Have you nominated your favorite blog for the 2010 sex bloggers list? If not, you’re running out of time! Tomorrow is the LAST DAY you can nominate the writers you love. To do so, either leave a comment on the nominations post here:

http://www.betweenmysheets.com/index.php/nominations-for-sexiest-bloggers-of-2010

Or email me directly with your nominations at:

rori@betweenmysheets.com

I’m purposely closing comments on this post so that no one leaves their nominations here by mistake. Also, if you commented before today, July 30, and don’t see the comment on the post, please leave you nominations again. I tried to grab all the non-spam comments that went to my spam folder by accident, but I may have missed some!

Tomorrow is also the last day to sign up for judging. Remember, if you want to be a judge email me, don’t just leave a comment on my site. If you received an email from me at some point saying thanks for volunteering, you’re on my list. If you did not receive and response thanking you, your email may have gotten deleted by mistake, so feel free to email me again! I don’t want to leave anyone out!

D has recently been saying that he wishes I would get out and meet people more. Not just people, guys. You know, go on dates and such.

My day job doesn’t really allow me to meet many people, at least not face-to-face, since I work from home and online. My hobbies don’t really either, and when I do get out of the house, a lot of the activities I enjoy are female-centric, like book club. So, I do see where he’s coming from. He wants me to be happy, and he knows that everything that’s going on in his life would be less stressful in mine if I also had a crush of sorts.

For once though…I’m ok being single and not actively looking for someone to love. I still want that relationship, still want to find my partner in crime, my better half, my true love. I’m just ok with waiting for it to happen naturally. Or, at the very least, I’m ok with being pretty darn picky. I haven’t been out on a date in a long time, frankly, because no one of interest has asked me. The guys who have asked…well, I’m certain that I don’t want a relationship with them, so I’d just rather not go on a date at all. What’s the point in wasting time? I’m not really interested in pursuing more friendships.

That sounds mean, but true friendships take time, and I’m not willing to commit any more of my time to other people right now. If a friendship between myself and someone else just naturally forms, it’s not like I’m going to cut them out of my life or something. I’m just not actively interested in pursuing more friendships at the moment. Am I missing out on awesome people? Maybe. Probably, even.

But right now, I want some time for me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I want to enjoy having time for hobbies that are important to me. I want to having extra time to build my business. I want to masturbate. I want to make decisions based on what I want, not on what is best for my relationship with someone. I want to be selfish and not feel bad about it.

I think that’s ok. This might be the first time in my life that I’m actually not only at peace with being single, but happy being single. Relationships, while awesome, are a lot of hard work. Right now, I just want to relax a little and enjoy life.

I’m not sure why I entitled this post “Of the Week,” since I don’t plan to do a list every week, haha…but since it is (early) Monday morning and the start of a brand new workweek, it seemed appropriate.

I recently wrote about how D’s ladyfriend (I’m not really sure what to call her, since she’s more than a friend, but has a boyfriend, so certainly isn’t dating him) accused me of being passive aggressive on Twitter. It bothered me. A lot. I’m not sure why, but it actually made me cry. It was just a really bitchy thing to do, in my mind, and I get hurt easily when people speak badly of me. Unless they have a reason…then, I guess it’s fair game.

But anyway…with that issue in mind, here are some important facts I’d like to point out. And I don’t care if writing this here is passive aggressive. It’s my effing blog, and I can say what I want in this safe space. If she rants about me on some kind of anonymous blog…more power to her.

Ok, the facts:

Fact #1: If you’re sorry about something, you should contact that person and tell them that you’re sorry.

Even if it means eating shit. Apparently, she was super drunk the night before, and when she woke up in the morning she “didn’t remember” what happened at all the night before. Yeah, I’m not sure I believe that. Maybe it is true, but I know way too many people who lie about blacking out to save face. Anyway, D came to me later that day and said that she’s sorry. Ok, cool. Then tell me that. Don’t tell the guy you’re pretending is your boyfriend. I told D I was going to let it go, for his sake, and believe that this was a one-time thing, not something that’s going to ever be an issue again. I still think she should have called, texted, tweeted, or emailed me to say “I’m sorry” directly. Yes, it is tough. That’s what you get for doing something wrong, though…you have to suck it up and apologize, even when it is embarrassing.

