I’d like to preface this post by saying that I know a lot of people here may not degree. Feel free to leave a comment – I post them all, as long as they’re respectful, even if you don’t agree with me!

Today, I read an article on CNN about now Nepal’s census this year would be recognizing a third gender. The LGBT community is celebrating on the streets of course, but I have to wonder this: Why?

Perhaps I have a limited view on the matter, since I’m not in the LGBT category, but as a sub, I certainly understand discrimination, especially as it pertains to sexuality. Let me explain to you how I see things, though.

I could be wrong, but every census-like form I’ve ever filled out asked for sex, not gender. To me, sex is what is between your legs, what your DNA says, apart from how you feel in the inside. If you’re pre-op, perhaps there’s an argument for marking female when you still have a penis or male when you still have a vagina, but again, to me, sex is all about whether you pee sitting down or standing up. In fact, that’s one of the main arguments for filling out the form correctly – they sometimes help determine things like how many public bathrooms to install. You are born physically male or physically female. That’s not discrimination. That’s fact.*

Gender, in my opinion, is how you feel on the inside. Some of us are lucky enough to lead lives where we feel like the inside matches the outside. I say “lucky” not because there’s something wrong with you if you don’t, but only because it must be incredibly hard to deal with your feelings, especially as a child, if your inside and outside doesn’t match given today’s culture around the world, not just in Nepal. I’ve seen friends struggle with it, and I don’t wish that on anyone.

When it comes to sexuality, I think you can be attracted to both sex and gender, and the two might not match up. I personally am attracted to someone who is physically male. What can I say, I like a nice cock. I’m also attracted to someone who’s stereotypically male in terms of inward feelings – I like dating guys who are rugged, dominant, etc. I’ve met females who have these characteristics, and while that does slightly attract me, the no penis thing is a deal breaker. Likewise, I’ve met males who have the penis, but are submissive, and while I might be attracted physically, I have no connection mentally. For me, it takes both things. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to a specific sex or a specific gender. You might like submissive, straight men or butch lesbians or people with blue eyes or people with nice feet or whatever. Attraction is attraction – you can’t change your gut (or rather, below-the-belt) reaction to other people.

Anyway, this brings me back to my original question – why? What is the need for a third gender category? Because really, I don’t feel like the government (or anyone controlling a census) needs to know how you feel on the inside. Your sex, the actual dangly or not-so-dangly parts between your legs…that might make sense to know so they can provide the right services (like public bathrooms or OBGYN services) in the right amounts in every community, but beyond that, why is the relevant? Be who you want to be. Some kind of third gender just seems like a category made to appease people who are vocal for gay rights, even though it doesn’t actually do anything for gay rights.

Instead of some kind of silly third gender, I’d like to see the whole gender/sex thing gone altogether. If they need to collect data to ensure they provide the right services, they can flat-out ask that (for example, “Do you use OBGYN services in your community?”). Otherwise, it shouldn’t matter. We’re just creating more difficult-to-understand labels for ourselves.

So that’s my opinion. I don’t get it, I don’t like it, and I don’t apologize for that. I think there are a lot of cool things going on right now in the LGBT community for gay rights. This is not one of them.

*Yes, a very small percentage are not born male or female (physically), but this is a rare medical condition that occurs when you have a genetic problem. If anything, I could support that as a third gender before the category as it stands now.

Related Articles:

• If You’re not a Man and not a Woman, Perhaps you are Nepalese (queerty.com)
• “Parents keep child’s gender under wraps (methodius.blogspot.com)
• The straightjacket of gender (aworldoflies.wordpress.com)

He slipped behind me, wrapping an arm around me and covering my mouth. “Hush, babygirl. Don’t make a sound.” I felt his cock, already growing, pressing into my back. He forced my legs open, but it wasn’t his hot, throbbing that I felt in me. This was a cool, rigid feeling, hard – harder than any cock could every be. He sunk it deep into me, and it was all I could do to keep from moaning…

When Eden Fantasys offered to send me a toy to review, I didn’t hesitate to ask for something glass. As some of you may know, I was never a huge fan of dildos – at least, not until I tried the Icicles Turquoise Twister last winter. This has quickly become a go-to toy for me, which I never thought I’d say of something that doesn’t vibrate or otherwise move. The glass is an amazing sensation, though, so I was ecstatic when Eden Fantasys agreed to send another glass dildo. This time around, I got to try Icicles No. 18, a double-ended dildo that offers two different ends for the lucky girl who gets to use it.

About the Product:

Like other Icicles products, the Icicles No. 18 dildo is hand-blown Pyrex glass. It’s just under 8 inches long, with one end featuring a nubbed shaft with head and the other end having two bulbs. It curves slightly, and since it is glass, you can heat or cool it to provide additional sensations.

