I just read a post on popular tech blog Gizmodo that has me enraged. Seriously, I’m a pretty laid back girl and also really busy, so you know that I’m mad when I feel so passionate about a topic that I immediately drop everything I’m doing to write about it on Between My Sheets.

Without further commentary, I invite you to go read the post in question, which is located here. I’m not going to summarize it because there is just nothing I can say that will compare to the vile this blogger is spewing forth. Come back when you’re done. I’ll wait.

Back? Yeah, let’s talk about that post. I bet you have as much to say about it as I do. Please comment and let me know what you think.

First, before I even get into the absolute filth this chick is writing about her date, I want to address this:

“Earlier this month, I came home drunk and made an OKCupid profile. What the hell, I thought. I’m busy, I’m single, and everybody’s doing it. Sure, I’d heard some stories, but what was the worst that could happen?”

Dude, no you didn’t. That’s what everyone say because they’re slightly embarrassed to say that they’re giving online dating a try. “Haha, I was drunk! I would never resort to online dating when I’m sober!” Get a grip. Your decision to join OKCupid was the same reason any of us join it – we’re lonely and curious about who could be out there. Stop blaming that omg-super-awesome pink fruit-tini you had with your omg-super-awesome girlfriends while out at da club for your dating decisions.

Now that I have that off my chest, let’s just call a spade a spade. Or, as would be more appropriate, let’s just call a cunt a cunt. Alyssa Bereznak is a cunt.

Let me start by pointing out that she’s a writer for Gizmodo (a tech gadget blog) ranting about how horrible it is that she went out on a date with a nerd. Seriously? Pot? Kettle?

But I’ll by-pass the part where she essentially makes fun of the fact that her date, Jon, is a nerd. He totally is. I don’t even think he would deny that. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, so if you want to laugh at someone who has a passion about something in life, go right ahead. Free speech laws mean that you get to call him a nerd and I get to call you a cunt.

But then I read this:

“I later found out that Jon infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates with at least two other people I sort of know, including one of my co-workers. Mothers, warn your daughters!”

This makes it sound like Jon is sneaky and dishonest. What, because he didn’t list in his OKCupid profile that he has an interest in Magic: The Gathering? Seriously, get a grip. This guy did absolutely nothing wrong, based on your account of the date. Someone who is a football player can date someone who doesn’t love football because he has outside interests. Someone who loves slasher films can date someone who refuses to watch anything other than romantic comedies because has outside interests. Someone who loves geeky card games can date a girl who can “barely play Solitaire” because he has outside interests. You admit within your own post that you had “normal” conversations at the start of the date and online started talking about Magic at all because you mentioned that your brother is a gamer. In fact, you went out with him a second time. What is wrong with you? If playing Magic is honestly a deal-breaker for you, don’t go out with the guy again in order to gain fodder for a mean-spirited blog post you’re going to write.

“Maybe I’m shallow for not being able to see past Jon’s world title. I’ll own that. But there’s a larger point here: that judging people on shallow stuff is human nature…”

No, judging people on shallow stuff is your nature, Alyssa. Don’t try to lump the rest of us into your fucked up way of thinking.

Here’s the thing: When it comes to dating, we all have non-negotiable. I won’t date a guy old enough to be my father, even if he is otherwise perfect for me. I have a friend who won’t date a guy who is shorter than she is. You won’t date a guy who is into Magic. There’s nothing wrong with that, inherently. But that’s not judging other people. That’s judging yourself, admitting what you need in a relationship. The judgmental part is when you get online and rant about the other person like there’s something wrong with them. On a blog whose main audience is made up of nerds.

Seriously, I have no idea why the powers that be at Gizmodo would ever allow you to publish a post that attacks someone who is just like their target reader. That’s an argument for another day, though.

Next time, try being a fucking decent human being. For example, simply say, “Thank you for the dates, but I’m looking for someone who shares more of the same interests I do.” Hell, even write a blog post about the importance of finding out if you share interests before you go on a date.

That wasn’t what you wrote, even if you’re trying really hard to make it seem that way. Why didn’t you write that? Because the lack of common interests wasn’t the problem, was it? Because you don’t even know if you share interests. You found out about one of his interests and freaked out like he told you he likes to eat babies in his free time. You decided that you were better than him. Your post is about the important of finding out whether or not you’re better than the other person before you go on a date.

The answer is no, you are not. You think you are, but it is Jon who dodged the bullet here, not you. I don’t know Jon. I don’t even play Magic. But what I know is this: he took you out (twice!), even though he knew you didn’t play Magic because he knows there are more important things in life than a geeky card game. He was willing to get to know what makes you tick beyond what he could find with a silly Google search.

