I’ve been getting emails over the past two weeks about it, so I want to say publicly that nominations for the 2010 Sex Bloggers List is not yet open. I usually do that in May or June, but this year, I might do it in July instead. We’ll see. In any case, there will be a post here about it when they open up, and you can follow me on Twitter to make sure you don’t miss it!

Something about the list recently crossed my mind, and I’d love your opinions on it, either on Twitter, on this post as a comment, or in an email to me.

The main reason I started the list back in 2008 was to create a resource of great bloggers to check out and to give yourself an introduction point for meeting them. In the two years I’ve done the list, there have been a lot of repeats – blogs that have been consistently wonderful and are nominated every year.

But if the list is 75% the same every year…doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose. Yes, I want this to be the “Best” list, but that terms is highly subjective, and right now I can think of about 15 bloggers off the top of my head who deserve the top spot. Every year, there are some great bloggers who don’t make the list simply because there are only 100 slots and the judges have to make hard decisions about whom to include.

So, what I’m proposing is that if you make it into the top 10 three years in a row or are named as the #1 top blogger any year, you then get retired. In other words, you can no longer be nominated. (Everyone would still be eligible this year, with the retirement rule going into effect from now on). I’ll still include a list of the retirees at the end to help promote their blogs too, since they’re so awesome, but it would open up the main list for fresh names and faces.

This is your list as much as it is mine. Ultimately, I know that I have to make the decisions regarding it, and not everyone will be happy, but I’d really like you all to weigh in with your opinions. Vote here, or like I said, give me a self-worded opinion with a tweet, comment, or email.

I’m sorry in advance that this is going to be a long post, but I felt inspired to write about this topic.

Let me start with a story. When I was in college, there was a girl on campus who we’ll just call “Jill.” Jill was (and perhaps still is) a slut, and I say that word without any negative or positive connotations. In other words, whether you think it was good or bad, Jill slept around. A lot. There were rumors that she had been with over 100 men, and she confirmed that she was a part of at least one threesome. Jill enjoyed sex, and the men at my college enjoyed Jill. I wasn’t personally friends with Jill, simply because we didn’t run in the same circles and never met. I just knew of Jill. Everyone did.

Some people were extremely upset by this. I lived with a girl (by lottery, not choice, though we got along well enough) who was pretty vocal about the fact that Jill was a slut – only she used the term with a definite negative connotation. Jill had hooked up with one of her friend’s brothers or cousins or something, and even though that guy seemed fine with being loved and left, apparently it made Jill a bad person in her book. Let’s call this girl Melissa.

Both Melissa and I lived with yet another girl, who I’ll name Cindy for the purpose of this story (the lengths I go to protect identities of people who don’t read this site…). Anyway, Cindy and Jill were pretty good friends, mainly because they were in the same major and saw each other in nearly every class, since we went to a small college. Cindy was not promiscuous, at least, no more than the average 20-something girl, and she also got along with Melissa.

Well, that is, until Melissa found out that Cindy was such good friends with Jill. Although they never had a confrontation about it, Melissa pretty much stopped hanging out with Cindy completely, and would talk to me regularly about how she couldn’t believe that Cindy was friends with Jill.

Here’s what I never understood – what did Cindy’s friend with Jill have to do with her friendship with Melissa. She wasn’t forcing them to hang out together, and obviously the things Melissa found so horrible about Jill weren’t rubbing off on Cindy, since she went an entire summer being friends with her and only backed off when she randomly found out there was an association there.

But I was ok. I was friends with Cindy, who was friends with Jill, but that was far enough away from the source that Melissa was still willing to hang out with me. But if Melissa truly believe that it made Cindy a bad person to not boycott Jill, why didn’t it make me a bad person not to boycott Cindy? Or Melissa a bad person not to boycott me? Where do you draw the line, and how do you justify it?

For the record, I would like to say that I don’t think Jill did anything wrong, and while I do think she could have respected herself more in some situations and could have certainly been safer (from what I heard), I don’t look down on her for the choices she made. She had a lot of awesome sex in college, and that’s great.

