Advice

10 Signs that You’re Just a Booty Call

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Last night, I had an amazing first date. We met on Collar Me, so I know he’s a dom, but he treated me like a princess for the evening. Yes, a dom can be a gentleman!

It was definitely a departure from the few dates I’d been on earlier in August with another dom I met on Collar Me. He was very….dom-y. But not in a good way. Basically, the first date was less than romantic and by the second date, it was pretty apparent that I was just a booty call for him. There was no spark there. He just wanted blowjobs. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m just not into it.

The problem with booty calls in not the booty calling itself but the lack of communication about it. I’m pretty intuitive, but it I wasn’t, i could have really gotten hurt with blowjob guy. Guys really hurt girls when they just want sex but the girl thinks they are interested in a relationship. The opposite is true too – lots of girls really hurt guys.

I think I’ve gotten pretty good at understanding someone’s attentions. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt if you figure out someone wants sex and you want a relationship…but knowing the signs can help you from getting destroyed by it after months of devoting yourself to someone who is just stringing you along. Here are the 10 signs that you’re just a booty call.

1. You spend more time in bed than out and about.

A man (or woman – anything here can be for either sex, so let’s just say “man” from now on) who wants a relationship might fuck you hard several times a day…but he wants to take you out too. Do your dates consist of dinner and sex or do they consist of sex and sex? If he doesn’t have a lot of money, he may not take you out as often, but he should still want to do things like cook dinner together or even just watch a movie together. The point it, sex should be just a part of your relationship. If that’s the only part that he cares about, you’re probably not relationship material in his mind.

2. He doesn’t kiss you.

Kissing is a really intimate, romantic thing to do, and someone who’s just interested in sex is a little uncomfortable with it. Now, a friend with benefit will definitely kiss you (in most cases), because the friendship makes things comfortable. Both the Student and the Prince didn’t shy away from kissing me. But someone who is only interested in a booty call, not FWB or a relationship will consider kissing too…much.

3. You haven’t met his friends.

A guy who wants a relationship will introduce you to his friends. Some guys really need their friends’ opinions, but any guy who really wants to date you wants to show you off a bit. If you’ve been seeing one another for several months and haven’t met any of his friends, you’re probably not his idea of a good girlfriend.

4. You haven’t met his family.

Okay, occasionally you could be missing the family connection for other reasons. Maybe he had a falling out with his parents and doesn’t speak to them often. Or maybe they live far away so he barely sees them, let alone introduces girls to them. But in general, most people have at least one member of the family that is important to them – a sibling, a cousin, a grandparent, whatever. Meeting this person is like an ultimate test in his mind – even guys who don’t need the approval of others want their family to like the person they’re dating. If he doesn’t want to introduce you, even after several months of seeing one another, he probably doesn’t give a shit if they like you or not because he knows you’re not a long-term girl.

5. You don’t spend holidays together.

If you’re someone he wants in his life as a girlfriend, he’ll want to spend holidays together. Okay, maybe not right away – if you just meet in mid-December, don’t expect an invite for Christmas at his grandmother’s house. But if you don’t have any kind of holiday celebration together with an exchange of presents, even small ones, you’re probably just a booty call. And no, oral sex doesn’t count as a holiday gift.

6. He never stays afterward.

Some guys who just want a booty call relationship are happy to pass out beside you and split in the morning just because it’s easier, so be careful with this tip. If he never stays, though, that’s a sure sign that you’re just a booty call. He can give whatever excuses he wants – he doesn’t sleep well when it’s not his own bed, he has to work in the morning, blah blah blah. A guy who really likes you will want to spend every last second he can with you. He might not logistically be able to stay every single night, but if he never wants to stay and snuggle up, he’s probably not that into you.

7. You don’t get yours.

Booty call men are more about their pleasure than yours. Some are obsessed with the sounds and feelings of making a woman reach orgasm, so you might be cumming just as often as he is…but that isn’t the same as really “getting yours.” He’s still doing it because it turns him on. If he’s not into your pleasure for the sake of your pleasure, you’re just a booty call.

8. Your relationship is on his schedule.

In any relationship, you have to work around life responsibilities. But do you find yourself waiting for him to be in the mood? Guys who are only interested in you as a booty call don’t care if you want to mess around or not. Your feelings, even horny feelings, aren’t a priority for him. You shouldn’t be sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. It should be a give and take relationship.

9. He doesn’t talk to you about his problems.

A relationship is all about finding that person you can share everything with. A booty call…is not. When he’s having a bad day and calls you, does he want to talk about his problems to feel better? Or does he just want to relieve stress with sex? Some guys like to talk about their problems more than others, but someone who wants a relationship will always open up to you (over time), at least a little.