Oh, and I’ve already told D – if I find out again that she’s saying bad things about me to my friends behind my back, I will take her down. Seriously. Once is a drunken mistake. Twice, you’re a bitch that needs to be put in her place. He agreed that I’m justified in doing so if she causes drama again. He says he’s going to stay out of it, but honestly…if she starts something unprovoked, I hope that he’ll back me up and won’t be afraid to tell her that she’s wrong.

Fact #2: The world does not revolve around you.

This is true of anyone – her, me, D, even you, my dear reader. In the past, D told me that she’s admitted to being very self-centered about what’s going on right now between the two of them. We all deserve to be self-centered sometimes. That’s besides the point. There’s no time or place where it is ok to assume that everything everyone in the world is doing is all about you. This whole Twitter thing? Drunk or not, why would you read the message of someone you barely know and assume it is about you? That thought crossed my mind, but I chalked it up to her being stressed.

Then today, I saw something that made me laugh.

I’m kinda ashamed to say that I do still follow her on Twitter. I shouldn’t care what she’s saying, but truth be told, if she starts saying mean things directed at me again, I want to know. I’m not trying to stalk her…I just really don’t want someone out there saying bad things about me, since we do have a number of mutual friends. Today, I noticed something she mentioned that made me roll my eyes.

She goes by a certain handle nearly everywhere on the Internet. Her job, like mine, is very social-networking-driven. Today, she found out that someone started a website using a name very similar to her Internet handle. She tweeted out of disgust that this person was cashing in on the popularity she worked so hard to gain.

Erm. It’s an Internet handle. And not one that is, by any stretch of the imagination, something super unique. I checked out the website, and it’s pretty clear that this other person isn’t posing as her or anything. They just have similar (not even the same) names. Seriously? You really think this person is trying to cash in on your “popularity”? (I say that in quotes because she’s not like, Lady Gaga or something. Some people in her industry recognize her handle, but it’s not like she’s a celebrity or something, not even among people in her specific industry. The organization she’s in is very well known. Her? Not so much.)

I know, I sound like I’m being mean just because I don’t like her. Maybe I am. It’s just comments like this that rub me the wrong way. I keep trying to give her a shot, because D really wants me to…but it’s hard to force yourself to like someone who approaches life in such a negative, elitist way.

Fact #3: If you have the option to leave a bad situation but don’t, you are no longer a victim.

I don’t believe that you have the right to play the victim card if you refuse to stop being the victim. I know she talks to D a lot about how horrible her boyfriend is, and there’s even be allusions of mild physical violence (I say mild not because I think that any kind of physical violence is ok, but because I’m talking about throwing things at her during arguements, not beating her)…if any of this is true, why doesn’t she just leave already?

Yes, I know that it can be super hard to leave a comfortable situation. I’ve stayed in relationships too long at points in my past. And things are complicated when you’ve been in a relationship with someone for so long. If that’s the case, though, you need to stop playing the victim card. “Woe is me, my life situation is terrible” only works so long. You’re a victim the first time something happens to you. If you have the mental capacity to remove yourself from that situation, but choose not to, you aren’t a victim anymore. You’ve made your choice.

Fact #4: Her boyfriend has every right to be mad.

Dude has been in a pissy-ass mood for weeks now, according to what D has told me. Um, he has a right to be. I don’t know him at all, but it sounds like he’s not really a winner. Still, if your girlfriend is cheating on your with someone else – even if it is just emotionally – you have a right to get a little crazy about about it. It would drive me up a wall! Apparently, he was demanding to see IM conversations, which D and she both thought was obsessive. No, not really. You shouldn’t be talking about things you have to hide from your long-term boyfriend. And apparently, he hates D. Well, duh! I would hate “the other girl” if I was dating someone who had feelings for another person.

Honestly, I’m spent on the subject. Today while driving, D started talking about her once again, and I drowned him out with the radio. He got mad, and while I admit that it was rude, I’ve told him multiple times now that I don’t want to hear him talk about her anymore. I’m trying to be the bigger person in all of this, but I have my limits. I’ve reached it. I want to pretend that she doesn’t exist. All she’s brought into my life is drama.

