah blah blah. Things went south fast, not because we were a bad fit, but just because life happens. And I found myself at this crossroads.

Do I wait around and see what happens? Or do I move on, counting this as something I can’t allow to be a roadblock in life?

Path A with all it’s snarls and problems? Or Path B with all it’s sadness and regret?

I felt  like a god damn cartoon character standing at a fork in the road and trying to decide which way to do? And you know what I did? I gave it all the middle finger and just sat down. Yep, right there in the middle of the road, blocking the intersection with my fat ass. Let the cars go around me, go ahead and speed off to your next destination. I need a moment to think.

It was a great decision. Had I gone into full-on “stand by your man” mode, I probably would have been super depressed about things. He needs support with the things he’s going through in his life right now, but that support is sometimes in the form of alone time, and I have a hard time with that. He told me that he needs to straighten out his own life before he can possible be a good friend, let alone a potential boyfriend or dom. I can respect that.

But going down that second path would have been unwise as well. It’s not really fair to other guys I meet. Any dom…and partner….deserves the full attention of his sub. I wouldn’t want to hurt someone else because I’m still thinking about a guy in my recent past, a guy who could pop back into the picture in the near future. And it might have meant that any potential with him would have been lost.

It felt like a dark place, a place of indecision and frustration, but it was just the dark portion of the night. I think I see the sun beginning to rise over there on the horizon.

I’m cautious, more than I was when I met him. I’m very easily shy the second time around. But he’s made his apologies, we’ve talked about where things can go from here, and we’ve made some plans. I’m a big fan of second chances. I’m seeing him on Monday. And I think things are going to be okay, perhaps even wonderful. I’m excited to find out.

I just wanted to take a moment to express how sad I am to hear about the passing of Athus Nadorian, one of the masterminds behind Bad Dragon, a small company that makes really awesome sex toys like the one pictured at right.

I’m late to the game to expressing my condolences. Athus (who’s real name was Brian Dyer), was involved in a fatal car accident on October 11, 2011. He was only 29 years old. You can see the website in his honor here.

I only recently became aware of this company – actually, I saw someone reviewing their toys as I was looking at nominations for the 2011 Top Sex Bloggers List. Bad Dragon’s tagline is “making fantasies real” – and they certainly do! Their sex toys are fashioned to look like the naughty bits of dragons, beasts, and other mythical creatures. When I decided to look up more info about the company, I read about about his passing and just wanted to take a moment to write about how sad I am to hear about his death.

Athus was an incredible artist, and although Bad Dragon wasn’t yet well known in the sex toy industry, I think this company will only continue to grow. That’s in part thanks to Athus and his incredible design talent. Their toys are totally innovative and cool, and we need more awesome ideas of that not just in the sex toy industry, but in the entire world.