Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

I haven’t mentioned it here at all, because I didn’t want to jinx it, but plans are pretty much finalized now…

You’ve heard of "stay-cationing" right? It’s basically when you take a vacation from work and other responsibilities, but you don’t actually go anywhere. In late October, Daddy and I get NINE days to stay-cation together.

We’ll have to do a little work. The world still goes on around us! However, for a full WEEK AND TWO DAYS, he’ll falling asleep beside me every night. I can’t wait. With our jobs, current locations (we don’t live on opposite coasts or something, but he isn’t exactly right down the street), and family/friends/roommates, we rarely get to spend nights together…and now NINE of them.

And yes, for those of you who have been chomping at the bit for some more sex stories, this is good news for you!!!

So I said again: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Today, Daddy and I had an argument. Anyone who knows us face-to-face knows that we’re a sickly sweet "awww, I love you" couple. Anyone who knows us face-to-face also know that we have some of the most epic fights ever, often over silly things. I haven’t kept count, but I suspect that we hang up on one another at least five times (each) during a long-distant fight, which translates into slamming doors face-to-face. It isn’t pretty.

I won’t get into what we fought about today. That isn’t important. What sticks with me was something Daddy said, in the heat of battle.

"You don’t fucking respect me."

Eek.

Let me give you a little context to put you in the right time and place for that statement. At that point, we were starting to cool down a little (although the fight was far from over). I told him that I wanted to explain why I did what I did, since he got to explain his side of things. And yes, he let me explain.

But even though I may have been "right" with my actions, it was something he didn’t want me to do. So, but doing it, he’s right…it was disrespectful. It’s a matter of pride and a matter of dignity.

Let me illustrate it for you.

Let’s say that you want to paint your living room. Your talk about your choices with your lover, and he/she gives a little input, but in the end, it is your house, and you want to keep looking until you find the perfect hue. Then, the next day you come home from work to find that your lover went out and bought a great color and did the work for you. It looks nice, and you are grateful that he/she did the work.

At the same time, it is disrespectful. It is your living room. You were the one putting all of the time into picking out colors. And just because it happened to turn out nice doesn’t mean that it was definitely going to. That was a bit of luck – you might have hated it.

For the record, our fight was not about paint, but this just shows my point. As a submissive, I have to learn to take it to even the next level – to let him be in charge of things even if I do have an easier solution. I have to learn to set aside my stubborn way of thinking that I’m always right and instead learn to come to him with my thoughts. Then, his word goes.

Now, I know that in real life, that can’t always be the case. We consider ourselves 24/7, but with our lifestyle at the moment, we can’t be in our roles ALL of the time. Few people truly can, I image. I think that’s where the main problem comes for me. In my daily life, I’m asked to make really important decisions all of the time, some of which affect him, since we work together. I can’t always defer to him. So then I have a hard time shutting that part of me off, even though it is what makes me happiest.

And I know that even though I am his, if he were making a poor decision that was going to affect my health, finances, etc., I would step in, even if it meant him being upset. A dom should should never be allowed to ruin a sub’s life when they’re still on a dating level. I mean, you never should be allowed to ruin someone else’s life…but I feel like when you’re married, at least if things go wrong, you’re going to be there to clean up the messes together.

All things said and done, we got through our fight and are stronger together for it. It was a combination of stress and bad timing that led to the blow up, but really, it was me that started it. I need to learn to respect his feelings about things more and to understand that even though I’m submissive, he still respects me. In fact, he respects me more when I do allow him to shine.

I haven’t done a "Reader Mail" for a long time, but I’ve gotten some interesting emails lately, so I thought I’d share. For those of you who are new around here, don’t worry – if you email me, I’ll never reveal your name, email address, or other personal information. In fact, if your email is personal at all, I won’t print any part of it here!

Anyway, I was going to do a few letters today, but one in particular stood out, and I had a lot to say about it.

Here’s the mail:

(I’m paraphrasing this one, since it was longer and about other things too!)

Rori,

I’m sure your traffic increased from recently doing your Top Sex Bloggers list. We get so much traffic and can see people stay and read for a huge amount of time, but rarely get comments…I always wonder what causes some blogs to get so many comments and others, like ours, so few. Any thoughts???

Thanks,

N

Oh man, I feel your pain, N. I did get a bump in traffic, since I’m linked a ton of new places, and I’ve heard from others that they saw an increase as well. However, when you take out all of the "thanks for compiling this list" comments, I’m not getting any more than I did before, even though I have more than twice the traffic on a daily basis.

Why? Hell if I know! I have to assume that some of the people who come here from other place simply don’t like what they read…and that’s fine. My blog isn’t for everyone! However, I can see in my stats that many people click around and stay here for awhile, and I get a fair amount of repeat visitors. I think that there are three main reasons people don’t comment on some sites:

1. They don’t comment at all on sex sites, preferring to remain anonymous.
2. They don’t have anything to say about what you’ve written.
3. They feel like they don’t know you and, thus, feel weird leaving a comment.