But in Melissa’s world, Jill was the source of evil. Ground Zero, so to speak. And you know, I support Melissa for refusing to be friends with Jill. It may not have been my choice, but she saw something in the world she didn’t like and she took a stand against it. We’re not talking rallies or something here, but I respect Melissa for saying, “I don’t agree with what you do, and therefore, I want to have no association to you.”

We all say that to some people or websites or companies (whatever). Some people boycott Wal-Mart. Some people blacklist certain blogs. Whatever, the point is – it makes sense.

But once you start moving away from the source, does it really make sense to cut ties? Did it make sense for Melissa to stop being friends with Cindy because she was friends with Jill?Would it have made sense for her to cut ties with me because I was friends with Cindy?

Over the past few weeks, this has been an issue for me because of some things I’ve been seeing in the sex blog/pos community. Actually, this issue goes back even further, years before I even got involved with my own sex blog. Here is a sampling of situations:

     1. Some people are boycotting a certain sex toy company because of their policies. I totally understand that.

     2. Some people are boycotting a certain website because the writer is controversial. I totally understand that.

     3. Some people are boycotting a certain person because they believe he was in the wrong in a he said/she said situation. I totally understand that.

I can continue with instances of people in the sex blog/pos community boycotting others, and seriously, it makes a tons of sense to remove your associations with someone who is doing something you don’t like.

But then…

     1. Some people are boycotting bloggers who still advertise for this sex toy company.

     2. Some people are boycotting a a company that has said the controversial writer has freedom of speech writers that should be defended.

     3. Some people are boycotting anyone who takes the “he said” side of the argument.

Erm…ok. Well, I guess I can understand those things. I mean, if you don’t want to associate with someone/thing, I suppose it makes sense to remove associations that are strong tied to those people or companies.

BUT THEN…

     1. Some people are boycotting bloggers who are haven’t spoken for or against this company, who have chosen to remain friends with bloggers who are still advertising with this copmany.

     2. Some people are boycotting an event that allowed the company who defended the controversial blogger’s freedom of speech to take part in the conference.

     3. Some people are boycotting people who are still associating with those on the “he said” side of the argument, even though they don’t have knowledge of what happened because they weren’t there.

It starts to spiral out of control. It’s like the Melissa/Cindy/Jill situation. Jill is the shady sex toy company. Jill is the controversial writer. Jill is the guy who allegedly did something wrong. If you want to boycott Jill – if you want to flat-out hate Jill…I respect you for that, regardless of whether I agree with you or not.

But when you start hating associates…just please be careful, because that hate can start to consume you. Where do you draw the line? As Melissa, how do you justify hating Cindy, but not hating me?

And as a member of the human race, how do you figure out what associations to make? How do you hate people because of their associations, but then not live in complete fear that you’re linked to that same thing you hate somehow? And really, you are if you go through enough degrees of separation. Everyone’s linked somehow. It’s the Kevin Bacon game.

And how do you not live in fear that when you’ve made all the cuts you’ve felt like you had to make based on associations that you aren’t completely alone?

I don’t want to say it was wrong for Melissa to cut her ties with Cindy. She did what she thought was best. She drew the line in the sand, and I made the cut, staying on side of the line that was still pure enough.

Am I pure enough for you? Are you pure enough for you?

This is just part of a much bigger philosophical debate, I suppose, but for today, I’ll end it here and hope that I am judged on my actions, and that I am able to make decisions about my own associates as fairly as possible.

The title of this post is a little cheeky. I’m not trying to brag, and frankly, there have been occasions when I’ve sucked in bed. Overall, though…I’ve been given the thumbs up, and that’s been reiterated by the fact that guys come back for more sex with me, even when it might be easier to get elsewhere.

I’m not super flexible. I don’t have double-jointed legs or freakishly tight lady-parts. I’m average on most accounts. But I’m awesome in bed. Why is that?