Pros:

This toy comes in super nice packaging (check out the picture), so even though I usually toss the boxes, I’m keeping this one for storage. It’s a really gorgeous toy in general; I love the flower. I also love the glass material – just like the other glass dildo I tried, I think the cool sensation feels great. The fact that there are two different ends is also great – I have multiple play options. The end that looks more like a penis is definitely my favorite. It hits my g-spot perfectly.

If you’ve never owned a glass toy before, another advantage that you’ll find is that they are extremely easy to clean. Plastic sex toys can attract dust and hair, and you have to be careful to use the right type of cleaner with the right material. Glass can simply be rinsed with hot water, boiled, or even run through the dishwasher. Just make sure to empty it before the kids get home and are looking for clean drinking glasses!

Cons:

Although I really like this toy, I don’t like it as much as I’ve liked other dildos in the past. Glass toys can easily hurt if you’re into rough play, and Icicles No. 18 is no exception – the curve actually makes it difficult for any kind of thrusting. The bulbed end was also a bit too big for my liking, but if you’re into size, you’ll probably really enjoy that end.

The box this toy comes in is pretty, but packaging is always a bit bulky. I wish it came with a pouch or other storage container so I could save a little space in my toy chest. This toy is also a bit more expensive than other Icicles options, though it is definitely worth the price.

Conclusion:

The Icicles No. 18 is a great toy for those who already have some experience with sex toys and want something a little different. It’s not my favorite glass option personally, but its a really high-quality toy regardless. Eden Fantasys has a number of other sex toys you can consider, including more options from Icicles, so if you’ve never tried glass toys before, I would pick something else first and then move on to No. 18 when you want to indulge in something unique. It’s an especially great choice if you like to collect pretty toys – it certainly is beautiful.

So, a few days ago, MM and I had a lovely evening together. I was super busy, but texting him about how grumpy I was all day…when he asked if I wanted some company, my initial reaction was no, due to my crazy workload, but I thought, “You know what? Fuck it. I can wake up a little earlier tomorrow to finish this.” He came over, I finished up the necessary crap that couldn’t be put off until morning while he ate dinner, and then we talked…

…the end.

No, seriously, we had some wine and talked all evening, from about 7 or so when he got there to 1 in the morning. The TV didn’t get turned on to watch a movie, we didn’t go out anywhere, there was no fucking. We just enjoyed one another’s company. For six hours, we just had a really nice conversation.

Well no, I should say for about FIVE hours, because right before he had to leave, we talked big elephant in the room for about an hour. Things are so “on hold” right now because of family shit (outside of their marriage family shit that is more important than marital problems). But really, I can’t wait forever and he knows this. He called himself a lying, cheating bastard, and for once, I didn’t disagree. It’s one thing to cheat and then go home and break things off with your significant other. It’s another thing entirely to cheat repeatedly and then tell both parties that you don’t know what you want to do.

Oh course, I take some blame too. I mean, I’m not cheating on anyone, but I’m sleeping with a married man, and that’s just a notch below on the evil scale. I do want to be very clear that I wouldn’t be sleeping with him if I didn’t think it was going to be something more someday. I wouldn’t be a fuck buddy with someone who is married. But still, it’s not a good thing to be with him when he has a wife.

Nothing really got resolved other than the fact that I made it very clear that he needs to keep things moving along. For the sake of our friendship, I have to know that he’s at least trying to resolve things, one way or another.

We also talked about something that I’ve been meaning to talk about – exclusivity. Not in love or kissing or anything mushy…but in sex. His wife doesn’t count (but he hasn’t had sex with her in over nine months), but I don’t want him sleeping around with other girls if he still wants to sleep with me. What he does above the belt is his business, but I don’t want to worry about STDs all the time. He agreed and asked for the same…so if nothing else, there’s that. We’re exclusively sleeping with one another. That actually makes me feel a little better about the situation.

Something interesting – a friend of mine from back in the day who now lives 15+ hours away is coming to visit. We’ve been very flirty and he’s recently out of a loooong long-term relationship, so it will be interesting to say the least. I’m definitely going to make sure that MM hangs out with us when he’s around because I know he’ll be a flirt and I’m interested to see what kind of reaction MM has. I think it will go one of two ways:

• Look how happy she is. I have to let her go so she can find someone and be happy like this all the time.
• RAWR WHY IS ANOTHER MAN FLIRTING WITH MY GIRL?!?!

Either way, the response will be a good thing in my eyes, because I think it will help him work out some feelings he has toward me. So yay. I don’t like to play games with people, and really, this is somewhat of a game which doesn’t sit well with me, but I think something like this has to happen for MM to get his ass in gear. In any case, it will be really, really nice to see my friend for a few days. (And don’t worry – he knows the story with MM and I, I’m not messing with his emotions. The flirting we do is harmless fun.)

