I feel like MM is at a turning point in his life, a pivotal moment when everything could change. Or stay the same.

To bring you up to speed, in case you aren’t a long-time BMS reader, MM (Married Man) is someone I met in October 2009. We had this instant chemistry and spent the entire night talking together. Of course, as you can tell from the name I’ve given him on here, MM is married, and has been for a long time. Ten years to be exact, as I recently found out.

He doesn’t live near me, but by random happenstance, he does live extremely close to my best friend, someone I happen to visit several times every year and in a city where I was thinking about moving long before we met. Also strange happenstance, he is pretty familiar with the area where I live because he has family from around here and has visiting often in the past. So we do live four to five hours from one another, but we also see each other more than you’d expect.

MM and I have flirted, kissed, and snuggled nearly since we met, since I broke up with my boyfriend at the time the weekend after meeting MM for the first time. We recently finally took things all the way and slept with one another. Several times. It was an awesome weekend together.

MM isn’t a cheater because he lusts after other women or wants more sex. I mean, I’m sure those things are true, but he is just…unhappy in his marriage. It’s a complicated situation, and one that I don’t even fully understand myself, but the long and short of it? His wife is married to her job, not to him. She doesn’t really notice him anymore. She doesn’t want to do things with him and certainly doesn’t do things for him. Does he love her? I know he did when he married her, but I don’t know if he still does. I know he has felt an obligation to make it work.

At least, he has in the past.

Like I said, turning point. MM is visiting his parents this weekend (they don’t live near him, and it’s been about two years since he got to see them). The entire time, he’s been texting me. He referenced how weird it feels to be home, but how part of him does miss it. He said that he wishes he could take me there and show me around. Earlier this week, he was texting me about how he does wish that what we have could be something more, even though it can’t be right now.

I’m trying not to get in his way. I know that this is a decision he has to make on his own, and I don’t want him to ever resent me for making it, if he does decide to leave his wife. He’s told me that twice before, they’ve research this point, the point of considering separation, and both times he was the one to hold it together. Will he be the one this time? Probably not. But if push comes to shove, will she? I don’t know.

While he’s visiting his parents, he’s having lunch with an old friend from high school. In fact, that’s what he’s probably doing right now as I type this sentence. He mentioned that she is going through an extremely rough divorce right now, and he wants to talk to her about it. Their conversation could sway him to take action…or convince him to stay with his wife.

Also interesting, one of his friends, someone I’ve met and really liked, recently left her husband. I think the situation was similar – the feeling of not being special, not being noticed, not being loved. And she did it, she left, and he said that she is a million times happier right now. That must also be weighing on his mind.

I’m not going to lie. I hope he leaves his wife. MM is someone that deserves so much in this world. Good example: the other morning, it was snowy and he decided to take a sick day because he wasn’t feeling well anyway. But he still got up and shoveled out his wife’s car. He’s such a kind person, and beyond that…I think we could really be happy together. I’m talking really happy. It’s impossible to say if a relationship would work, but when I’m with him, regardless of what we’re doing, I just feel so…right. Like the world is an awesome place. And after over a year, I thought that would change, but it hasn’t. Granted, so don’t see one another every day or even every week, but we’ve hung out a significant number of times…and each time is better than the last.

I feel like right now, this year, is the chance he has for change. He hasn’t asked me to wait for him, and I’m not…but in some sense I am. I’m waiting to see what happens. I think that he will come to a decision in the next few months, maybe even in the next few weeks, and right now, I honestly don’t know what that decision will be.

But it scares me to think that I might lose this happiness that I’ve found.

I’d love to hear your thought, dear readers. What do you think of MM from the little I’ve told you? Would you wait for him if you were in my shoes? Do you think I’m taking the right approach, trying to give him space, or do you think that will come off like I don’t care about him?

Yep, that really is me. I'm usually very protective over pictures of myself on this blog, but I wanted to do something fun today. Be kind with your comments, I have a fragile ego!

“Do you prefer breasts or ass?”

It’s a question I’ve been known to ask in the past. I’m always curious. We were laying together, naked, MM and I, just enjoying being comfy in bed together. Those moments are best, aren’t they? You don’t have to be anywhere or do anything. You can just lounge together, talking and kissing and laughing, with the rest of the world melting away.

He thought about it for a moment, then gave the typical male answer that he likes both. “Of course you like both, everybody likes both. But if you had to pick just one?”

“Breasts.” He was confident in his answer, his fingers lazily finding my nipples, tweaking them softly, the pads of his fingers brushing against them. I snuggled into his arms, spooning with him as he cupped my breasts. I could feel him getting hard against me, slowly. MM is not one to rush in the bedroom.