1) I have fun. Sex isn’t always movie-quality or perfect. It’s just fun. People take it so seriously, but at the end of the day, if you’re not having fun, what’s the point? Even if your primary goal of sex is to get pregnant, you should still have a good time.

2) I love it. Guys are encouraged when they see that you’re really enjoying yourself. It’s such a turn on when you just let go and love the raw energy of the moment. Girls feel the same way – we love seeing how hot we make you. Make your partner feel like she/he is the best you’ve ever had and the sex really will end up being pretty great.

3) I’m open to trying new things. Sure, everyone has limits, but if you nix everything but missionary, sex is going to get boring. Be open to at least trying new positions and techniques. You can always stop if it is uncomfortable. Try sex in the shower. Break out the toys. Whatever – just don’t do the same old thing every night.

4) I’m not skimpy on the foreplay. Contrary to popular belief, most men love foreplay as much as women. Remember, the fun is in the journey, so whether it’s a fingering or a blow job or something else, don’t try to get your partner to orgasm quickly. Let him/her enjoy the ride.

5) I’m vocal. A few grunts as you’re fucking does not a good time make. Don’t be afraid to talk dirty, and if that makes you uncomfortable, even just some “oh fucks” or “yes, right theres” makes sex so much better.

And…well…to be honest, I’ve practiced. I haven’t had as much sex as some, but if you’re a virgin or inexperienced, give it some time. Time with your specific partner matters too – that’s why I don’t have one-nighters anymore. Sex is always better once you get to know one another and have sex repeatedly.

I’m awesome in bed, and maybe that sounds cocky, but believing that you’re hot is half the battle. I don’t think there’s a single person out there who can’t also be awesome, regardless of weight, cock/breast size, stamina, etc. You don’t have to be perfect to be awesome.

Update: Since writing this post, I have worked with Eden Fantasys. I haven’t had a single problem thus far and have actually found it much more enjoyable to work with them than some other sex toy companies I’ve worked with in the past. *shrug*

Right now, the sex blogging community is in an uproar. That doesn’t happen often; we’re generally loving people who support one another in times of need, laugh with one another about silly things in life, and masturbate with one another when someone in the community writes something especially hot.

I feel like right now, people are taking sides, starting a sex world war. And I don’t like it.

There are accounts of sex toy company Eden Fantasys not paying people the money they’re owed. There are accounts of them not fulfilling promises. There are accounts of them banning members from their site’s forums and community. There are accounts of them being mean or snarky.

There are also accounts of EF bringing in a lot of affiliate money to bloggers who need it. There are accounts of them sending out very expensive toys for free to reviewers. There are accounts of them answering concerned emails politely and quickly.

I do not review for EF. I traded links with them long ago and was invited to create a profile as a first step to becoming a toy reviewer some day. Frankly, I have enough offers for sex toys to review from companies that don’t make it a whole production. I’m set for months with toys to review. If I wasn’t? Maybe I’d looking into reviewing with EF. I don’t know.

What people seem to be forgetting here is that a relationship with any sponsor or affiliate is a privilege, not a right. I think that EF has done some mean and even unfair things, but it is their website. Their free sex toys. Their forum. If they don’t like someone for whatever reason, it is their prerogative to stop working with that person, just like it is your prerogative as a blogger to voice your support (or not) for EF or any company. The Internet is not a democracy, and a website doesn’t have to allow freedom of speech among members. Hell, a website or company can ban members for things like skin color or gender or bad grammar if it wants to. It isn’t always fair.

That’s not to say that it shouldn’t be fair. And I fully believe that if you’ve been slighted by EF, you should sing it from the mountaintops and encourage your readers and friends to shop at other sex toy sites. That’s your prerogative. The great equalizer is that anyone can have a website where they make the rules.

I do find it funny that some (read: NOT ALL) of the disgruntled bloggers out there are bullying others by cutting ties to anyone who supports or associates with EF in any way. As they’re upset about EF treating them unfairly because they have a opinion that doesn’t match the company’s, they’re refusing to talk to bloggers who have an opinion that doesn’t match their own. Pot kettle much?