So anyway, that’s my little life update. It’s complicated, but it’s filled with good sex, good friends, and lots of other good things.And good readers of course! What about you guys – what have you been up to over the past week or so?

I just wanted to kiss him…and I didn’t. I said goodbye to him, standing by his car, waiting for him to kiss me. There was this unspoken tension between the two of us, but neither of us leaned in, so I finally just pecked his cheek and scurried off into the house.

My phone rang around 6:30 PM the next day. “What are you doing tonight?”

His wife was supposed to accompany him to a going away party for a friend at “his” bar (i.e., the goth/rock/metal bar he goes to all the time with his friends). Mysteriously, she was swamped at work. And not feeling well. And his bitchy wife. So she couldn’t go.

That was mean. I say “his bitchy wife” only because I’m frustrated.

But anyway, the point of the story is that she couldn’t go, or rather decided not to go, so he called me to see if I’d be interested. Why yes, I would. He agreed to pick me up around 7:30 and I sprinted to the bathroom to shower and get ready. Which I was in record time. He didn’t have to wait at all. Okay, well maybe five minutes. BUT WHAT GIRL GOES FROM SWEATS TO GOTH IN LESS THAN AN HOUR???

We had an absolute blast. The music isn’t really my thing and I’m not much of a drinker, but I had so much fun dancing and even got some shots and beers in before the end of the night. More than my fair share of shots and beers, actually, but it was all in good fun and it’s nice to know that I cam completely and 100% trust him to get me home safely.

Anyway, the night before I just wanted to kiss him. This night, I did. A lot. While still at the bar, actually, we stole kisses when we could, trying not to draw too much attention to ourselves since, after all, he is married and his friends know it. When I was showering, I wasn’t sure if he’d be interested in coming in when dropping me off, so I shaved my legs just in case. As we walked from the bar to his car, there was no question. We could barely keep our hands off one another, and by the time we go to my house, his hard cock was straining against his jeans and my panties were soaked.

Yes, we fucked. A lot. He went down on me, which was glorious as always, and I had a lot of fun blowing him, as I always do. But sex together isn’t boring. We just…enjoy it, enjoy the ride. Before, I always felt kind of pressured to orgasm, like the guy wanted it, but with MM and I, orgasm isn’t even the end goal. Sure it’s nice, but we just love exploring one another.

When he finally did slide into me, it was just as good as I remembered it. He leaned down and kissed me, tenderly, and it was at that moment that I figured out what I really want.

I want to kiss him every day. I want to snuggle into his arms when I’m sad and hug him with joy when I’m happy. I want to fall asleep with my head resting on his chest. I want to fuck and I want to make love and I want to do everything in between. I want to push our boundaries, sexually and emotionally. I want to love him. I really, really want to love him.

As he kissed me, our bodies intertwined, I felt free because I figured out that while I want that, I want love so badly, I don’t. I don’t love him. At least, not in that way. Sure, the potential is there, but I don’t love him because at the end of the night, he has to leave. He has to go home and sleep in bed beside the woman who decided to ditch him for the night yet again.

And I say “has to” but the correct term is “decides to.” Just like she “has to” work, he “has to” go home. No one has to do anything. It’s a choice. He has chosen her over me, at least for now, and while I don’t like that, I understand the decision. You don’t just suddenly give up on 10+ years. You make sure it’s the right choice before you do that.

He’s gotta make his own decisions, and as much as he’s hinted to the fact that they’re heading to divorce, “heading” is not there yet. And I’m sorry, but I can’t love that. I can’t love someone who loves me second and loves another girl first. I hope some day that will change, and I’ll be first place in his heart, but until then, it is just sex and snuggles and friendship. What I really want is so much more, and I think I deserve that. Right now, what we have isn’t a blossoming love. It’s just…the situation. It is what it is, nothing more. It is certainly wonderful, but it isn’t love. Not even close.

We laughed, eating pancakes, my foot brushing again his occasionally. And I just wanted to…

After dinner, we talked until we were worried that the waitress would kick us out. Then we remembered that I have my own place in town now. We don’t have to sneak around or wait in the car. We can actually go back to my house and hang out. So we did, me leading him by the hand through my front door and down the stairs to my new TV room. And I just wanted to…

We chatted, enjoying our time together. I popped open a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. We played some video games together because we’re both huge dorks, and laughed as we both sucked trying to win. Our legs touched, and neither of us pulled back. We laughed some more, our faces dangerously close. And I just wanted to…

The night was over too soon. She called, wondering when he’d be home. Soon, he said, and satisfied, she went to bed without him. I wish you didn’t have work in the morning, I said, and he agreed. We walked up the stairs, this time, more slowly then hen we had come down them. I walked him to the car, even more slowly and he gave me a huge hug. And I just wanted to…

…kiss him.