It really does stink, too, because if she really didn’t exist, things would be awesome between D and I right now. Whenever she’s not around and texting/IM’ing/tweeting him, and whenever he’s not focused on thinking how miserable he is about her, we’re having a wonderful time as roommates. We have so much fun together, and any joe schmo off the street can see that we really do care about one another. We share household responsibilities, we do things together, we help out one another when needed. It’s an almost-perfect situation.

And that’s what stresses me out the most. Life if never perfect, but if she would just effing disappear, it would be pretty damn good. It’s encouraging, at least, because I know that eventually this will be resolved in one way or another, and then, the day to day drama of it all will finally be gone. I can’t wait.

I think that I gave a bit of a one-dimensional view of my current relationship with D the last time I wrote about him. Things right now are not fine. Not at all.

But they will be.

We’re keeping the communication open as much as we can. I talked to him about my feelings, and while there’s no solution to make me feel better at the moment, it feels good to know that he understands my point of view. We had sex the next day, and it was good. Really good.

And not because I had a mind-blowing orgasm or anything. The sex itself was ok. But the feeling of relief, of just enjoying one another without stressing about things…it was much needed. That’s an understatement.

I hope it happens again (and again and again and again) and is even better. I’m not going to instigate things if he isn’t comfortable, though. Neither of us need that.

Being with D in any kind of relationship, even just as friends, is a roller coaster ride, to say the least. I’ll tell you this though – no one will ever ride that ride better than I do. D is my heart. Even if we never end up dating again, he always will be.

Right now, the other girl…well, I don’t like her, and for a variety of reasons, not just because I’m jealous. I am jealous, but that’s just an added bonus to the pile of reasons I think she’s a jerk. Last night, I’m minding my own business when BAM…D tells me that she’s upset with me and talking shit because I’m being passive aggressive on Twitter toward her.

Um. What?

This was on my “real” Twitter account (i.e., the one I use with my real-life friends that’s disconnected with my sex blog/personality), so I won’t post things word for word here…but I’m not sure how she could EVER take any of my tweets as passive aggressive. In the past day, all I’ve basically said was song lyrics from the 90s (because D and I were watching the tops songs of the 90s on VH1 all evening) and a few random comments that were positive and certainly not directed toward anyone.

Even D is kinda baffled as to what she could have possibly twisted in her mind to believe it was a mean comment directed at her. Seriously, it’s a bunch of bubbly 90s lyrics and a few notes that I’m having a good night. The only thing we can figure is that the one comment I made was that people can’t be pushed, they have to figure things out on their own. I was just referring to the changes I’ve made in my life, and how I had to come to conclusions myself, not be told by others. Maybe she thought I was referring to her? Or D? Seriously, that’s all I got. Even then…I’m not sure how it could be viewed as passive aggressive.

It irks me that she didn’t approach me about it. We know one another. We’ve spoken to one another in the past, before shiz got real. Instead of asking, she essentially badmouthed me to D (and another mutual friend, I’ve found out) and even went as far as to tweet that passive aggressive people are pathetic.

Which is hilariously ironic, considering the passive aggressive nature of her tweet. I actually read that tweet when she said it and had no clue it was about me until D said it was. I feel like she owes me an apology. Name-calling? Come on.

And seriously…Twitter drama? Do I look like a 13 year old? Honestly, I think she was just looking for a reason to not like me, because she’s admittedly jealous that I live with D.

D’s pretty upset with us both for not giving one another a fair chance. I feel like i did, but he disagrees. I didn’t start out to hate her, though. I tried to find redeeming qualities, but I seriously don’t see any. I don’t like her approach to life, and I really don’t like how she’s treating my friend. Regardless of whether or not I’m jealous (I totally am), I don’t like that she’s made him her Plan B. Plan A is to make things work with the boyfriend, and D is her runner-up option in case her current relationship doesn’t work out. That’s not cool. He doesn’t see it that way, but looking at it from an objective angle…come on. He’s not her first choice. She’s made that clear.

Dude, if you have a boyfriend and are truly set on making it work with him, wtf right do you have to be mad or jealous that I’m living with D? It’s complete garbage. If you “love” him so much, you should be willing to break up with your boyfriend to be with him.