10. Every conversation revolves around sex.

Lastly, when you speak on the phone or text, what topics do you cover? Do you talk about your friends or work? Your family? Your hobbies? With a booty call guy, he’ll swing every relationship around to talk about sex. Don’t get me wrong, talking about sex is awesome and I give those conversations a total thumbs up. But if that’s all you have in common, that’s a sure sign that there’s never going to be a real relationship. At least, not a good one.

About Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

About the author / 

Rori

Rori is the founder of Between My Sheets. She works full time as a writer, reviewer, and online educator and can be reached at rori-at-betweenmysheets.com

6 Comments

  1. KaziGrrl August 27, 2011 at 10:47 pm -  Reply

    I won’t even meet with anyone until I know what their intentions are. In no way am I interested in ‘the quick fix’ and I can usually tell if a fellow is that way by the end of the first chat. :/

    ~Kazi

    • Rori August 28, 2011 at 12:41 pm -  Reply

      I like to know intentions first too, but people can lie. Or sometimes, they don’t necessarily lie, but they don’t really know what they want. I’m not against a booty call relationship, it’s just nice to know that’s what you’re getting. Everyone needs to be on the same wavelength.

  2. Greg August 28, 2011 at 1:51 am -  Reply

    Long time reader, first time responder.

    As a guy who has been in quite a few interesting situations, I felt I could contribute :)

    1. You spend more time in bed than out and about.
    If that’s the only part that he cares about, you’re probably not relationship material in his mind.

    The “sex is all you care about” line is an easy one to apply to nearly any guy, and many times erroneously so. Lots of times I’ve cared about women on a genuine level, and we spent more time in bed than doing “couple activities”, and we had good relationships. The issue here is that if a guy can choose between fucking you, and going to the mall… 99% of the time he’s going to fuck you. The other activities that you would be doing as a couple, just aren’t half as much fun. Seriously, ask any guy if they’d rather go do dinner and a movie, or have hot sex.

    2. He doesn’t kiss you.

    Someone who’s just interested in sex is a little uncomfortable with it /Someone who is only interested in a booty call, not FWB or a relationship will consider kissing too…much.

    That just isn’t true. Guys don’t relegate kissing to a special level of physical intimacy. In fact, the only people I know of who do so are female prostitutes who typically refuse to kiss their clients.

    3. You haven’t met his friends.
    A guy who wants a relationship will introduce you to his friends. Some guys really need their friends’ opinions, but any guy who really wants to date you wants to show you off a bit. If you’ve been seeing one another for several months and haven’t met any of his friends, you’re probably not his idea of a good girlfriend.

    This is generally pretty true. I’m not sure how much they want to show you off as much as you become a part of the guys social circle and they naturally include you in events with their friends. (If they have friends that are local. Some guys don’t.)

    4. You haven’t met his family.

    Okay, occasionally you could be missing the family connection for other reasons. Maybe he had a falling out with his parents and doesn’t speak to them often. Or maybe they live far away so he barely sees them, let alone introduces girls to them. But in general, most people have at least one member of the family that is important to them – a sibling, a cousin, a grandparent, whatever. Meeting this person is like an ultimate test in his mind – even guys who don’t need the approval of others want their family to like the person they’re dating. If he doesn’t want to introduce you, even after several months of seeing one another, he probably doesn’t give a shit if they like you or not because he knows you’re not a long-term girl.

    Personally I just avoid this for as long as possible, because I know it’s just an awkward scenario 99% of the time. It has nothing to do with how much I like the girl. Doing the meet my batshit insane family routine is on the fun factor level of a root canal.

    5. You don’t spend holidays together.
    If you’re someone he wants in his life as a girlfriend, he’ll want to spend holidays together. Okay, maybe not right away – if you just meet in mid-December, don’t expect an invite for Christmas at his grandmother’s house. But if you don’t have any kind of holiday celebration together with an exchange of presents, even small ones, you’re probably just a booty call. And no, oral sex doesn’t count as a holiday gift.

    Definitely true. Regardless of technical relationship status the guy your fucking should get you something for a holiday. ~20 if not serious, 50-100+ for long term, and the skys the limit for wifey.

    6. He never stays afterward.
    Some guys who just want a booty call relationship are happy to pass out beside you and split in the morning just because it’s easier, so be careful with this tip. If he never stays, though, that’s a sure sign that you’re just a booty call. He can give whatever excuses he wants – he doesn’t sleep well when it’s not his own bed, he has to work in the morning, blah blah blah. A guy who really likes you will want to spend every last second he can with you. He might not logistically be able to stay every single night, but if he never wants to stay and snuggle up, he’s probably not that into you.