And then, he had me flipped on my back and was moving down my neck and chest with long, lingering kisses that were wet, but never sloppy. I find that most men answer my question differently – they prefer a nice ass. I’m not saying that my ass is ugly or anything, but it is average. My breasts however? Well, I have cleavage for days. To hear that MM prefers breasts over ass was a huge turn-on, because breasts are definitely my biggest asset.

He buried his face cleavage, taking it all in, moving from kisses to more aggressive sucking and nipping and licking. He wasn’t like the men I had been with in the past, enjoying my boobs for a few minutes before moving on to the main attraction. He was worshiping them, loving them, focused on making me feel good, but totally soaking in every moment of enjoying himself. He played roughly with my nipples, making me gasp, then followed with soft, fluttering touches, making me moan. He grabbed them and caressed them groped them and loved them. He made me feel beautiful and sexy long before we even moved below the belt to actually have sex.

He pulled me on top of him and I slowly lowered myself onto his waiting cock. Mmm, perfect. I leaned down to kiss him and began to move my hips, grinding against him, hard inside of me. His kissed trailed down my neck and found my breasts, and I shifted so they were in his face. He left out a low moan and sucked on my nipples hard, first the left, then the right. I sat upright on his cock and began to bounce, slowly at first, then faster and faster. My arms were on his chest, gently scratching, and pushing my boobs together, then I cupped them myself, playing with my own nipples as I bounced on him, his hands on my hips. As I was getting closer to orgasm, I raised my arms above me, stretching and he thrust into me as I was grinding against him.

Afterward, we were again lounging in bed, naked.

“Your boobs while we have sex. Wow. Just wow.”

That’s all he really said, but I feel as though if he was a smoker, he would have taken a long drag from his cigarette at that moment. My breasts were sore for days after, from the bouncing and grabbing, and I love that. And I can’t tell you how hot it is to know that he loves it too.

I was nervous.

There’s not much that makes me a bit shaky in the bedroom, but the Married Man, MM, had me unsettled. Maybe it’s because he’s so much older than me (he’s in his mid-thirties, I’m 25), or maybe it’s just because we’ve been wanting this for so long, but I’m nervous.

It’s been over a year since we met. A year and three months to be exact. And we’ve been good. First, we were good because I was still dating someone. Then we were good because the opportunity to be bad didn’t really present itself. But that night, well, there we were. Alone in our hotel room. Free to do whatever we wanted.

And I was nervous.

But it was an odd kind of nervous. I’m usually nervous that I’m not pretty enough or that he’ll think I’m ugly with my clothes off or that I will suck in bed or whatever. It’s usually a really self-conscious kind of nervousness that I have before I fuck someone for the first time. Those thoughts never once crossed my mind with MM. No, I was just nervous that what I’d been hoping wouldn’t actually happen – that we’d have sex, but not feel anything, that it wouldn’t feel special, that it would just be another fuck.

I wanted it so badly to be special.

We made out like teenagers for a long time, enjoyed oral sex, felt our hands all over one another. And all the while, I was nervous.It was wonderful, and I couldn’t stop thinking, “Will he feel wonderful inside me? Is he nervous too?”

He whispered in my ear, wondering if he should get condoms. Not wondering if I wanted him to use them or go bareback, but rather wondering if I was ready for sex. If I wanted to do it. He petted my hair and breathed on my neck, so clearly wanting to fuck, but so concerned that I call the shots. He would never do anything to hurt me.

Yes, I said. You should go get the condoms.

He raced to the bathroom to put one on and I rolled to my back, nervously rubbing my clit. Before long he was back, ready to go, and on top of me, kissing me again. I can still taste his kisses. They’re perfect.

Almost as perfect as feeling him slide into me. MM isn’t huge in terms of girth. MM isn’t huge in terms of length. MM is, in fact, average. Except when he’s in me, he feels perfect. I think we both gasped a little, and I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him even deeper into me. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

The sex is secondary when you feel like that.

I had nothing to be nervous about. It was everything I had hoped it would be. At that moment, it actually felt silly that I had been so worried that it would be something less than perfect. When someone knows your soul, like MM knows mine, it doesn’t matter what kinds of hiccups there are in the bedroom. Being with him was the most special time I’ve had in the bedroom in a long time. Maybe ever.

Also, for the record, he unexpectedly called me last night because “he thought that my texts seemed like I might be having a lonely day.” Or because he was home alone, making dinner alone, feeling a little lonely too, but not wanting to admit it. I don’t care the reasoning, talking with him is a treat, and I love soaking up every second of it.