D can’t see that. I understand why he doesn’t, he’s too close to the situation…but just like I saw that she would be gone (the she that he cheated on me with back when we dated that he insisted was the right girl for him), I can see that this girl’s days are numbered in his life. She is gone from D’s world, and is in fact getting married to some punk this fall. This other current girl? I know in my heart that she’s no good in D’s life. If you make someone upset more often than you make him happy, you’re not a positive force in the person’s life.

They relate to one another on certain levels. Mostly hardships they’ve dealt with in the past. Just because someone understands you doesn’t mean that they are good in your life. In fact, I think she’s dragging him down. She offered to help him deal with a certain problem in his life, and when he told me about it (it involves a large monetary contribution on his end), I just had to laugh to myself. It’s manipulative as all hell, and quite possibly not even the best solution for him or his family. It makes me sick to think that she’s using something so important to him to manipulate the situation.

I hope I’m wrong. I hope she’s honestly trying to be a friend and a good person. It’s hard to believe that, though. She’s admitted in the past that she’s being self-centered about this situation, and I’m not sure why that would suddenly change now. Allowing someone to have something major to hold over your head, like she’s proposing, is crazy.

He’ll realize it eventually. He might continue to pine for her for awhile. He might even date her if she becomes available. Eventually, though, she’ll be gone from his life. And I’ll be here when it happens. D and I are going to be fine. I don’t for a second believe that we won’t be. No one can ever possibly care about D the way I do. I’m not going to “wait” for him to want to date me again. That might never happen. But I am going to wait for him to stop letting some other girl come between us and the special bond we have. That sounds cheesy, but I’m not sure how else to put it.

For the record, I feel ok about ranting here because I know that neither she nor D reads this site. I’m also confident that no one who knows any of the involved parties reads this site (or if they do, they won’t realize I’m talking about people they know). It would totally be passive aggressive for me to talk about her or the situation if she was a reader here. This is the real reason I’ve kept this blog around for so long I can rant about things in a non-hurtful way. Ya’ll put up with my crazy long posts about drama in my life, and I’m not sure why. I’m not sure what blog-less people do to release some steam!

I enjoy a good debate. There’s certainly a debate going on at View From The Floor and Britni’s blog. I’m not sure it’s what I would call a “good” one though.

There seems to be a complete lack of communication between the two sides, stemming from an inability to understand one another. Just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean that you can’t see why someone else thinks differently. You can even think someone else is wrong/vile/etc and still consider their opinion valid. Understand someone’s point of view doesn’t mean that you think it is ok.

For example: I think that grabbing a girl’s chest at a nightclub without her permission is a disrespectful, horrible thing to do. I understand that there are situations where he would be misguided enough to think it is ok. There’s a difference between understanding someone and giving approval.

I feel like everyone in this argument is just shouting, without truly listening to one another. At this point, I’m not even sure that 75% of the people weighing in are even reading the posts and comments. It’s all just shouting. And it’s mean and ugly. It makes me sad to see so many bloggers that I like turning against one another over a difference of opinion.

That’s why I’m choosing not to leave a comment either place, and instead writing something here. Here’s what I would like to say:

To Britni and to anyone else who’s ever been inappropriate touched while out dancing or drinking:

That really sucks. Personally, if I choose to dance with someone at a club, I don’t mind a little touching and teasing, but that’s my feeling about my body. I do have limits, and I would be upset if a guy crossed the line. Everyone has the right to set their own limits when it comes to their bodies. If a girl (or guy for that matter) says no to something sexual, whether it is as simple as a kiss or outright penetration, the other person needs to respect that. It really stinks that someone pushed your personal limit and didn’t respect your right to say no and walk away.

To Taylor and others from View From The Floor:

While I do think what you are saying is a bit unclear and easily confused, I think you make some extremely valid points. I would not fault a guy for being sexually aroused if I was dancing with him. And if a girl obviously feels an erection and continues to grind on it, I would not fault him for thinking it was a sign that it is ok to make a move to kiss her, touch her, etc. I would fault him for not stopping if she told him to back off. Consent isn’t black and white, though, unless someone clearly says “Yes, do this” or “No, stop doing that”. Signals get mixed up all the time. That isn’t anyone’s fault, but it is the responsibility of the person who feels uncomfortable to clarify the boundaries if they’re being crossed. Humans communication both verbally and non-verbally, and in both cases, it is sometimes easy to misunderstand someone.