    Honestly, it sounds like an excuse, but the whole bed being uncomfortable thing and being unable to fall sleep is legit sometimes. Along with cats if he’s allergic. (Absolutely awful spending the night with allergies.) But in general right on.

    7. You don’t get yours.
    Booty call men are more about their pleasure than yours. Some are obsessed with the sounds and feelings of making a woman reach orgasm, so you might be cumming just as often as he is…but that isn’t the same as really “getting yours.” He’s still doing it because it turns him on. If he’s not into your pleasure for the sake of your pleasure, you’re just a booty call.

    I don’t really understand what your definition of “getting yours” is if not orgasm? Care to elaborate?

    8. Your relationship is on his schedule.
    In any relationship, you have to work around life responsibilities. But do you find yourself waiting for him to be in the mood? Guys who are only interested in you as a booty call don’t care if you want to mess around or not. Your feelings, even horny feelings, aren’t a priority for him. You shouldn’t be sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. It should be a give and take relationship.

    Waiting for the guy to be “in the mood” sounds like a case of mix-matched sex drives really. And, I definitely think that guys who are interested in casual no strings sex are quite responsive to women who express horny feelings to them.

    9. He doesn’t talk to you about his problems.
    A relationship is all about finding that person you can share everything with. A booty call…is not. When he’s having a bad day and calls you, does he want to talk about his problems to feel better? Or does he just want to relieve stress with sex? Some guys like to talk about their problems more than others, but someone who wants a relationship will always open up to you (over time), at least a little.

    Agree. If they never mention anything personal that’s pretty odd.

    10. Every conversation revolves around sex.
    Lastly, when you speak on the phone or text, what topics do you cover? Do you talk about your friends or work? Your family? Your hobbies? With a booty call guy, he’ll swing every relationship around to talk about sex. Don’t get me wrong, talking about sex is awesome and I give those conversations a total thumbs up. But if that’s all you have in common, that’s a sure sign that there’s never going to be a real relationship. At least, not a good one.

    Honestly, I’ve never been like that with anyone. I can’t really understand how you’d never have friendly conversations in between bouts of sex. If they really only ever talk about sex… Maybe you should refer them to a psychologist.

    I kind of feel like there is something missing here though. Guys basically have 2 modes, that they flip between. One is the fuck mode, and the other is the relationship oriented mode. If a guy is in fuck mode, and you have sex with him, he’s going to stay in fuck mode and he’s not going to get into relationship mode unless things change. (IE; he slowly develops feelings, or whatever.) If he’s in relationship mode, and actively looking for a relationship, things will typically develop into relationship territory naturally. The thing is if a guy is in fuck mode, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a relationship, it just means he’s not looking for it right then. If you want a relationship with him, its entirely possible to get him into relationship mode, and develop something.

    As for the first guy off CM… I just find those kind of people odd. If you don’t have any spark or connection, and he’s telling you to blow him, don’t do it? A first meeting regardless of Dom/Sub orientation should be a light easy-going affair. (For the record, I’m also on CM ;) ) We are people first, and kinksters second.

    • Rori August 28, 2011 at 12:40 pm -  Reply

      Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Greg!

      In regard to the “sex is all you care about thing” – I honestly don’t believe people can have successful relationships if they don’t share interests outside the bedroom. Yes, fucking is more fun than going to the mall, but if you don’t want to spend time together other than fucking, it’s not a good relationship. It’s just a booty call relationship…even if you care about one another. I think the key is to find someone you love spending time with as much as you love fucking.

      I do still disagree with you on the kissing thing. Every guy is different of course, but I’ve personally found that if a guy is into making a relationship work, he’s super into romantic kissing and if he’s not, he avoids kissing. None of this advice is absolute, though – every guy and every situation will be different.

      For “getting yours” – I don’t just mean orgasm, I mean getting to orgasm because the guy wants his partner to experience it. It isn’t just because orgasms turn him on (which is the case for some guys) – he cares about the woman’s pleasure. I think there is an underlying feeling of “I don’t want to lose her, so I want to keep her happy” but most booty call guys don’t really care much about that. Sure, they want to keep their sex doll, but they can find another one.

      My opinion is that there are definitely some times when not staying is okay. But really, if you’re looking at this from a long-term perspective, that means you’re going to live together someday, right? So what, are you going to sleep in the guest room? I mean, if she has a cat and you’re allergic, that totally makes sense, but what about when she’s at your house? You don’t have to sleep together every single night, but if you never stay (or make her feel welcome to stay)…

      “We are people first, and kinksters second.” – right on! :D

  3. Topaz August 29, 2011 at 11:44 am -  Reply

    I see you went into some detailed explanations in the comments, but the concise list in the post highlights the points very well. I agree with most of them and women should keep this in mind (especially when they’re wrapped up in the euphoria of a new man). This list should be going viral.

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