It wasn’t a match. No big deal. He moved on. You turned into a virtual bully. And someone has to stand up to you and say, “No, that’s not right.” I’m happy to be that person. Just because you’re hiding behind a computer screen doesn’t mean it is okay to be a jerk. Free speech might mean that you can voice your opinion online no matter how horrible it is, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t stand up and say that I wish bloggers online daters girls like you didn’t exist. Because I wish people like you didn’t exist. You give the rest of us a bad name.

Last night, I had an amazing first date. We met on Collar Me, so I know he’s a dom, but he treated me like a princess for the evening. Yes, a dom can be a gentleman!

It was definitely a departure from the few dates I’d been on earlier in August with another dom I met on Collar Me. He was very….dom-y. But not in a good way. Basically, the first date was less than romantic and by the second date, it was pretty apparent that I was just a booty call for him. There was no spark there. He just wanted blowjobs. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m just not into it.

The problem with booty calls in not the booty calling itself but the lack of communication about it. I’m pretty intuitive, but it I wasn’t, i could have really gotten hurt with blowjob guy. Guys really hurt girls when they just want sex but the girl thinks they are interested in a relationship. The opposite is true too – lots of girls really hurt guys.

I think I’ve gotten pretty good at understanding someone’s attentions. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt if you figure out someone wants sex and you want a relationship…but knowing the signs can help you from getting destroyed by it after months of devoting yourself to someone who is just stringing you along. Here are the 10 signs that you’re just a booty call.

1. You spend more time in bed than out and about.

A man (or woman – anything here can be for either sex, so let’s just say “man” from now on) who wants a relationship might fuck you hard several times a day…but he wants to take you out too. Do your dates consist of dinner and sex or do they consist of sex and sex? If he doesn’t have a lot of money, he may not take you out as often, but he should still want to do things like cook dinner together or even just watch a movie together. The point it, sex should be just a part of your relationship. If that’s the only part that he cares about, you’re probably not relationship material in his mind.

2. He doesn’t kiss you.

Kissing is a really intimate, romantic thing to do, and someone who’s just interested in sex is a little uncomfortable with it. Now, a friend with benefit will definitely kiss you (in most cases), because the friendship makes things comfortable. Both the Student and the Prince didn’t shy away from kissing me. But someone who is only interested in a booty call, not FWB or a relationship will consider kissing too…much.

3. You haven’t met his friends.

A guy who wants a relationship will introduce you to his friends. Some guys really need their friends’ opinions, but any guy who really wants to date you wants to show you off a bit. If you’ve been seeing one another for several months and haven’t met any of his friends, you’re probably not his idea of a good girlfriend.

4. You haven’t met his family.

Okay, occasionally you could be missing the family connection for other reasons. Maybe he had a falling out with his parents and doesn’t speak to them often. Or maybe they live far away so he barely sees them, let alone introduces girls to them. But in general, most people have at least one member of the family that is important to them – a sibling, a cousin, a grandparent, whatever. Meeting this person is like an ultimate test in his mind – even guys who don’t need the approval of others want their family to like the person they’re dating. If he doesn’t want to introduce you, even after several months of seeing one another, he probably doesn’t give a shit if they like you or not because he knows you’re not a long-term girl.

5. You don’t spend holidays together.

If you’re someone he wants in his life as a girlfriend, he’ll want to spend holidays together. Okay, maybe not right away – if you just meet in mid-December, don’t expect an invite for Christmas at his grandmother’s house. But if you don’t have any kind of holiday celebration together with an exchange of presents, even small ones, you’re probably just a booty call. And no, oral sex doesn’t count as a holiday gift.

6. He never stays afterward.

Some guys who just want a booty call relationship are happy to pass out beside you and split in the morning just because it’s easier, so be careful with this tip. If he never stays, though, that’s a sure sign that you’re just a booty call. He can give whatever excuses he wants – he doesn’t sleep well when it’s not his own bed, he has to work in the morning, blah blah blah. A guy who really likes you will want to spend every last second he can with you. He might not logistically be able to stay every single night, but if he never wants to stay and snuggle up, he’s probably not that into you.

7. You don’t get yours.

Booty call men are more about their pleasure than yours. Some are obsessed with the sounds and feelings of making a woman reach orgasm, so you might be cumming just as often as he is…but that isn’t the same as really “getting yours.” He’s still doing it because it turns him on. If he’s not into your pleasure for the sake of your pleasure, you’re just a booty call.

8. Your relationship is on his schedule.

In any relationship, you have to work around life responsibilities. But do you find yourself waiting for him to be in the mood? Guys who are only interested in you as a booty call don’t care if you want to mess around or not. Your feelings, even horny feelings, aren’t a priority for him. You shouldn’t be sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. It should be a give and take relationship.

9. He doesn’t talk to you about his problems.

A relationship is all about finding that person you can share everything with. A booty call…is not. When he’s having a bad day and calls you, does he want to talk about his problems to feel better? Or does he just want to relieve stress with sex? Some guys like to talk about their problems more than others, but someone who wants a relationship will always open up to you (over time), at least a little.