To everyone:

A point I would like to make is this: please be safe and respectful when you’re in an environment with alcohol, even if you aren’t drinking. Alcohol does not make any kind of sexual assault ok. If you can’t control yourself when you’re drinking, don’t drink or drink at home. You have the right to drink, but you do not have the right to lose control and hurt others.

Also, evaluate any situation and your place in it against your personal sexual touch limits. If you do not want to cause a guy’s erection or feel it against you, dance with your girlfriends and move away from any guy who tries to dance with you, or turn toward him so that you’re dancing together but not grinding in a sexual way. Or, invite some male friends that you trust to go along and cut in if you start to feel uncomfortable.

Look at your choice of dress as well. You can wear modest clothes and still feel sexy. When your ass is hanging out of your skirt or you’re showing so much cleavage that your nipples are about to pop out, it does make people start to think about what you would look like naked. Sexy clothing does not give someone the right to touch you, but people are scum. If you wear something more modest, you’re less likely to have to deal with it. It definitely doesn’t mean that it won’t happen at all, but it does mean you’ll deal with assholes less often. Yes, you have the right to wear whatever you want, but what’s the point of wearing something super revealing if you can feel just as good about yourself in something a little more modest?

Dangerous Lilly also made an excellent comment here – if you’re worried that you’ll be sexually assault, consider taking a self-defense class. It’s a great way to feel more comfortable when going out in a situation where alcohol is involved.

I guess, my overall point is this: everyone has the right to go out and have fun without being touched inappropriately, but that just because it shouldn’t happen doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. If you can take steps to prevent yourself from being a victim, why wouldn’t you? You have the right to walk through the city at night without being mugged, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t carry pepper spray.

I think that’s the point everyone is trying to make here: Team Britni is saying that it isn’t ok for one person to cross another person’s boundaries. Team Taylor is saying that we all need to take steps to feel comfortable and safe, and that maybe we send mixed signals sometimes. To me, those two points of view totally work hand in hand.

Maybe I’m misunderstanding both sides of the debate. Certainly, since the original posts, things have been said on both sides that have taken things so far off topic that I’m not addressing them here. People have taken things to an entirely different level. For example, at one point, I believe there was a nasty-worded comment debate about whether a whore accepting money is consent for her to be touched sexually.

It makes me sad to see so many so many outright attacks on both sides of the situation. It makes me sad to see all the clear misunderstandings that have led to completely unrelated arguments. It makes me sad to see people being disrespectful in disagreeing by name-calling. It makes me sad to read how people are saying things, with a condescending tone as though the other person is stupid.

I understand people are passionate about this topic. I even understand that some people think certain comments are extremely distasteful or wrong or horrible. I guess, I just wish that everyone would hold themselves to a higher standard. If you want to weigh in on this debate, there’s a way to do so with some class. You can disagree with someone without using foul language or calling them names. Essin’ Em did it here, by clearly and adamantly disagreeing, but in a mature way.

We would all also do well to remember that certain issues are extremely sensitive to others. Compassion doesn’t have to be dead just because we disagree with someone. You can show support for someone’s feelings while still disagreeing with their actions. It’s easy. You just say, “I’m really, really sorry to here that you’re in such pain over what happened. I hope you feel better and that it doesn’t happen again.” I don’t care how much you may dislike Britni or feel like her supporters are wrong. She’s upset about the situation, and that totally blows. We should all hope she feels better, regardless of where we land on the debate spectrum.

And one last thing (well, group of things) for every blogger to remember: No one makes anyone else blog about your life. No one is making you read others’ blogs if you don’t like the other person. No one is making you open comments section. No one is stopping you from deleting comments that are mean, because, it is your blog. No one is stopping you from protecting a post so as to only give access to people who will support you. As bloggers, we put our personal lives out there, and even on topics where we can’t imagine someone thinking we’re wrong, it happens, and we need to be emotionally prepared to handle that. If an issue is extremely sensitive to you, it might be best to keep it private, especially when the pain is still fresh. It’s just something all bloggers should consider when posting anything personal.