In any case, what makes me laugh the most is that we’re talking about sex toys here. Sex toys, people, are not important in the grand scheme of things. You’re upset about a company that sells pieces of plastic to stick in your ass, you do realize that, right? Of course, I know that it’s much more than that, but when you think of it that way, come on, it’s pretty funny.

My plea to you all is this: Speak your piece, and then let it die. Let’s not make it an us-versus-them sort of thing that drags on forever. Let’s not force people to take sides or threaten others who do choose to take the “other” side, if we’re on a side ourselves. Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me.

In short, let’s be a positive community, not a negative one. (:

There are few things that will put me in a sub state of mind faster than being bound. Rope, leather, chains, cuffs – it doesn’t matter. Even if they’re restraints that are easily escaped, just the feeling of knowing that my dom wants me in a certain position, wants to have complete control over me…mmmm, that’s so hot. I’m getting wet just thinking about it.

Whenever a sex toy company offers to send me products to review, bondage-related items are always high on my wish list. Twisted Miss already sent me these pink cuff to review, and I fell in love with them. Next on the list and bondage system called the Soft Bondage Kit.

A little disclaimer first: I already own Under the Bed Restraints. And I love them. To be honest, any other restraint system doesn’t stand much of a change against these bad boys.

Really, though, the Soft Bondage Kit and UtB Restraints are apples and oranges. I thought they’d be really similar, and they are in some ways, but this is a whole other ball game.

Let’s talk specs. The kit comes with four individual pieces – two for wrists and two for ankles. They’re all exactly the same. The cuff part is made of neoprene and velcro, and the attached rope of nylon with a loop at the end. It reminds me of a dog leash, if that puts a picture in your head, since I am sans camera at the moment.

My wrists and ankles are fairly average-sized, erring on the large perhaps, and the cuffs fit with tons of room to spare. You have to have really large wrists or ankles for these not to fit. They also go pretty small too, since there is a lot of velcro.

The cuffs are slightly padded, which makes them comfortable, and extremely strong. I also love the fact that they’re water proof, so I could use them in the shower or throw them in the wash if they got messy.

A not-so-good point? They’re super easy to get out of. It’s velcro, people. I mean, for vanilla couples interested in a little spice, that could actually be a good thing – you don’t have to worry that the person playing sub for the night will panic when restrained for the first time. That’s happened to me, and it wasn’t fun. This is also a good thing if you’re a new D/s couple and the trust level isn’t 100% yet. For me, though…they were a little TOO easily escaped.

Like I said, the Soft Bondage Kit can’t really be compared to UtB Restraints, since they’re functionally different, but if you have a four-post bed, you could easily loop four ends around the posts, creating the same sort of set up. The downside is that they aren’t easily adjusted. You would have to loop them around the post or your wrist/ankle to get the right length.

What the Soft Bondage Kit has that the UtB Restraints do not, however, is flexibility. I leave my UtB Restraints… well… under my bed. They don’t really serve another purpose. I mean, it’s rope, so you could use the system elsewhere, but they’re hooked together and get tangled, so it’s just easier to keep them set up and tucked under the corners of my bed all the time.

The Soft Bondage Kit is easily used in other ways. You could use them as rope, binding someone’s arms and legs by looping them together. You could use all four at once or individually.  I even tested it out, and yes, you can velcro two together to make a makeshift collar and leash system.

This bondage kit is kind of like toothpaste. Everyone needs it, and when you go to the supermarket, you just get it if you’ve run out. You don’t think “Hmmm…do I really want toothpaste?” Of course you do. The UtB restraints are more like ice cream. Not a necessity, but I make a point to keep it in the house most of the time.

If you’re an experienced D/s couple with other restraint sets, you probably don’t really need this kit. There’s nothing exciting or new about it – it’s just your basic bondage system. If you’re completely new to bondage, though, or need a system to fill some gaps in your toy chest, this is a great buy. At Twisted Miss, you can pick them up for just £19.95, which comes to just under $30 if you’re in the United States.