10. Every conversation revolves around sex.

Lastly, when you speak on the phone or text, what topics do you cover? Do you talk about your friends or work? Your family? Your hobbies? With a booty call guy, he’ll swing every relationship around to talk about sex. Don’t get me wrong, talking about sex is awesome and I give those conversations a total thumbs up. But if that’s all you have in common, that’s a sure sign that there’s never going to be a real relationship. At least, not a good one.

I’ve been silent about my recent dating shenanigans here, but that hasn’t mean I haven’t been going out at all. Mostly, I’ve been online dating. It’s hard to meet people around here otherwise. Hell, I think it’s hard to meet people anywhere you live, especially if you work from home like me.

I did, however, go out with a friend on Friday and flirted a little. Or rather, was flirted with. One guy was almost 50. No thanks. The other…had a pocket protector. We were like, seriously? He was cute enough, though I think at that point in the night, my judgment was a little drunk.

Anyway, as far as online dating goes…well I’ve been on two dates with a dom who is very nice, very into spanking, and very…not for me. He kind of seems like he’s most interested in me as a blowjob machine. Meh. I need to be romanced a little or, as the the Prince so aptly puts it, “A gentleman always finger blasts you before leaving.”

Exactly. Exactly.

So yeah, there won’t be a third date. But that’s okay…I’ve been talking to another guy who seems much more into getting to know me, not just my throat. It seems promising at least. We have a lot in common, and he’s definitely someone who has his shit together (owns a house, has a good job, good relationship with his family, etc). He asked me out and although we haven’t yet set a time, I did say yes. So that’s promising.

I feel bad about it, but anyone I go out with is in competition with the Prince. See, while I know I can’t date the Prince, the sex was really good and if I date someone new, it means that I can’t have a sex vacation at the Prince’s house in a few months. So it has to be worth it.

But you know, that kind of makes sense. I don’t want to jump into dating someone just for the sake of dating someone, and having the Prince as the reigning “to beat” in my mind helps me make sure that doesn’t happen.

Okay, let me be honest with you all. I’m jealous and possibly slightly resentful of anyone out there who owns a LELO, kind of the same way we all scoff at people who drive past in luxury cars. LELO toys are hot. Hot. I don’t have to own one to tell y’all how high-quality they are.

So after saying all that, I hope you guys understand why I wanted to share this press release. I don’t normally post this kind of thing because it would take over my website to talk about every new toy that launches…but this new line from LELO is cool. I mean, really cool. Check it out:

LELO ANNOUNCES WORLD’S FIRST SENSEMOTION™ COUPLES’ MASSAGERS
A REVOLUTIONARY DEVELOPMENT FOR THE INTIMATE LIFESTYLE MARKET

STOCKHOLM/ SWEDEN: Swedish designer brand LELO has announced the launch date of September 15 for their ground-breaking SenseMotion™ couples’ massagers. Boasting motion-sensor technology more familiar to smartphones and the latest video game consoles, this is the first time vibrations in remote-controlled massagers can be changed via movements alone.

WHAT IS SENSEMOTION™ TECHNOLOGY?

SenseMotion™ offers an unprecedented way to interact with personal massagers, as users tilt, shake or turn the wireless controller to vary vibration patterns as freely as they choose. The result is a completely new kind of sensual experience, where the massagers respond instantly to changing movements of the controller.

As another unique feature, synchronized vibrations are shared between the wireless controller and the couples’ massager, allowing the person holding the controller to feel the vibrations their partner is experiencing, up to a range of 12 meters or 39 feet.

LELO USA Sales Manager Donna Faro said: “LELO is already the global leader in the intimate lifestyle market, and once again no other company offers comparable products to the new SenseMotion™ Insignia™. Here the LELO designers have done something truly unique. You now have the potential to control the sensations you and a partner are experiencing by simply moving a controller from the palm of your hand. I cannot wait to see the new products showcased on the retail floor.”

Finish the press release? Awesome, right??? LELO is totally not paying me to say this, by the way. Anyway, I like the potential this kind of toy has, especially for a D/s couple. I’m a fan of anything remote-controlled, and 39 feet is crazy range.

So yeah. September 15. Mark it on the calendar and start saving your pennies now, folks!

Something cute I came across in my online travels:

The words are too small/blurry to read, so I’m not sure exactly why she’s getting spanked, but it has something to do with not serving him the best coffee, I believe. Whatever it is, the ad seems to imply that it would be a bad thing if the husbands finds out. I have to admit, I might let him find out on purpose if the picture is the result!

Is the ad sexist? Maybe. But some of us girls would love nothing more than a traditional 1950s household.

(I have no idea how to credit this since it is an ad…so if you own this picture, please let me know and I’m happy to give you credit!)