…you all remember him, right? I met him in October 2009, just before breaking up with V. He lives an afternoon’s drive away from me, but in a city I visit regularly for other reasons, so we get to see one another five or six times a year.

Married Man, let’s just call him MM, is someone I’m trying desperately not to fall in love with.

Last weekend, I got to hang out with MM all weekend, and I had him totally to myself. We went to a conference together, shared a hotel room, and finally…after over a year of teasing…had sex. Lots of sex. So much sex that both of us were sore. Sex in every position, sex for hours and hours, sex sex sex sex sex.

And oh god was it good sex. I’ll definitely have to write about some of it, but let me say this: It was hands down some of the best sex of my life.

I don’t say that lightly. I really don’t. But then, I also fake orgasm probably 80% of the time when I’m with someone else. And I didn’t fake it with MM, not once. He gave me orgasm after orgasm, and just when I thought that it couldn’t get any better, he made me squirt. I’ve never, ever done that before. I was a puddle of goo afterward. It was amazing.

Equally amazing was just snuggling together, our bodies wrapped around one another, naked, playful, nuzzling. At one point, I talked about a tough time in my life and he held me while I cried, stroking my hair and whispering beautiful things to me. At another point, I straddled him from behind to give him a massage, which ended with him leaning back into my arms, talking about important things in his life while I kissed his ears and neck softly. We had so much sex…but it was about so much more. Does that make sense? I don’t even know if I’m making sense! It’s so hard to put on paper.

And after spending a long weekend together, we made plans to have lunch the next day, which turned into a six-hour conversation. Six hours! Six hours of just holding hands and sitting together, talking about life. Who does that?

But MM is…well…married. Hence the name. Oddly, I’m not jealous of his wife because it isn’t a situation where he’s lusting after another girl so cheats while his wife is home alone. No, his wife doesn’t even notice him. She’s got the kindest, most amazing husband in the world, the type of guy who makes her dinner, the type of guy who gets up 15 minutes early to clear the snow from her car too, the type of guy who just wants to take care of her, and she is oblivious. She’s married to her job and for a long time hasn’t done a damn thing to make him feel loved or appreciated or special. He wants a family and she wants a promotion.

And he deserves that, a family. He deserves a wife who takes care of him and who makes him feel so special because he really, really is.

Is is odd that I know without a doubt that he would never ever cheat on me if I was in his wife’s shoes? He cheats because he’s just so painfully lonely, so in search of someone to tell him that he’s loved, even just a little. I would never let him feel like this, so alone and unnoticed.

I won’t wait for him because frankly, I don’t know what will happen. He might never leave his wife. He definitely still feels a duty toward her, a responsibility to try to make things better. But after this past weekend, it seems more and more likely that he’s going to stand up for himself if things don’t improve. And if he does? I’ll be here. I’ll be here in whatever way he wants me, as a friend, as an ear to listen, as a lover, or as something more. MM makes my soul sing, and I know that I do that for him too, even if he is still a bit afraid to admit it.

And for the record, this ball started rolling before me. As far as I know, I’m the second cheatee, so to speak, but the first person where it went farther than kissing. When I met him, though, he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. So, what does that say? They’ve been having problems for a long time, and he’s made a point to tell me that I should never feel like anything that happens between the two of them is my fault.

Life and love are strange. But they’re beautiful. It will be exciting to see how things play out over the next six months. I know what my heart is wishing, but right now, my hopes are restrained. So, I won’t wait for him.

Unless he asks me to. Because MM would never ask me to wait unless he knew for certain he’d be back to get me.

I have something exciting to share with you all: for a limited time, you can sign up for Erosity, a brand new sex and romance website for couples, for completely free…for life.

The site is currently in beta, but already going strong! Erosity features:

• Orgasm Recipes – fun ways for couples to spice up their sex lives
• Expressions – on-site way for couples to privately communicate
• Butterfly Effects – site-wide special events
• “Pseudo Networking” – like social networking, but as anonymous and private as your want to be

When Erosity is out of beta testing, you’ll have to pay a membership fee (likely monthly or annual) to be a member, but if you join right now and become a part of this site’s founding network of members, you can get a FREE lifetime membership. I’m not only a member of Erosity, but one of the recipe writers for this site, so I can say firsthand how high-quality it is. Getting a free lifetime membership is pretty much the best deal of the century.

To get your free lifetime membership, simply sign up using the coupon code 272206. DO NOT WAIT if you want a free membership. Once the site reaches a certain number of members, free memberships will be a thing of the past.

And if you enjoy the site? Pass on the code to your readers, twitter followers, Facebook friends, and more!