…cue the audience: “awwwwwwwwww.”

It seriously is really sweet and makes my heart flutter a bit. The other day, D and I got into a huge fight. Seriously, our fights are epic and fairly immature at times, involving throwing and/or hanging up the phone, among name-calling, screaming, and so forth.

This fight was much-needed. It had been building, and I feel like we both needed to say some stuff that we, frankly, haven’t been saying. D is content to hang up on someone and not speak to them for a few days, but I can’t leave well enough alone. I hate hate hate going to bed angry. So, eventually, we calmed down and made up.

That’s when he admitted that he misses me. No, not just me – us. The way we used to be.

I mean, on some level, I knew he probably did, but it is a big deal for me that he admitted it to me. D’s not the most open person with his feelings, and I’m on the other end of the spectrum, so that isn’t always an area where we mess well. Looking at the situation with an objective eye, I’m not fooling myself. I know that D and I are meant for one another, but probably not in a relationship. We’ll always be more than just friends, but I don’t think we CAN go back to the way things were.

But still, it’s nice to know that he wants it, at least a little. I know that he doesn’t want it enough to consider going back to being together, but at least some part of him misses what we had just as much as I miss it.

And in honor of that, over the next few weeks, I’m going to post some past fantasies and some memories of me and D from when we were together. I know you’ve all been missing the spice lately!

P.S. On another note, the bad butterflies guy is not going away. He’s in a band and I’m supposed to go see him perform tomorrow, but I think I’m going to chicken out. It just seems stupid to go see him with his girlfriend sitting at the next table. Can you say awkward?

It stinks that the only guy who gives me butterflies right now is the guy who is seeing someone else. She is SOOOO not right for him, and I so am. *stomps and sulks* He’s a good guy though – would never cheat or anything…which is actually a huge plus in my book. Hopefully he’ll come to his senses soon and realize that she’s a dud. *Swats at damn butterflies*

I have talked about sex with this guy in the past, when he was single, and let me tell you – he sounds so freakin’ hot. He totally gets my D/s fetish, and although it’s not necessarily him, it isn’t necessarily NOT him, if that makes sense. In other words, he could see himself being dominant in the bedroom because he’d know that’s what I crave. Outside of the bedroom? Probably not, though he definitely related to the 1950s lifestyle that I talked about, and he shares my wish for a big family.

And he has some fetishes of his own too. Namely, squirting. Hooooooot. I’ve only squirted like, once in my life, and it was by accident really, and not much…so it would be cool to be with someone who craves it and knows how to get it from a woman. I mean, there’s a sense of domination in that too – him taking what he wants from me, even if what he wants from me will ultimately feel reaaaaaaally fucking good for me too!

One con: he says he’s not into blow jobs at all. I find that hard to believe. He maybe had a bad experience or has never been with anyone that knew what she was doing? In any case, I’d like a chance to change his mind about that.

Man, I have really got to stop thinking about this guy. It’s driving me insane!

In life news, not relating to dating/sex, I’ve been super sick. My immune system is shot to hell. Boo. Oh, I went to the doctor for an annual check-up the other week (I wasn’t sick at the time, just needed a yearly physical), and Friday I get a letter from my insurance company saying that they’re not paying for it. $200??? No thank you! They said they’re not paying for it because it falls under a “pre-existing condition” clause. Wtf. It was an annual check-up. I got some blood work done as a precaution, but there was nothing wrong with me. I don’t know what they’re talking about, and it pisses me off that I’ll have to call and argue about this. Bleh.

To end on a happy note, though, I paid all my taxes and late bills and have + $1.83 in my checking account. Considering that I’ve been struggling a little the last few months, that makes me really happy! Small victories, people. Hopefully this time next month, I’ll be putting extra money toward my credit card debt, working that back down. In the meantime…if anyone wants to hire me to do some freelance writing, let me know!