On the first point, I have little to say. Some people are just looking for wank material or interesting opinions without caring to add their own comment. *shrug*

About not having anything to say…Well…it happens. Sometimes, a writer covers a subject so thoroughly that the reader doesn’t have anything intelligent to contribute. I like to try to end my opinion pieces with an invitation to comment, but on stories, fiction, etc…well, sometimes there just isn’t much to say.

The last point is what really gets me. When I first started  reading erotica blogs, I always wanted to leave comments…but I was shy. I mean, someone is sharing naked pictures or stories about their sex lives. It can be a little weird to comment for the first time! It’s like trying to get up the nerve to break the ice and talk to someone at a party. Even if you are an outgoing person, that first communication with someone can be hard!

I know that some bloggers don’t have the time to reply to every comments…and that’s fine. But I have to say that I feel like it builds a sense of community. I feel like a friend when someone replies to me. For the record, I REALLY like it when people email me, even if they just say "hello" and nothing more.

I guess that goes back to needing to heat that I’m loved (you can read about that here). I’d write this blog anyway, just for Daddy, but some days it is nice to feel like the cool girl in class! People really want to be my friend?!?!

So anyway…to answer your question, N…I really wish I had better insight. Maybe all of the lurkers here at BMS will come out of the woodwork and at least leave a comment on this post: why do you leave comments on some blogs but not on others?

Penny from Birds are Smart just has a wonderful idea. WONDERFUL. As most of you know, over the last few months, I compiled a list of the Top Sex Bloggers of 2008. In addition to compiling the list, I’m also working through each individual blog with more detail about the blogger on THIS PAGE. Penny’s comment to me was this:

this list is quite a task you’ve set yourself! I hope you get through it, ’cause I’m enjoying it, but I sure will understand if you don’t. maybe you could recruit help? I’m sure your readers could pitch in a few of the reviews.

xo
Penny

I do intend to get through this list (the first 12 are done already), but it is taking a long time in part because I haven’t read many of these blogs before. I get lost in amazing writing, laughing, crying, getting all hot and bothered.

This list has ALWAYS been about collaborating, so I LOVE this idea. If you’d like to contribute a mini-review to this list, all you have to do is email me: rori-at-betweenmysheets-dot-com. Please read these points first though:

• Email me with your name and the name of the ONE blog you’d like to write about. ONE per person please. If you have a blog, I’ll link back to you, but I’d love for non-blogging readers to get involved too.
• Look at my list. You must follow the same format. I will cover the “about” part.
• You must write in complete sentences.
• If your entry is too long, I’ll edit it to be shorter. Please use an editing eye to keep things from getting too long.
• If multiple people want to do the same blog, the first person to email me gets it.
• You cannot be the blogger’s partner. I’d also prefer you not to be the blogger’s bff, but it is ok if you know one another.
• I will email you back within 24 hours with an “ok”. You must be able to write the mini-review within 3 business days.

I still think that I’ll be doing the majority of these myself (and that’s fine), but if you’d like to contribute, who am I to say no? This list is ALL about collaboration!

Thanks for the suggestion, Penny!

I’ve always been a really mature person for my age. I think I got my first babysitting job when I was like 13 years old, maybe even younger. I’m not talking about "mom is running to the store so you have to watch a younger sibling." I’m talking about the lady down the street hiring me to watch her 4-year-old and 6-year-old for eight hours twice a week while she was working. People just trusted me, and rightfully so. I’m not saying that I haven’t made mistakes – I have. In general, though, I’m the most level-headed, safe, mature, responsible person in a room at any given time.

But there’s one thing that I need in my life that makes me feel really self-centered and immature: I need people to tell me that they care.

I don’t know why I feel like that. Daddy knows though, and has dealt with me upset about it. If my non-local friends go a few months without calling or emailing me, I start to get really depressed and upset about it, especially if my emails or calls to them go unanswered. I’m not stupid. The logical side of me knows that they have busy lives and, frankly, when you don’t live near one another, there isn’t always something to say.

For some reason, though, I begin to feel forgotten. It’s like how you’d feel if your mother (or anyone important in your life) forgot it was your birthday. You know they care, but it is still a sad, empty feeling.

I relate this need for (semi) constant attention to my need for submission. If you read back far enough in my archives, you’ll see that I didn’t always call Daddy "Daddy." I started by calling him Master, sometimes mixed in with Sir. Honest, though, it didn’t feel right for either of us. We feel into this Daddy/babygirl dynamic pretty naturally, and I think that has a lot to do with me. I need to be submissive because I need to please people. Moreover, I need to hear from people that I’ve made them happy and that they’re proud of me and that they love me. I don’t know what. I just do.

Daddy is always very good at telling me he loves me, and although lately or time to interact in a D/s way has been highly limited, when I make him proud, he doesn’t keep it to himself. That’s part of the reason I love him so much. I’ve never talked to him before about this (until tonight), but he always, I think, knew on some level that I needed to hear "good job," that I needed that pat on the back. And I think that I know he needs to say it. He needs to have someone take care of his needs, he needs to be the most important person in someone’s life, and he needs to show her affection without editing. Maybe I’m wrong about that, and if I am, I hope he’ll correct me.